Family turned strangers

Seems to me your family likes taking, but never giving anything in response. It's perfectly fine to not invite selfish people, even if they are family!

People deal with death differently. They really may not know how to deal with the situation and choose to ignore it. Not the best, but its what some people do (me included).

I know you reached out and explained your thinking/feelings. They may be embarrassed or ashamed. They may look at how much time has passes and not know how to take a step in the right direction after so long.

I'm sure it's hard feeling like your family isn't there for you when you need it. Besides these instances, have they been there, been supportive and loving? If so, reach out. Maybe about the wedding, maybe about catching up because its been a while.

First off, my deepest condolences. I remember reading your story, and my heart breaks for you.

As per your question, I'm conflicted about this... people do grieve very differently. Family death's tend to bring out the worst in people (..and weddings to a lesser degree... >.< If most of the conversations have to do with his passing, they may be reacting badly to that.

I would feel out the situation a bit more. Just keep in mind that your wedding is not the same thing as your father's passing. Your wedding may be the beginning of the bridge to heal the wound - something they can bond over. Or they could simply not care/want to be there.

If you really don't want to try and mend that bridge... don't have them there. Kidding don't give them any real update. That's a great way to sever the connection entirely.

I am not in the same situation but definitely the same as in family not talking to me in years for whatever reasons they have. I decided to not invite them to my wedding. Yes I have thought about regret but I also don't want to have to deal with any drama or having people at my wedding who really don't care. They know I am engaged (most of them do and I'm sure the ones who didn't know have found out by word of mouth by now) but don't know when the wedding is. I'm sure once the find out when it is or when it has passed there will be questions (maybe not though because like I said they don't really care). I am planning on addressing that if and when it comes up.

If I were you, I wouldn't want these people in my life - ever. Period. But I'm not you, and I don't know how you would respond with that type of no-contact. Right now, don't make your decision for them. Make it for you, and what you want from them in the future. If the answer is "nothing," then don't invite them and make a clear clean cut. If it is "maybe something," consider the invite anyways and ignore them (if they bother to show).

First of all, I am so sorry for your losses. My heart goes out to you.

Personally, I would not invite them. My FH's family had a falling out with some family members earlier in our engagement and we did not invite them to our wedding. To make a long story short, FMIL has a couple of really toxic aunts who have steamrolled the family their entire lives. It's their way or the highway and if you don't agree with them and their opinions, you are an idiot in their mind. They are extremely rude (they would make comments about my FSIL's weight in front of everyone at family functions, tell me I wasn't good enough for FH in front of the entire family on holidays, etc.) and just overall miserable people. They had a falling out after FMIL finally had enough after all these years and we have not spoken to them in well over a year. We did not invite them and do not regret it one bit. We want people there who are supportive of us and our families through the good and bad, and they do not fit that bill.

The good news is, you still have some time. I would just wait it out for now. If you are wanting to send out STD, maybe skip them if you are still unsure. You could always send them an invite once it is closer if you guys do makeup. However, if it were me, I would be done with them. They sound selfish and you and your family have been through so much in which they have not been there to support you all. You need to prioritize you and your happiness!

I would absolutely not invite anyone who isn't there in support of me or my family in good times and bad. Weddings are expensive and it sounds like you've always had to cater to them to make the relationship work. Why spend your hard earned money on inviting people who will ignore you likely in the future over something else? From the post and your comment about the high school graduation, I'd safely bet this will happen again over something else. Don't invite them just because they are family. You absolutely don't have to put yourself through anything anymore and you don't need to bend over backwards for people who are notorious for breaking plans and promises.

Personally, I would not invite them. No regrets. I get everyone grieves differently, but to only contact you about buying your dad's car/no call for your great aunt either, and no reply to your mom's call... nope, nope, nope. Inviting them may actually cause tension among the other family members (your mom, great aunt) they ignored.

If you reconnect in the future, you can always invite them to a holiday gathering, brunch, baby's b-day party, etc. But don't use your wedding as a way to mend a broken relationship--I think it may backfire on you. Of course, trust your heart over advice here.