Fatherless Brides.... ;-(

I lost my dad 5 days before Christmas almost 2 years ago, so I understand how hard the holidays can be. As far as the wedding, I tried to think of a bunch of ideas to include him some how in my wedding. The only ones I like so far are: instead of a father/daughter dance, I plan on doing a semi-choreographed 'family dance,' with my mom and my 5 younger siblings. And if I can figure it out, I plan to have the audio and/or video of my dad and I playing Brown-eyed girl.

I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandma passed away in February. FH and I have decided that there will be no memorials to anyone. We both feel that it's a downer to have the empty chair or a table of photographs of deceased people. I know some find comfort in these things, but it's not for us... I prefer not to have reminders.

My father passed away 3 yrs ago this week. Wedding planning has been bittersweet due to his loss. One thing that is special to me is that after going to 3 different bridal shops, coincidentally the shop where I found my wedding gown (purchased and ordered it comes in during Spring), is located across the street from my dad's grave ... ironically. It just tells me that they are always with us in spirit and signs.

I am going to honor my father at my wedding with a couple/few subtle ways. Because I am not going to "walk the aisle" with my father, I am going to choose a song that he loved (he was a part-time musician and loved music and that carried over to my passion in music) to walk down the aisle to. He was a Viet Nam Vet and I may pin one of his medals into my bouquet. As for coping ... I cry and it helps me to remember to remind myself of the good memories we had, and just knowing that he is always with you in spirit watching down over you, look for those little signs.

My dad passed away earlier this year from lung cancer. At times it's been hard planning knowing he won't be there. And I also get questions about who's going to walk me down the aisle or what to do for the father/daughter dance. It does get tiring answering those questions.

But my sister (MOH) is going to walk me down the aisle and is also going to dance with me for the father/daughter dance.

I'm also going to have a piece of his shirt sewn into my dress so a piece of him will physically be there. And we're also going to have a memorial table with my parent's wedding picture (my mom passed away 4 years ago).

My dad passed when I was 16, and My grandfather (who basically was also my father) passed when I was 23. I plan on using a locket my sister got me with their photo's in it on my bouquet, and we will also have a memorial table.

I am so sorry for your loss and for all of us who have lost parents. It is so difficult. There are things you can do -- pick a few that feel right and you'll be ok:

--Some carry pics or a small personal item on their bouquets. I carried my husband's late mom's cross instead of a bouquet. The pics were soo pretty.

--We had a section in our program called "Memory Eternal" where we acknowledged our loved ones who were with us in spirit. We made it clear that we were honoring them with joy, not sadness, on our wedding day. Family members were very touched by it. I will be happy to send the wording (or post it here) if anyone wants it. I didn't think it was cheesy. Our guests seemed to appreciate it.

--Nobody will notice the lack of a father/daughter dance. They just won't.

--At our reception, we had something we now call "a private tribute" to my late mom and my husband's late parents: we played their favorite songs. We didn't acknowledge this but one was an obscure Sinatra song his parents loved (I think I might love you) and the one for my mom was "I just called to say I love you" by Stevie Wonder. She used to sing that all the time when she called us. It was a private tribute. Nobody noticed but us (and my brothers, in the case of the Stevie Wonder song) noticed.

Don't put a lot of expectations on yourself to "get it perfect" -- just do what you think will strike a good balance. Remember it's ok to be sad and happy at the same time. This is life, on life's terms.

I wish you happiness and love, hon. Giant hugs! xoxo

I lost my dad four years ago and it burns now more then ever. I know exactly how you feel, I also lost him to cancer and was their to see his lasts breaths so for me it is all very vivid in my mind. The holidays are really hard, since I know he loves Christmas and spending time with the family. Unfortunately for me, my mom, my sister and her new husband have moved clear across the country so I don't have them to even have support, however I do have my FH. So really during this time, keep your FH close! When I feel a little sad we put on some X-mas music, decorate and it reminds me things aren't so bad and I still have him if I have no one at all. Dealing with your father not walking you down the aisle is a sad time I am also dealing with. In fact my mother asked me to have no memory thing for him at the wedding because it will upset her, however I do want to honor him. So we are doing a bubble exit because he loves bubbles and I am putting a little tag with a phrase he use to say and his name. Nothing to grand, but I do plan to play a song for him maybe during the dinner portion, just while people are eating and talking, something casual. Anyways I am sorry this is a rough time for you, just like me and many others. You will be in my prayers. Stay strong, plan the wedding, spend time with the FH, it is really the best remedy and if you have too, cry it out for an hour. Its okay to do that!

My dad passed 7yrs ago to heart disease and it is hard knowing he's not going to be there to walk me down the isle. I am having my aunts boyfriend who was always there for my dad through all the good and bad situations, he promised my dad he would look after me and my brothers after he was gone. So as i have uncles and brothers and older men cousins i am close with that could have walked me down the isle I chose Sam.

I am lucky and blessed to have had the time I did with my dad and I keep that in my heart at all times. I still cry quite a bit especially when it comes to certain times of the year.

I will be having a little locket with his picture on my bouquet and having a candle lit on a little table with his picture.

Don't worry about what everyone else thinks you should do to honor your dad's memory. I lost my dad 13 years ago. When I was younger I'd write him messages on balloons and let them go. I used to think that was how you communicated with your loved ones that passed away. It sounds a little silly now, but I was thinking of doing it again the night before our wedding. How you honor his memory should be whatever makes you feel close to him. For me, it is a private thing, I feel no need to include it as part of my ceremony or reception. It is all about what you are comfortable with.

I know this time of year makes everything harder (and I've been struggling with the wedding planning part as well), but you have a great attitude. I think that trying to focus on your good memories and being thankful will make a world of difference. It does for me.

I lost my dad to cancer 11 years ago, and it's still tough. My close friends all know he's gone, and so do do my co-workers ( I've worked and the same place since he passed). So almost all of the guests from my side know why there won't be a father/daughter dance. What bugs me is that my mom remarried, and while I love my stepfather, for some reason I don't want FH's side to think he's my dad. Petty, I suppose. I plan to play music he liked (he was a huge Stevie Ray Vaughan fan) and that's it. I get really emotional when I focus to much on him being gone, and I don't want to do that to myself.

I'm sorry for your loss

A friend of mine who lost her father, had him "walk" her down the aisle, she chose to put small photos in pendant frame and had them attached to her shoes.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Fortunately my father is still alive, unfortunately we do not have a typical, loving, father-daughter relationship. I agreed to allow him and my mother walk me down the aisle together, originally I wanted my brother to, but my FH insisted on having him as a groomsmen.

We are skipping parent dances.

You can honor him in many physical ways at your wedding, they don't need to be made apparent to guests, you can do little things that mean more to you. I'm sure you've seen where a bride had sewn a heart shaped piece of fabric into her gown that came from one of her fathers shirts, my cousin used a tie pin that her father had owned and put it in her bouquet, many brides put photos of loved ones in their bouquet, a friend of mine made sure her wedding cake was her mothers favorite flavor and someone else I know danced to her dads favorite song as her first dance.

My son will walk me down the aisle. My bouquet is paper flowers and one is made from a hand written poem he wrote about me. My Mom's paper flower corsage will also have a handwritten poem flower. Other than that I am not sure what else to do. My Mom wants a memorial table set up but if we do that we need to include all those lost and if we exclude one that could cause hard feelings. Plus...it is a wedding. Not a memorial.

Hugs!!! I was/am in the same boat as you. I lost my Dad, my best friend, 4 years ago (to the month) prior to the wedding. Planning was not the same as I think it should have been as he would have been right by my side helping and going on some of the planning sessions. There was always a hole in my heart during planning knowing that he wasn't going to be by my side on my special day.

My family really tried to help with the pain though. My Mom walked me down the aisle and I will always be grateful that she was by my side for that walk. His picture was the only charm I had on my bouquet. We did do a memorial table with all of our deceases family, with an unlit candle. It turned out beautifully. Most touching for me was that my Mom and my husband and brothers had organized a surprise "Brother/Sister" dance that happened right after our first dance. I had no idea it was coming and it almost broke my heart but was the most amazing moment as well. All 5 of my brothers told me how pretty I looked and how happy and proud our Dad would have been if he had been able to be there.

There is no coping with losing your Dad or parental figure, there's just going on day by day. Four years later I'm still hurting.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck on your wedding day and big hugs!!

This will be my first Christmas without my Dad, he passed away earlier this year, very suddenly and unexpectedly. Because I live out of the country I hadn't seen him for six months before that.

Planning the wedding knowing he won't be there is incredibly hard. Worse still is the fact that my FH never got to meet my Dad, which makes me incredibly sad.

That said, we're not doing anything really for the wedding. Mostly because my family is just not one for public sentimentality and public displays of grief. They would all find it very awkward and uncomfortable to have anything overt done.

So my brother is walking me down the aisle, and when asked who gives me away, he will reply 'I do, on behalf of our father.' Almost as though Dad wanted to be there, but just couldn't make it and asked my brother to step in. My Mum is lending my FH my dad's diamond tie pin to wear in his cravat. His wedding gift from me is also going to hopefully be one of my dad's watches that he'll then pass down to our son or daughter one day.

I have no doubt he'll be mentioned in the speeches, but nothing special planned.

He'll be with me anyway - no matter what.

Condolences to you all and thank you for your insights. I like the of adding a piece of his clothing to my dress or bouquet so that he can "walk me down the aisle" and having a fun family dance to lighten the mood and not make it so mellow. Somehow the entire thought of it is still a downer... I went to a friends wedding 2 months ago and burst into tears when she danced with her father (just the thought of not having my Dad there weakens me)... Maybe I will will take on the subtle approach or omit it all and just know that he is there in spirit. idk... hopefully I will figure it out soon..

*hugs to all*

My mother died when I was 4; father died 1st day of college when I was 17. At 24 years old, my brother in law walked me down the aisle. At the reception, I danced with husband then my husband danced with his mother. Then everyone danced. The Band dedicated a song to my father. I was ok not dancing with a "substitute" and wanted him to dance with his mother. It's sad your father won't be there but please don't dwell on that on your wedding day. I've been to weddings with tables dedicated to the deceased; I think it takes away from the wedding. Everyone knows you miss your loved ones... I like the song dedication idea. Your dad would want to see you happy on your wedding day. Don't you think?

I'm so sorry to hear. I'm fortunate to have both parents alive and well , but FH lost his mom a few years ago , tragically hit by a texting driver .

Still debating on if we will have a mother /son dance with someone else like my mom, since I don't have brothers ...or maybe just skip it.

My dad passed away 7 years ago in a motorcycle accident. We just went to 2 weddings this past month and every time they did the father daughter dance i had to leave the room and get my tears out in the bathroom. I don't think we are going to do anything at our reception such as special dances, it just hurts. I have a pen with my dads name engraved on it that was his, i think i may take that to Antigua with me and sign our Marriage certificate with it if i am allowed. I don't want to feel somber that day even though i know i will to some extent. After all, him not being here to walk me down the isle is the main reason i wanted to have a DW, small amount of guests. Now our reception back home... i hope to have a blast and have a great time, nothing to make me cry! My condolences to you, as you can see from all of these posts, you are not alone!

I was raised by just my mom, and only ever heard bits and pieces about my dad. This year we were contacted because he passed away. It isn't really a grieving process, more just knowing I will never have answers or an explanation from him.

I have always just acted like it did not impact me at all, and I tend to just try to be the strong one, or crack a joke awkwardly. I will most likely continue to do that.