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Beginner April 2021

Feel like my wedding won’t be enough..

Aubrey, on October 18, 2019 at 10:50 PM Posted in Planning 0 9

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Guys I am just freaking out and not having a good time at all planning this wedding. It was something I thought would be so exciting but now I just want it over which makes me so sad. We are already way over budget and will be having a great caterer, an open bar (but only beer and wine), dj, photobooth, etc but I just feel like it’s not enough. Our venue is huge and we both have very small families and can barely scrape together 80 people for our guest list. Our families also live far and there a 50/50 chance that they’ll even come. So I guess I feel like if they do make the trip I have to WOW them and make them not regret coming. Like I have to prove something I guess. they also are not really partiers and can’t picture our families up and drinking and dancing. I feel like my wedding will just be boring and lame and I’m going to be wishing I did more to compensate. We talked about fireworks but that adds $4,000. I really can’t think of any other things that would set our wedding apart and not make us go broke.

this is really causing problems with my fiancé and I and we are almost constantly fighting over this because he doesn’t feel like it’s needed. I’m sorry but the last thing I want to do is spend thousands of dollars and in the end wish we wouldn’t spent a little more on something that would’ve made our night.

any ideas or advice?

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9 Comments

Latest activity by KK77, on October 19, 2019 at 11:19 AM

Expert September 2021
Chelsea · on October 18, 2019 at 11:39 PM
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You 100% do not need to prove anything to anyone! Your wedding is about YOU as a couple. People are going because they care about you, and they want to celebrate your relationship with each other. It sounds like you have an amazing venue, great food and a bar, which is awesome! Just enjoy the fact you’re getting to marry your partner and will have family there to celebrate with. It doesn’t need to be an elaborate party, it just needs to be something you and your fiancé will love! It’s your day!
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Master May 2019
Cyndy · on October 19, 2019 at 12:21 AM
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I agree with PP. you have nothing to prove. Most people only care about good food and drinks and good music.
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on October 19, 2019 at 12:34 AM
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Wow, you already have a lot! Breathe. Your friends & family just want to celebrate your wedding with you. Listen to your fiancé.

Here are a few ideas:
1) Ask your photographer to take extra posed & candid photos of guests. After the wedding, send a Dropbox link to guests. They’ll appreciate high-quality photos of you both and of them looking fabulous.

2) Can you change some food options to action stations? For example, instead of a veggie/cheese appetizer plate what about 2-3 unusual passed appetizers? Or instead of a dessert buffet offer a s’mores bar and fun coffee bar (along with cake)? Since you’ll be providing food anyway, ask your venue/caterer for fun options.

Hope that helps.
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Dedicated June 2020
Kaylie · on October 19, 2019 at 1:22 AM
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I would love to have all that. This is not about the biggest wow this is about you two and you two only and that’s what everyone is there for. Everyone will just be happy to be there celebrating. I don’t think I quite get if your spending thousands of dollars why not spend a little more? Probably because you just spent thousands of dollars...it’s like oh what’s a couple more hundred....i don’t know I just don’t understand. But in your case I think you’ve done more then enough. I opt no fireworks and do sparklers or something. You can do other small things to satisfy your fear of people not being in awe. But honestly I do NOT think you have anything to worry about.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on October 19, 2019 at 2:30 AM
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It's going to be okay! As long as you properly host the guests, they'll enjoy your wedding. If you're comparing your wedding to others and feel yours doesn't measure up, I'd take a break from planning. Take care of yourself and remember that your wedding is uniquely yours!
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Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on October 19, 2019 at 4:53 AM
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You could do games or scavenger hunts? Interactive dances are usually a hit with older crowds. The point isn't to wow anyone, it's to marry the love of your life! Honestly, I'm fighting my mother about this too, she wants to show off and it makes me uncomfortable!
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Devoted February 2020
Rose · on October 19, 2019 at 7:20 AM
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Hi..I was in the same boat as you with thinking that. But I think my fiance and I have cone to terms over not having a huge wedding despite my family driving 5 hrs to get here. We have families as well and are just doing a dinner at a restaurant with wedding cake as dessert. We are expecting less than 40 ppl max. Keep your head up and feel no guilt.
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Dedicated October 2019
Yana · on October 19, 2019 at 9:47 AM
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Planning a wedding is stressful but it should also be fun and exciting and something to look forward to. It should be about you and your fiancé, not about trying to impress your guests. Not sure how far along you are in your planning but a huge venue doesn’t seem necessary if you say you’re not having a huge guest list. Is there an option of having it in a smaller room in the same venue (so you don’t feel the need to add extras to Wow your guests as you mentioned). Your guests are coming to your wedding to celebrate your love and have fun. You don’t have to have fireworks just to show off for your guests. Your wedding is going to be great as long as you’re happy. It’s all about you two and your guests will w not themselves as long as you enjoy yourself! If you’re too stressed about planning maybe take a day or two off and do something you enjoy, maybe get a massage and relax and then go back to planning after you’ve cleared your head. Good luck!
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Dedicated December 2020
KK77 · on October 19, 2019 at 11:19 AM
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Oh my gosh! Sounds like you are internalizing unrealistic expectations which happens when the wedding machine takes over. I can say that because what I am planning is not my first rodeo, I have been married before and have planned a few weddings. My FH and I are having one as he has never had one and wants to celebrate with family. I would say sit down with your FH and really talk out what is important to both of YOU! I would ask him to tell you how he feels about it and just listen to what he says, don't interject an opinion, really listen. Is it money? is it too much of a spectacle for him? sometimes uncovering those things along with expressing your stress about wanting things to be perfect can allow him to connect and understand where your stress is coming from and you can connect on this. These types of difficult conversations will happen in your married life so building the foundation on how you resolve them now is important (don't ask me how I know this, lol).
This is one day, though it can seem like it takes on much more importance during the planning and of course the marketing machine that is connected with it. If you are worried you will not have the turnout then perhaps scale it back. I know that is a hard thing because you are probably thinking, well we have this AWESOME caterer and the venue is booked and blah blah blah. I would say step away for a bit from the planning for a few days. You have time, though it does not seem like it.
Sending the positive vibes!
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