Family trying to invite distant relatives

Lots of experience with this, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with it!
Just be sure you and FH are in the same page and give the same message to everyone, “We’re so grateful there are so many people who want to celebrate with us! We are however, limited by Covid restrictions and our venue choice and so we’re unable to expand on the guest list.”

Put your foot down. Get used to setting and maintaining boundaries because people will do their best to control not only wedding planning but your life decisions beyond that. Repeat no as often as you have to.

Yup! Grandma said if I don’t invite HER family she will not come, I said why would I invite them if they are your family and not ours? I’m her only biological grandkid so I figure she will come no matter what she says. Especially considering we live together until FH and I find a house to buy lol 🤣 but in all seriousness, the more people who try to threaten me into inviting people the less I want to even invite them, saves money that way too!

This will depend, at least somewhat, on if they're helping pay for the wedding or not. If not, learn to say no to them and not give into the pressure.


If they are contributing, there are some compromises so you can still have the size wedding you and your want:• Cut people by circle. For example, tell them they can invite first cousins but not second cousins or further.• Cut people that you haven't seen in more than a certain amount of time (around 2 or 3+ years is a common benchmark).• Cut people you have never met.• Give your family a hard number on how many additional people they can invite. For example, they get to choose 10 people, no more.• Put these distant relatives on a "B list," meaning they only get invited after someone more important declines.
Good luck!

Who's paying for the wedding? If it's you, then just say "no, we can't accommodate these people". Don't give reasoning or excuses, because that's an invitation for people to try and work around the problem.

I just said no. But I had some good points there : those people hadn't been speaking to my parents for like 20 years, now they came along, and I'm getting married... Nope! I don't even know them really. And they didn't invite my parents to their kids' weddings. So.... sorry, but I'm not even sorry 😉

Both my mom and MIL wanted to invite people we don't ever talk to or see on a regular basis. We just said that we don't have enough room on the guest list for them and shut it down immediately. We are paying for the majority of our wedding (my parents are contributing a little) and our guest list is like 95% family and family friends so we figure they can't get mad at us when they personally know the majority of our guests on each side.

Yes! My MIL wants to invite people she grew up with and family she hasn't seen in years!! My FH and I had to gently remind her that we are paying for our own wedding and this is out of the question. I am asking her to give us a list (with a specific number of people and below!) and I told her she cannot invite anyone else that isn't on that list. I think it's a cultural thing, our parents grew up in Latin American Countries and huge weddings with extended families are the norm. However, we are in California and weddings are very expensive, so that's not happening here. Be stern and stick your guns, this is YOUR wedding, the last thing you want is a bunch of strangers there.

Why are they inviting people to your wedding? That's not how any of this works