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Haley
Savvy December 2021

Feeling a little excluded as a bridesmaid - am i being silly?

Haley, on September 24, 2022 at 9:47 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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Hi everyone! So one of my friends is getting married in May and just went dress shopping and said yes to the dress today. long story short, I’m feeling a little down that I wasn’t invited. My husband is very close friends with the brides fiancée and this was how we got to know each other. The bride and I hardly ever hang out apart of when the 4 of us get together, but together they are our best friends. The bride-to-be and her fiancée were actually best man and maid of honor at our wedding back in December. I don’t have a lot of close friends unfortunately and I thought it would be cool to ask her to be maid of honor since her fiancé was best man. Thinking about it now, maybe it was awkward to ask her to be my MOH because we’ve never been super close.


Anyways, I’m just a little bummed I didn’t get an invite to her wedding dress shopping but I absolutely do not want to cause any drama or problems because she’s my friend and I want her to be happy and enjoy her time as a bride-to-be! My mind just can’t help but wander and get stuck on thinking if I was asked to be a bridesmaid out of “pity” and if she wants to include me in these special moments with her. Any advice is appreciated! Thank you for reading

15 Comments

Latest activity by Courtney, on October 10, 2022 at 10:21 AM
  • Michael
    VIP October 2023
    Michael ·
    • Flag

    You said it yourself that you are mostly as friends when hanging out as couples together. The dress shopping normally is a really small group that would be most consistent with her taste. Too many people at the dress appointments can just add confusion. It seems best just to focus on a positive attitude since she has not even done anything to push you aside. Like you said... just focus on helping to make the event as happy for her as you can by your contributions.

    Your friendship then may blossom over time. You might also seek ways to add friends. Maybe doing some exercise classes or other hobbies with others. Find shared activities with her or invite her to take a class with you. Those sort of ideas.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Rockstar May 2022
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    I did not take any of my bridesmaids dress shopping. I only wanted my mom and sister (who happened to be my MOH, but irrelevant to my point). I personally viewed it as something private I only wanted to share with the two people that had known me my entire life.


    Some brides like to have lots people dress shop with them, and some don’t. I’d recommend trying to see it that way - maybe she didn’t want many people with her - and respect the fact that it’s up to her and she is not obligated to invite certain people dress shopping.
    • Reply
  • Celina
    Beginner October 2022
    Celina ·
    • Flag
    I only asked my mom, grandma and my MOH who is also my first cousin to go dress shopping. I have 4 other bridesmaids, but I get overwhelmed easily.


    Also, one of my bridesmaids is my fiancés friend's wife and I'm excited to have her in it! Her and I do hang out just us sometimes, but mostly as couples!
    • Reply
  • I
    Beginner October 2022
    Is ·
    • Flag

    Honestly, only my mom and I went dress shopping, out of the blue too- we just saw a bridal shop and thought hey let's just see! My best friend, who's getting married in 8 months, also only took her mom and sister. I think it's really quite normal! A lot of people make the dress shopping out to be this big deal. I know my sister-in-law also just took her mom. I wouldn't look at it that she's adding you out of pity! Please don't think like that- try to give her the benefit of the doubt, and see yourself as an important part in her life, as she was/is to yours. We create our own realities in our heads, for better or worse, and sometimes we need to be reminded of what's actually happening than what we are assuming the other people are feeling. Don't fret!! I'm saying this because I can absolutely get the same way about things- but truly, we're our harshest critics. I'm sure she's not thinking of you like that!

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    I would assume good intent on her part, and a genuine friendship there. Don't let your brain feed you a false narrative on her motivations.

    Dress shopping can be a very vulnerable experience, and she probably didn't want too many people there. Why not ask her out for lunch or drinks and a catch up? Ask her about the dress and her shopping experience.

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    Dress shopping can be a very personal experience. In my social circle, including bridesmaids for dress shopping is simply not a thing. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and not once was I asked to accompany the bride while dress shopping. In addition, I did not include any of my wedding party when I went dress shopping, just my mom.

    Unless this person invited every other bridesmaid except you to go dress shopping, then I wouldn't think anything of it.

    • Reply
  • Shannon
    Expert July 2022
    Shannon Online ·
    • Flag
    Like others said, I wouldn’t read too much into it.
    I went dress shopping by myself as I did not want others opinions and being judged.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Many dress shops have limited the allowed number of people in a group to the bride and 1-2 guests max for Covid. Not everyone feels comfortable sharing the dress shopping experience because it’s a personal thing. She’s not leaving you out.
    • Reply
  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    My bridesmaids were my very best friends in the whole world…but I still didn’t invite them to go dress shopping with me. I didn’t want to be influenced by any strong opinions, and I didn’t want to worry about feeling self conscious at all in some of the dresses (and shopping was vulnerable! Spent a whole day trying on dresses and hating all of them). Everyone has a different approach to dress shopping. Some want to share it with everyone and some really don’t. It’s not a think I would read too much in to.
    • Reply
  • Michael
    VIP October 2023
    Michael ·
    • Flag

    I think it is the unusual bride who shares so much everyday experiences with her bridesmaids that they would all be there for trying on dresses. Sometimes we can think that is the norm. This is also when we maybe see movies with fancy bachelorette parties with everyone going wild. Again, this is the exception and only few people can do these.

    Like mentioned so many times. The bridesmaid duty is to get her dress and be there alongside the bride at the wedding ceremony. This works both ways -- what the bride should require from a bridesmaid and what a bridesmaid should expect her involvement in pre-events with the bride. Of course, usually there is more shared activity than just the wedding, but not always the same degree among all wedding parties.

    • Reply
  • F
    Beginner November 2022
    FrankBKelly ·
    • Flag

    I would presume she has the best of intentions and that they are truly pals. Do not let a false story about her motivations be fed to you by your brain.

    • Reply
  • L
    Lady ·
    • Flag

    I love all my BM's a lot but didn't take any of the dress shopping.

    • Reply
  • Paige
    Rockstar October 2022
    Paige ·
    • Flag

    I probably would have invited more people to go dress shopping with me, but I had scheduled an appointment at a bridal shop in my hometown "just to look," I only brought my mom, and I ended up finding The Dress. Sometimes things just happen that way. I wouldn't look at this as anything worth worrying over.

    • Reply
  • Monique
    Rockstar October 2022
    Monique ·
    • Flag
    Have you ever asked her out for coffee breakfast lunch or dinner. That is away that you and can become more close friends. Is she distanced from you when you guys are together as couple I will say invite her out outside of you 4 group gathering. And you should know your self that when planning a wedding things can get crazy. I only had 2 ppl when I went dress shopping bc I'm sure you know how crazy it can be when there are many opinions about what dress you want. When all of the craziness calms down do that so you guys can get to know each other from the men
    • Reply
  • C
    Beginner October 2023
    Courtney ·
    • Flag

    A lot of places now have guest limits because of Covid. It could have just been that she had too many people she wanted to bring and not enough spots. I had to have some bridesmaids sit out because I just didn't have the space to bring them dress shopping.

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