Hello!
Getting married in October and very excited. My dad is very happy I am finally tying the knot and has offered us a generous sum to help pay for the wedding in return for a few requests. Future husband (FH) and I agreed because we thought it fair and his asks were not huge.
Recently though, he's been stressing me out a bit, kinda insisting, on speaking with my FH parents. He told us both on how, "back in the day", the bride's family and groom's family would both contribute to help the couple with the wedding and he wants to talk about what my FH family is contributing.
He has this mindset because his family has a "support family always" community motto and true enough a lot of my aunts/cousins on his side have very generously offered their assistance and help with the wedding without us asking. My FH family is different with divorced parents and have a more individualistic dynamic . They have not really asked us much about the wedding since the engagement announcement (which doesn't bother us). My FH also doesn't like asking for help (his family do all love each other but it's more they are just living their own lives and see each other every now and then). My dad isn't able to understand this difference in dynamics and has said along the lines of "well they should help" and "I can sit down with his parents and relay what I am giving you and we can ask from there". I understand he's doing this because he wants to make sure we're supported. However, the way he communicates sounds like he's demanding to know what they're contributing. My FH feels pressured to speak to his family now. Furthermore, both our dads have met previously. My dad, then, did not like talking to FH dad because their personalities didn't gel (he found him odd/too chatty) nor took FH dad's offer to hang out sometime. So I have no idea how things will go if my dad suddenly drops this kind of topic.
My brother and sister-in-law, confided with me a similar experience. While my sister-in-law's parents were very courteous, they did mention to her later on about my dad coming across a little bit like "so what is your side doing?"
I've managed to calm him down slightly and said it's up to my FH to talk to his family and we will let him know. However, he still asks every now and then if we can initiate something. Asking for suggestions on how to more effectively tell my dad to chill a bit (love him, and know he just wants to be supportive, but still...)
