Family Wedding Drama...

Family problems are the worst! I’m getting married in august and my brother is getting married in October. My brother is close to my moms side of the family and I am not. I know he will invite them all to his wedding. And it put the pressure on me to do the same. Ultimately I decided that this was my day and am not inviting them. Not because I think they’re terrible people or anything at all like that. I wanted to be surrounded by the people who have been and will always be a big part of my life. While I knew them as a child, it hasn’t been 20 years and they are (sadly) practically strangers to me now.

Sounds like a decision needs to be made. If it is important to you that your ex-aunt share in your big day, then stick with it! Perhaps attempt a phone or in-person convo with your uncle. I hate using emails and texts on these situations because emotions get misread, etc. Try and help him understand that this is in no way taking sides, an attempt to hurt him, etc. If that fails then you’ll have to figure out how to move forward from there.

Regardless of what you end up doing, good luck!!

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Great suggestion! I agree with the text and email thing its way to often that people read a message with a tone that was not intended.

Oh weddings haha I sound have went to Vegas haha!

I think its awesome that you stuck your ground and decided what was best for your wedding Congrats and thanks for the advice!

What ever you do don’t uninvite her. Assure him they won’t be sat next together, but that she’s important to you and will be attending. If he can’t be mature enough to deal then oh well I guess he will stay home with new wife.

This is your day!! He needs suck it up and get over it! You are obviously close to her and care about her still or you wouldent of invited her. If he has to be a little uncomfortable for one day of his life to make the best day of ur life go smoothly he needs to do that and stop being selfish! My aunt and uncle got divorced 6 years ago and i am still closer to my "ex aunt" than i am with my uncle. Luckily he dosent care and is okay with it.

Your uncle is a drama queen. He should be able to suck it up and be in the same room as his ex wife for a few hours for a special occasion. Seat them as far away from each other as possible. I second having a conversation with him. Tell him you love him and want him to be at your wedding. Assure him that he doesn't have to talk to his ex. If he can't put his negativity aside for a few hours for his niece, that says a lot about him.

Is your former aunt a reasonable person? If so, you might mention the situation to her as long as you don't think she's the type of person who would use the information to make the situation worse. By her knowing, she might try and stay in the background as much as possible.

Wouldn't it be nice if adults actually acted like adults? Just remember, this is his problem, not yours. If he doesn't like the situation, he can keep his sweet ass at home.

"Dear Uncle, We would love to have you attend our wedding, and, if you feel you can't do that, we will miss you."

Do not placate, explain, justify, bribe, plead, or uninvite your aunt.

View Quoted Comment ^^ THIS. He is making YOUR wedding about HIM. Do not let him do that under any circumstance. If he cannot act like an adult and put his feelings side for a few hours out of one day foryou then it sounds like he has bigger issues than seeing his ex. Do not get into an argument with him about it and don't let him manipulate you into uninviting her by saying things like if you insist she's there then you love her more than me etc. Because that's not the case at all.

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^YES!

I would absolutely not respond with any emotion. Your mom has already explained to him why she is invited. There is NO reason for you to defend your guest list. If he chooses not to come then he will be sad later because of that which is his consequence. If you are worried about him acting out during your wedding you may want to alert your venue about this. And I would absolutely NOT talk to your aunt about this. This is not her problem and she does not need to be brought into this any more than you do.

Weddings make some people act so bizarre-ly. I had my own fair share which I'll share with you just so you know you aren't alone - but what I learned was that at the end of the day none of it matters. Remember to focus on you and your husband and remember moments throughout the day and none of this will matter. And just so you know you're not alone: my dad's sister refused to come to our wedding with no intention of letting us know because we did not invite one of her sons (FYI she has 4 sons. I am close with one. He was invited after my dad told him he was and I discussed with my dad I would not be inviting all 4.) My aunt only likes her one son (in a weird way) so she decided to try to stick us with the bill for her and her husband. My sister in law also told my husband's cousin they should RSVP no after they had RSVPd yes because we couldn't afford our wedding - I spent HOURS explaining we did not invite more people than we could pay for and we wanted them to attend. Another of my husband's cousins switched table numbers to put herself in a place close to our table while putting his mother in a dark corner - we still hear about this to today.

BUT it was still a beautiful day that I will always remember with joy and I could not be happier about our marriage. None of this or any of the other nonsense actually mattered. I know it's SO hard but take a deep breath and try to remove yourself as much as you can.

I wouldn't respond, and just ignore him. A grown man should not be acting like this, he should be more mature than that. I'm inviting divorced family members. I didn't cause their divorce and it's no one's fault that they got divorced, so I'm not blaming any specific party.

Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and stories. They really made me feel better about the situation.

Little update in the saga. Now my uncles new wife messaged my mother informing us that since none of us were "mature" enough to respond to the emails that she will not be attending the bridal shower. Can't win people haha.

I'm going to try to call him this week and hopefully end this silly nonsense.

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Thanks for the stories! And that switching tables thing is apparently common at my cousins wedding my grandmother took it upon herself to switch tables and some of the guests were upset because they were misplaced. Lesson learned to ask grandma where she wants to sit hahaha..

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Very well said.