Feel like he's not in love ever since engaged. :(

It sounds like you are not the same page about roles and responsibilities. He has told you that he expects to handle the wedding financials and in return expects you to do the labor of planning the whole thing. In his mind he's done his part and doesn't want you to bother him with the wedding details. If this isn't what you had in mind, you'll need to talk to him about it.

I think you need to sit down and talk to him. If you feel a distance growing between you or that you have to walk on eggshells around him that’s not a healthy relationship. The only way to resolve issues is to meet it head on.


Don’t be afraid. This is the person your planning to spend the rest of your life with you’ll have many challenges along the way. Most men aren’t into planning. I liked that I had the opportunity to plan on my own and have the wedding I dreamed of. I’d just consult him on the big things or give him a couple choices to make. My FH is choosing one of our honeymoon destinations, the cake flavor, the classic car we’ll be leaving in and the garter toss song.

I agree with Rebelle. You need to sit down and talk to him. Tell him it’s a no judgment zone — but you wan him to know how you are feeling and that you want to know the truth about what he’s feeling. That’s the only way you’re going to figure this out. It could be something like Nicole said above, or it could be something bigger. If it’s something bigger, you need to know and figure out what to do from there. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Sending hugs and positive vibes your way!!

This is easier said than done but I think it’s important to stop focusing on how you think HE feels but rather how he is making YOU feel. It doesn’t matter if he is still in love or not if you are unhappy with the situation. And if he is making you feel bad and question your relationship all the time, you shouldn’t get married feeling this way. I think couples counseling sounds like a great move here , but I also think wedding planning should take a backseat until you guys get on the same page about how you want your lives to move forward. And if it’s really not the same, don’t be afraid of making the necessary changes.

View Quoted Comment 💯% agree with this!

I saw your previously post and between that one and his one your fiancé sounds like a complete jerk. While it is common for the guy not to be as interested in wedding planning as the bride, it doesn't mean he should be treating you the way he is. His comments about his parents in your previous post were awful. There is no way I'd stay with someone who made such terrible comments about my family. Also, the fact his own parents kicked him out of their house and his ex-wife left him because he was abusive tends to make me think this is just who he is and unfortunately he isn't going to change. Regardless of his feelings, I think you need to think about your own feelings. Only you can decide if you want to continue to be treated this way because if he's acting this way now then it may only get worse once you are married.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with this.

Reading your last post and this one, he seems like someone you need to kick out of your life, not someone you need to be wedding planning with.

Cancel the wedding planning and dump the toxicity from your life. No one deserves this.

After reading your previous post I have to agree with other people. It does not sound as though you should be planning a wedding right now. This guy sounds like he has substance abuse and anger issues as well as other things he needs to be working through on his own with a therapist. His focus should definitely be getting the help he needs and yours should be trying to repair the relationship with him and deciding whether he and the relationship are worth sticking around for.

Ugh 😖 I would suggest therapy... if things don’t start looking up in a couple months, then definitely call off the engagement. Pre-marriage/engagement should almost always have little to no conflicts or red flags in the relationship. It won’t get any better once that marriage paper arrives.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this

View Quoted Comment I also agree. He seems toxic. He is probably the biggest reason and maybe the only reason his last marriage did not work. If I was you I'd leave him in the dust before you make the same mistake his ex wife did. I normally would never say this because ever relationship is different but I'd probably learn from the ex wife's mistakes before you have to learn the hard way.

Hi sweeite,

first, take it from me after reading your post it sounds like your fiance is very toxic and I would kick him out of your life. I was engaged to a very toxic, abusive both physically and emotionally, financially, who would call me fat, ugly, stupid, and a bunch of hurtful names. oh and was convinced I cheated on him because I took too long at Walmart. and stayed because I didn't want to be alone because I thought no one would love me having 7 kids, and I wanted to fix us, he ended up leaving me stranded with 7 kids. while he went to Florida and had the time of his life. so I dumbed his behind to the curb and moved on. was a single mom and met Mr, Wonderful I Swear he hung the moon, he has stepped up to the plate and is my kid's dad and he loves me never has called me a name and when we are struggling some days he wraps me in his arms and just loves me. we have our share of conflict but we work it out. my point is there are amazing guys out there and you will find one who loves you and who respects you and treats you amazingly. please value yourself and know your worth and please know that you deserve better

Like others said, I think he’s showing you his true colors. You can try couple’s therapy but at some point you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship/marriage you want??? Marriage is great but it can be hard and trying—the marriage needs to start with a strong relationship and both people need to be willing to make it work.

Wow, I recommend you seek couple's counseling ASAP

We can't answer that, you need to talk directly to your fiancé. It may help to see a marriage counselor if you think that problems would arise

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I think you need to have an honest conversation with him. Sit down and flat out ask him what's going on. Explain to him the changes you are seeing and how/why it is worrying you. Although some men prefer their s/o to plan the wedding, it is interesting to me that he doesn't want any say in it at all. My husband didn't really care about the wedding planning but when I asked for his opinion on something he gave it & he was a huge part of our catering, his custom suit, and bar/bartender.; even though he said "It really doesn't matter to me, make it your day". Typically some men just aren't that interested in weddings, but the way he is acting is very strange to me. I honestly think you need to have a serious conversation with him and maybe seek counseling before you move forward with planning. To me, and in my honest opinion, this does not seem like a healthy relationship and you don't want to start a marriage this way.

I'm so sorry, Rachel. This isn't an easy situation.
Might I venture that you wrote your question here because you know in your heart that something is wrong? My two cents: save the money on couples counseling. If this is how he is acting now, what will he be like when you're married? My married friends say that life has enough issues and your spouse should be someone who fully supports, openly communicates, and cares about your happiness/comfort/opinion/etc so that you can tackle life together.
Do you want to marry a man that acts the way he is currently acting? A man that makes you feel in such a way that you're having to turn to a forum of strangers to get advice (a forum of strangers who fully support you, though)? It might not be easy... but keep the faith and remember you deserve to be in a fully happy and healthy relationship.

Hugs, girl!

Like many of these ladies are saying talk to him and explain what’s bothering you

View Quoted Comment I agree with this! Couples counseling might be the best way to resolve any issues that may be going on, but you should worry more about what he’s doing/not doing and how that makes you feel before you keep on with wedding planning