Family with Bad Relationships

Do you want them there? That's really all there is to it. You shouldn't invite them just because you think they want to be there and you shouldn't exclude them because you think your mom might be uncomfortable. This is your day and the guest list should be what you want.

View Quoted Comment Thanks for the response Carolyn! I really don’t know... I know they love me and I love them, but there’s no relationship there. They don’t even know what I do and they’ve never met my fiancé. I don’t want my wedding to be uncomfortable and be about family drama. I also don’t want to create new family drama by not inviting them.

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They have no grounds to start drama if they haven't made an effort to have a relationship with you in the last 10 years.

We're not inviting my FHs dad's siblings. There's no issue there he just doesnt have a relationship with them so he didnt feel they need to be apart of our day. It's ultimately up to you! People realize you can't invite everyone to a wedding. For a September wedding, I would get your save the dates out asap though!

View Quoted Comment Thank you Rachael! All the other Save the Dates are good to go and in the mail today! Was just going back and forth with my aunts 😉

I personally am not inviting family that has made no effort to see me. They can be family and not be invited. Five years without contact or seeing each other is a long time. If they get upset, that’s on them. You can politely point out that you have had no contact with them, and you’re having a small, intimate wedding (even if you aren’t). Ultimately it’s up to whether or not you want them there, but from what I can see, it seems like you don't. If you have to question it, then probably not worth the invite.

I had something similar come up to, to save the drama I decided on not inviting my family from up north. Just to make sure my wedding went as smooth as possible and that everyone was comfortable. If they haven't seen you since 5 years ago, never met the fiance, and haven't made the effort to keep in communication with you I would save their spot to someone else you and your fiance would prefer to be there. If they ask be honest, not your fault. But congratulations on your wedding, have fun and soak in the moment.

They didn't reach out after the graduation, but did you? If you didn't, I think it doesn't look good to invite them to your wedding after not communicating since you invited them to your graduation, like you only contact them for gifting events.

View Quoted Comment Hi Pam, thanks for the thought. Gifts are the furthest thing from my mind. That is not why I’m inviting them, and if they would think that of me, then that’s on them. I don’t have their phone numbers and they don’t answer my emails. They always say in person, “come visit me!” but they never make any attempt to visit me and never have, even when I was a kid and we did have a relationship. It was always us going to them. Maybe that answers my question for me...

It doesn’t like an invite is necessary. For your own comfort leaves on your wedding day is skip the invite.

Think about if you want them to attend. Ask your mom how she would feel having them there. My sister and I DON'T have a good relationship and I'm not inviting her to my wedding. My mom isn't overly happy, but then I reminded her that it's my day and I don't want problems.

I think you should have who you want there. The people who are there should support your union and be there for you and your spouse. if they don't know him or make any attempt to see/talk to you there is your answer. As far as you said them coming unannounced to your graduation party, you invited them they may not have rsvp'd but they only came because you sent them an invite. They might not put effort but nonetheless they came to see you.

If you have a good relationship with your mom, I would ask her how she would feel if you were to invite them. It could be a great opportunity for them to begin moving past things and bridge a gap OR it could make her totally uncomfortable! I think it's up to the both of you to decide what you want.