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Just Said Yes November 2022

Family Trauma/ Leaving Home/ ldr

Laura, on June 10, 2021 at 5:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 2

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Hi everyone. Me and my fiance got engaged recently but I have a lot of things I need to get over before I make the big step. There was a recent family trauma involving my father. He's very emotionally manipulative towards my mom and he's recently developed a mental illness and I've only just discovered this and I'm 28. (It's a very toxic household).

I've never lived away from home before and my fiance lives in another state. After the wedding, I was going to move away to live with him and his young son. I'm terrified to leave my mom alone with my dad. My sister who is married lives on the 7th floor so if anything happens she can come running. I'm still shaken about discovering about my dad and his true nature. I still want to see him as the dad I grew up with. I don't want there to be any tension during the wedding. I'm starting therapy for this but I wanted the advice if other engaged brides like myself. Any suggestions?

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Latest activity by Rebelle Fleur, on June 10, 2021 at 9:20 AM

Devoted June 2026
Kaylee · on June 10, 2021 at 9:16 AM
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Take the time you have before the wedding bro spend with your family and attempt to get things fixed. After the wedding go live with your new husband so you can live your own life.
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Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on June 10, 2021 at 9:20 AM
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You must always do what’s best for yourself and your own mental health first. If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to be there for anyone else.

If you know your fathers true nature don’t disregard it or try to see him as you used to. That is a grave mistake. See people as they truly are and act accordingly.
Your physical presence isn’t the only way you can be there for your mother. Send her uplifting messages everyday, call her, advise her to go to therapy and visit her when you can.
When you become married the family you just created is your priority. Everyone has family drama and trauma but how we deal with it determines how our relationships are affected.
You and your sister should come up with a plan of action if they need you there or if your mom is in danger. I’d tell her a code word or statement that she can call you and say, something he wouldn’t read into and go on from there. People who have been in abusive relationships for a long time (whether it be physical or emotional) tend to cling to that partner because that’s all they know or they feel they deserve to be their. No one is going to be able to get your mother to leave but her. She has to find the strength to do it herself.
If I were you I would leave and continue living my life. If you stay you will continue to be drawn into to the cycle of abuse and do a lot of damage to your current relationship.
Maybe plan a girls day with your mom and sister and have a serious talk to a family therapy session so you can let her know how this is affecting you. If you don’t want your father at the wedding tell him he can’t come or sit him far away from you.
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