Feeling a little left out. (long Vent)

I think your future stepson is being very immature, and for too long. You've respected his wishes, so he should be more considerate towards you. Please talk to your FH about how you feel! Concerning the graduation party, you're entitled to go since you put so much time into it. Don't let your stepson continue bullying you! You have every right to be upset!

Thank you all and I agree we are going to have to have a talk. I care about my step son and don't want to replace his mother he had an amazing mother. I just want to be able to fill like a member of there family and not the outsider. My FH goes to all of my family affairs. You all are the best and made me fill like this is a conversation I can have now. Thank you.

I don't know why you would plan the party when you really do not have a relationship with the kid. I cannot imagine taking a week off for my own kid's college graduation, and certainly not for HS.

This kid does not want a relationship with you. Does he plan on going away to college? Yes, dad can say he has to include you and the kid can just not come home.

I think you should definitely talk to your FH about it-- you're marrying into his family, it's ridiculous for him to expect to be able to keep different parts of immediate close family separate in the long run.

Would it help to give his son a message that he could respond to in his own time? Like hand writing him a letter with your feelings-- intent to be a part of his family but not replace his own mother, etc.. Something that would let him know how you feel and that you're willing to understand his situation, without forcing him with a confrontation that requires immediate response. The way you write about him is lovely and it would probably comfort him to know how you see him, and that you're totally aware of his reservations. (Not behind your FH's back, of course-- no need to make things more awkward!)

No need to criticise things in the past that can't be changed... and this is the family she's entering, of course she should want a relationship with them. You can't expect a father to choose between his wife and his son, that's not how a healthy or loving family works.

I did not mean to be unsympathetic, but I think OP is unrealistic. This kid is an adult, or close to one. What she wants is not crazy, but apparently the kid does want it. You can talk all you want about how a healthy or loving family works, but how do you plan on making the kid do what you want? Are you going to tell Dad that unless the kid is nice to new stepmom, he should not pay for college?

I think that OP can expect to attend family events, but she should err on the side of caution in defining family v kid event. Taking kid to college, Parent's Weekend are kid events, he should get to issue invites. Christmas dinner - family event. And she and dad will have to accept or deal with if he chooses not to attend.

OP herself has at least one kid, so I think it is unrealistic for her to have a no-kids rule. There is a lot we don't know, including long his mom has been dead, will son be going away to college. Dad may be thinking the problems will decrease.

Treating the son as an adult, which several PP say, means he will have the right not to attend family events. I suspect this is what Dad is afraid of.

I think family counseling only helps when the participants want it to help. I do think OP and hopefully her FH would be willing to participate, not certain the son will. Counseling may give them both suggestions.