Family&friends Upset with Non-traditional Wedding Help!

Just tell them before you go and who doesn't show up to your party in the states isn't good to be around. You should surround yourself with positive energy.

Are your families helping pay for the wedding? If not, they have no right to tell you what to do. End of story. It’s totally fine to elope if that’s what you and your FH really want. But if you decide that you do want to have a wedding and your parents aren’t helping pay for it, you need to be firm and tell them that you will be the ones making all the decisions. I know is hard with parents, but you are an adult and they don’t get to tell you what to do anymore. If they are helping to pay for it, then it gets more tricky but hopefully you could find a balance between what they want and what you want?

Oh and the people who truly love and care for you will be there no matter how you decide to celebrate your wedding. The ones who aren’t going to be there for you don’t matter. Don’t try to appease people who don’t deserve it.

Your thought are mine exactly. Im looking into a honeymoon location that offer elopements. Maybe we'll through a party once we're back and settled or maybe even next year. But yes spending all this money for one day to please everyone else is something I have no interest in.

Each and every time anyone tells you that you must invite so and so or you must have such and such, ask them for the money to do so. EVERY time.

As for the elopement, there's nothing wrong with that if you both want that. What does your FH want? Also know that there are a lot of choices between a big wedding and an elopement. You could do a lovely small ceremony with 20 or 30 people. Have it at a restaurant with a nice patio. There's a gorgeous farm to table restaurant near me that does weddings. Look for something like that.

My fiancee and I are in the same boat as you. I come from a family with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...that I haven't seen in years. My parents and her parents know that money is tight with the wedding. My fiancee and I agreed to cap the guest list at less than 60. It means facing a hard choice as to whom gets an invite. I decided to not invite any of my cousins (I have like 30+), so that frees up my side of the church to have my best friends. I read in "Budget Weddings for Dummies " that it's completely ok to say that you (and your future spouse) are trying to have a small wedding with closest family and friends. So, you dont have to invite great aunt Tilly who hasn't seen you since you were in OshKosh overalls but would just LOVE to be there. Instead, send her a wedding announcement or a letter. It is YOUR wedding, not your relatives. If they insist on having great aunt Tilly there, then they can cover her costs.

View Quoted Comment This exactly. My husband and I paid for our wedding ourselves, so our parents had no room to complain about our brewery ceremony and brewery wedding. It was still lovely, just unconventional. We had my husband's family's minister marry us because we're close with him, not because we felt obligated. At the end of the night, our minister, my dad, and husband's mom told us how much they loved every aspect of what we did because it was personal to us. Your wedding is about you and FH. He's you're family now, and my MIL gave me for advice once: "you take care of what's under your roof first; that means yourself, my son, and your dog - if you have enough love leftover to give anyone else then great, but YOUR family comes first now."

More guests = more money & more stress. So unless you really want that big wedding, ditch it.

Don’t share anything with your families yet until you & your fiancé(e) decide what you both want: guests, location, theme. Then think about telling your parents and asking for their support. If they won’t get behind it, you can elope or enjoy a small wedding with friends. But plan what YOU want.

My DH & I had a wedding with 15 guests, pirate reception in a wine cave & it was amazing (we did a small 60’s theme reception back home for local friends). Untraditional & very us! We planned everything & kept details secret so we could surprise guests...worked out well because nobody could complain/criticize our ideas. NOT the big wedding I would dream about in my 20’s... even better. 💕

Go for what you want!

View Quoted Comment I love that quote from you MIL!! So true. I’m going to keep that one in mind.

Thank you, guys! I appreciate the feedback coming so quickly! I just want the two of us to be happy and not have it be about hurting or pleasing people. I knew everything you guys said is the way to go, but it helps to hear it anyway. I got an idea since I'm feeling better about it. Maybe I'll show a slideshow of the elopement or a video at the party so I can be hiding in the crowd while it plays instead of out front baring my soul for everyone. Then it'll be more in the spirit of partying rather than an important ceremony/performance and everyone can feel included.

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That's a great idea! Me and my FH are doing a small courthouse ceremony and then having a larger reception that weekend. We also are not religious and didn't want to have a very public ceremony. We were going to elope and then come back and do a reception but we eventually decide to save money from traveling to elope and put it towards a longer honeymoon. My dad and paternal grandparents were so not on board originally with us eloping or having a courthouse ceremony but after I explained to them (multiple times) that this is what we want to do, they seem to have come to an understanding. We're also forgoing a lot of the formal traditions (there is no way we're going to do a first dance or anything like that). I think the most traditional "wedding" thing we're doing is having speeches and a cake cutting lol. Just do what you and your fiancé are comfortable with. If your family is caring and supportive, they'll come around. You just have to decide what you want and stick your ground.

View Quoted Comment I agree! Your MIL's quote was ..is AMAZING! I'll take that advice!

View Quoted Comment I LOVE LOVE LOVE this idea! I may steal it *hehe* we've decided to elope and have a celebration next year on our anniversary and that would be great to do, play the actual ceremony on a projector or something.

View Quoted Comment Go for it! I think it'll be nice too

The people who truly love you and care about you will get over it. My FH and I are of a similar mindset, which is why we are having a very small ceremony and reception with just immediate family, grandparents, and our best friends (18 people total). Some of our family members weren't happy that we didn't want to get married in a church with all the bells and whistles, but they're coming around. I say do what makes you happy and will fit in your budget, and the people who really matter will come around. Good luck!

I'm going through something similar. I suggest you two speak, agree on your vision and make it happen. Make the day special for each other. The next day everyone else is doing their own thing.