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Just Said Yes May 2019

Fathers deceased/ Father Daughter Dance Help!

Christine, on August 30, 2018 at 3:35 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 7

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So i saw a different strand, but i thought i should go further in depth in my personal situation.

My father passed away in 2016. He had MS for 15 years, which left him wheelchair bound for about 10 years of that. However, lung cancer is what took my father. My fiance asked for his blessing before he passed. Also, my fiance's father passed almost 6 years ago now from a suicide. Both our Fathers were a big part of our lives.

I dont want to forgo the parent dances, because i know it means the world to my FH and his mother to have that dance and to have her feel like a part of the wedding. And my mom is not comfortable at all to dance with me, she HATES eyes on her and is a VERY sensitive person. I was never close to my uncles, i have no siblings, and both my grandpa's have passed. The family who i know would potentially dance with me are however in germany, and i don't belive they will be able to make it to my wedding- otherwise i would not have an issue here.

Needless to say i want a father daughter dance, but i dont know who would dance with me as i have not had anyone step into my dad's place- nor will anyone ever replace him. I thought about asking my mother if i could use his wheelchair and let it sit out on the dancefloor while the song plays, but i felt that could really put a sober mood on the whole wedding. But i just dont' want to not acknowledge my dad.

Help?! Recommendations, what have yall done?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Jacci, on May 16, 2019 at 7:42 PM

VIP November 2019
Laura · on August 30, 2018 at 3:47 PM
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I wouldn’t use the wheelchair. That would definitely be a downer.
Does your FH have a brother or uncle you get along with? Maybe they could sub in.
Honestly, it sounds like you may be out of options and might have to skip it. I’m so sorry.
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Mim · on August 30, 2018 at 3:54 PM
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Rather than trying to make it work, try using a song he loved or reminds you of him and play it during the ceremony or reception at some point. I think during the cake cutting or entrance into the reception would be nice
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Champion October 2021
Maren · on August 30, 2018 at 7:00 PM
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Hi Christine! An idea: I have seen some brides and grooms in similar situations make a video montage of photos and play their dad's favorite song, in place of the father daughter dance. That way, there is still a set time set aside, honoring your father on your wedding day.
What is your venue like? You could talk to your venue coordinators about what kind of projectors or screens they might have, if you do consider doing something like this.
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Devoted May 2019
Denise · on August 30, 2018 at 7:48 PM
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I’m so sorry about your dad.

I lost my my dad last year. If I couldn’t dance with my FIL, I’d ask the best man to step in.
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Just Said Yes May 2019
Christine · on August 30, 2018 at 11:24 PM
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This is a really good idea. The best man is my FH cousin, but also one of my best friends. He's always had my back... so i really apperciate this thought.
I also thought my Fiance's cousin's son is in the army- which my father was too. and i thought maybe i could ask him to dance with me.
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Expert October 2018
CountryRoads · on August 30, 2018 at 11:35 PM
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I wouldn't use the wheelchair. Do you specifically want to dance? If not, what about ordering a floating candle vase with his name/picture etched in the glass. You could play a song that is symbolic of him [or something like "Candle in the Wind"] as you light it candle in his honor, then dance with FH. Not your first dance of coarse. But if it follows his dance with his mother it will make sense. And to end by dancing with FH brings sweetness to the gesture and doesn't detract from the day or the reason why you are there. FH actually could also have a candle for his dad. Light the two candles [you light your dads and FH lights the one for his] at the same time then dance together in their honor. The picture above is the vase/candle I ordered for my mom. I absolutely love it, and the vendor was so nice. Has her name and such a nice verse. if you like it you can find it on amazon
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Just Said Yes September 2019
Jacci · on May 16, 2019 at 7:42 PM
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Your dads best friend. I am getting married in September and my father passed away in December 2016. I am not close to his brothers and I do not have any brothers myself. I asked my dads best friend, who has known me since I was a little girl. He didnt hesitate to say yes and was honored that I asked him and told me those were some big shoes to fill but he would do his best.
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