father issues/wedding planning

@Kate Thank you for your kind words!

I'm in the same boat as you. It's a very awkward thing to handle. It feels, and sometimes looks, like a slap to his face if you have someone else do something everyone expects him to do. I thought of three ways to handle this for myself and have yet to make the decision.

1) instead of giving a mostly absent father such an honor. I thought of having both of my parents walk with me. But I don't like the idea of being given away so we would skip that part of the ceremony.

2) I'm very independent and also thought i might skip over having anyone at all walk me and just go myself. As for the dance I would still do it with him.

3) I really want to shock the hell out of people and do something new. I planned on having my FH stand in the aisle by the back of the chairs and when I come through the doors he would get his first look of me before walking with me to the alter. I thought of this as us walking towards our futures together.

However these are all more suited to my thoughts and might not mirror your own. What I would thing hard about is what is important to you. Do you want someone who you've counted on your whole life to walk with you? Or do you want to be a traditionalist. Also think hard about who you want to honor with this... it doesn't have to even be a man or one person. I would pick the person you feel deserves it the most. Also as for the dance why not do two. Start with a dance announced as "the bride would like to honor her grandfather with a special dance." And then do one announced as you and your dad.

As for handling your dads feelings I would say this. "Hey I've been thinking really hard about your role in my wedding. While I am so thankful that we have mended our past issues and I now have you in my life... I feel that I need to honor ---- when it comes to walking down the aisle. Please don't be hurt by this choice but try to understand how important---- has been to me." Play up how important the person you chose is and don't make it into an accusation. Definitely avoid blaming him for anything and if you get uncomfortable with any questions he has just say that this is what you thought would be best.

It's a very tough topic. I was initally stressed because I'm close to my stepfather and not my father. I've always had to choose one or the other and I was nervous that this would be the same thing. My stepfather has been more of a father to me. My dad is supposedly contributing to the wedding so I'll have him involved. I think Jasmine above has great advice. It's truly your day and if your dad hasn't been there, he doesn't deserve to be involved.

Hello date twin! We are skipping both of these traditions.

I understand how you feel, Andie. Your situation sounds very familiar to mine. I have decided that I am going to walk down the aisle on my own. Still trying to decide what I'm going to do for the father-daughter dance. As Kate mentioned, you can't please everyone. Just do whatever you feel is best for your fiancé and yourself.

I understand what you're going through. I'm walking by myself. I'm also not doing a dance.

It's your wedding, whoever you choose to do these things with should be meaningful, not obligatory. Or if you really really feel like you have to do something with the father, why not have a dance with both of them? Make sure you save a dance for dad while everyone else is dancing