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Savvy June 2021

Family Unresponsive to Postponement Announcement

FutureSWJ, on June 16, 2020 at 1:46 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 13

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Like many of you, my fiancé and I have decided to postpone our wedding which was originally planned for June 27, 2020. Due to pressure from a very pushy mom (and against the recommendation of our planner) we sent out our invitations in late Feb/March. My mom explained that various of her 7 brothers and sisters had been wondering why no invitation had been sent and said this was affecting their plans (we had provided a website and save the date a few months back, but she said her siblings were older and needed a physical invitation). After sending the invitations out, I received an online RSVP from one aunt. When COVID happened, we postponed our wedding to September 2020 and followed up with a mass email and postponement card in the mail. (When gathering emails for my Mom's family, I was hurt to discover that there was a family email chain which included my Mom and sister but excluded me). While many family members on my fiancé's side and Dad's side responded, I heard nothing from my Mom's side of the family, with the exception of one uncle who RSVPD "no". Fast forward to this weekend when we decided to further postpone to June of next year. No one on her family has reached out. However, they posted about a graduation and birthday and posted a picture of all the aunts and uncles at my sister's wedding a few years ago. When we decided to postpone to June, my mom said that she and others were sick of the "back and forth" and found our wedding and postponements to be very negative. Maybe that's why they are not responding? I'm really confused as they have received 2-3 correspondence spread out over months. I have a turbulent relationship with my Mom but to my knowledge they aren't aware of this. Thought? Advice? Anyone going through something similar?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by FutureSWJ, on June 17, 2020 at 4:49 AM

Legend June 2019
Melle · on June 16, 2020 at 1:53 PM
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Uh first off i think that's kind of annoying they even said they're sick of the back and forth and think it's negative - that's kind of rude of them to say
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 16, 2020 at 2:05 PM
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Thanks. My mom made that comment and referred to "they." Im not sure if she was just referring to her own feelings or those of her family.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on June 16, 2020 at 2:05 PM
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If I'm reading this correctly, "pressure from a very pushy mom (and against the recommendation of our planner) we sent out our invitations" - It was your mother's idea to send the invitations when Covid happened? Maybe it's me, but it sounds like your mother said something which caused such negativity. (Just because of who I am... - so don't per say do as I say)... I'd ask your sister to forward me the email and then do a reply all to the entire email chain and explain what happened. Apologize for the twice postponement and be sure to notate that THEIR HEALTH and well being is of the utmost importance and making the decision to postpone a second time was to allow all of them to still be a part of the celebration and for no other reason. (if they truly feel "negativity" about the postponement this will turn it back on them... remember, don't do as I say... I'm just saying what I'd probably do, because I'm THAT person... LOL)...
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 16, 2020 at 2:12 PM
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Yes. You are reading this correctly. I would t be surprised if that occurred. I was able to get their email addresses and in my correspondence I said that the safety and health of our family was our number one priority. We also acknowledged that many people are coming from out of state and out of the country. Our decision was made out of consideration from our guests. Radio silence!
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on June 16, 2020 at 2:30 PM
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You know what, at the end of the day - I wouldn't worry about it. you did your part and "screw them" if they are that petty and think your wishy / washy. And if it was your mother that said something... well, shame on her. If you learned nothing but to leave her out of your decision making you're winning.
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Expert June 2020
Kelsi · on June 16, 2020 at 3:08 PM
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I ran into stuff like this a lot, except it was my family saying directly to me how irritated they were. I think a lot of it boils down to people not being understanding of the situation. If they're not planning a wedding during a pandemic and then having everything go up in smoke, they won't get it. Especially someone from the older generation.
Just remember to breathe. I've learned it's best for me to just not respond and try not to get defensive.
In the end, everyone's negativity was how we decided not to throw the big celebration and just get married.
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Super September 2020
Leanne · on June 16, 2020 at 3:32 PM
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Wow....girl I’m sorry your family is acting this way. Part of me says screw them and have a small wedding with people who care. The other part says, invite them and tell your mother to respect your feelings and choices and if SHE can’t be positive, then to not say anything else to you about. Sounds like you’ve gone above and beyond for these people.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on June 16, 2020 at 4:49 PM
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I mean, our families didn't particularly give us much support. I've been hearing stories about families doing things for the couple like sending care packages, but my fiance and I really haven't heard much from our families. I don't think they understood why we postponed, and yet now I think there's a level of annoyance that we have to go ahead with our plans because the venue won't move again. No one planning a wedding right now can predict anything- this has literally never happened before. It's one of those burned if you do burned if you don't - older generations will be upset about not being there, but also mad you're having an event.

Like what do you want me to do Aunt Chris?! I couldn't foresee the country shutting down. I think everyone needs to have a level of patience, and being pissed might just be a coping mechanism for everything going on.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on June 17, 2020 at 4:19 AM
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Honestly, I'd stop involving your mom, and just do what you need to do. A lot of people are hyper focused on just getting through right now, but that doesn't mean they should take it out on you by being rude.
I'm sorry. Families can be the worst.
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 17, 2020 at 4:35 AM
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Thank you. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. I'll try to breath. Even if I don't respond, it's been eating me up inside.
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 17, 2020 at 4:37 AM
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Thank you. We are having an intimate ceremony with immediate family in September and a larger reception/vow renewal next year. Even if they never respond, we have received support from our friends.
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 17, 2020 at 4:44 AM
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I'm sorry that your families aren't giving you more support. The pandemic definitely does not bring out the best in some people. We are all doing the best we can and it sounds like you made the best decision given your options. Even the health experts are learning and being flexible and adapting to new information! Patience and sympathy are key.
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Savvy June 2021
FutureSWJ · on June 17, 2020 at 4:49 AM
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Thanks, Rebecca. There's a weird dynamic where information and responses to our wedding correspondence go directly through my mom despite our efforts to communicate directly with our guests. It's a "respect your elders" type of thing. I agree though that it's best to cut the middleman. I'm hoping that some of not most of the delay is due to the pandemic rather than dislike of me and my fiancé.
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