Family staying at our home while on honeymoon

I would tell him these need to be joint decisions. This sets the tone for how his family will treat “your” new home as it’s not just his anymore! No visitors while you aren’t there is very reasonable

Thanks Kelsey. Makes perfect sense.

I don’t believe you’re overreacting. I would tell your fiancé you aren’t comfortable with this. It’s very important to set boundaries early on!

I could see this both ways. We went on our honeymoon later and my mom did stay at our house to watch the cat. But the day of our wedding and the next two days we stayed at a nice hotel in town and my sister had asked if she and her boyfriend could stay at our place. I REALLY wanted to say no because 1. she could have had a hotel room paid for free and 2. she is VERY messy and I am VERY clean and I did not want to come home to a mess.

My husband was actually the one who talked me into letting her stay. I asked her to please make sure the house was my standard of clean and she did her best ... haha... and it worked out fine. But I definitely agree with the other poster that this should have been a joint decision. Especially if you will have JUST moved in.

Talk to him about it and how it made you feel. You may come to a diffeent decision as a couple.

I can see both sides.
If they are traveling from out of town and you won’t be home, im sure they were just thinking they would save on getting a hotel for a week. I know we always try to stay with someone when traveling where we know people.
You should have a discussion with FH and decide together what would be best.

In some families staying at a relatives house is the norm. My D offered up their 4 bedroom house for my H and I and OOT guests for her wedding. We also stayed there to watch their dog and our grand daughter when they went on their honeymoon a few weeks later. I do think you’re overreacting but you have a right to your own feelings so you should speak to your FH if you feel so strongly about it.

Staying with relatives when traveling. But the to-be-wed and newlyweds are exempt from this hospitality. They are going to the work of a very big act of hospitality planning their wedding reception. And with you starting a mo e only weeks before, while still wedding planning, with furniture to rearrange, presents every which way, decorating to make it your home together, and still packed things, it is outrageous to just expect the couple to have anyone not performing a service ( regular housekeeper, child care if you had kids, pet sitter) in their home as a guest for at least a two month period. When you are gone, you need to agree with FI on a long term basis, do people ever stay as guests in your home when you are away. But this wedding or newlywed chaotic time is totally unreasonable, not just an invasion of privacy, but the fact that you do not want any guests you cannot treat properly, and to do so you would have a few pre-wedding days to do all moving, everything in new places, beds made up, nothing in guest rooms in the closet or dresser, or boxed on the floor. Any general etiquette book, current or of mom and aunt's generation would say, first, no one invites themselves to be houseguests, whether the family member or friends will be using their house, or not. Unless helping in dire circumstances, no one expects, including closest family, to be accommodated as a guest when someone is seriously ill, and rest of family not up to playing host. Or at any time a month or two before and after moving, when people are overburdened and all is allowable chaos. And no one expects accommodation as a guest, the last month or more before a wedding, or 2-3 months after. Standard good manners. Family always has more leeway than outsiders, to say, we need a place to stay. Can you help us out? But not at these well defined crisis and transition times. Talk to FI. Explain they are out of line with what most people expect and do, otherwise known as standard manners. Then talk about how each of you generally feel about your new family home. Neither of you is now a single person who can decide alone that others can crash in your place. Why are his Mom and aunt looking for a place to stay for a week after your wedding? For their convenience to visit other people while you are gone? For a couple of days before your wedding, 2 , and 1 after, if you can afford it and they can't, it would be nice if you to put them up in a hotel, motel, or B and B at night. If they have traveled long distance , not with other family. That is it. Your place is never on offer during post wedding time. I would not want the invasion of privacy of guests while I am not there, anyway, much less at this time. Would FI say yeah, sure to your uncle and a cousin? Not likely.

How I hate WW when trying to make a correction before posting when cursor freezes, cannot go back, or when moving the cursor to change 1 letter bleeps out a line or 2! The post above should have started, there is generally nothing wrong with staying with relatives while traveling.

You’re not overreacting at all, I would be so uncomfortable with anyone staying at my house when I’m not there!

You're totally not overreacting! I'm confused why they want to stay in your house after the wedding and not go home? And to just invite themselves??

If you're uncomfortable with this you need to tell FH just that. There is no need for you to come back from your honeymoon to a house that was inhabited by others. What is their standard of cleanliness? Are they going to leave a mess for you to come home to? Even if not, I still don't see why you need people in your home.

He needs to tell them he jumped the gun saying it was ok and actually you guys would prefer that no one stay in the house while you are away.

You can't reward bad behavior (them TELLING him they're staying). Don't let them get away with acting that way or they will continue to walk all over you.

Thanks everyone for the real advice. To answer a few questions....all three ladies are retired (60-70)so I assume they want to hang around for vacation. They don't know anyone in the city. The drive for them is about 5 hours. Regardless, I figured it was inconsiderate of them to even mention it. We would have hosted 150+ people over the past 2 days and spent (ourselves) thousands to have them celebrate with us....now you want to lay in our house for a week? They've always been nice do I didn't want to rock the boat....but I felt this was too much, too soon. If it were just his mom...I'd be okay, but the aunts initiated the idea and are out of line. They have sons who live overseas and have enjoyed their homes for years while there gone ( not my business)....but I'd hate for that to "rub off" on fiance's mom, lol. I'm going let my fiance know that I'm not okay with it and that we will invite them at a better time, after we settled in. Thanks all!

Why are they staying in your home? Do they not have their own homes to stay in? That seems super weird. I'd talk to your fiance ASAP.

View Quoted Comment Believe me, that's where my mind went too. They have homes. My fiance also lived there by himself for 3 years...and no one asked/demanded to stay with him during that time... nor visited (except his mom). I don't understand why they would think it would be a good time now. Since he won't be there they wouldn't be there to visit him but probably want somewhere to stay for free. I get it....but between me moving to a new town, celebrating our marriage, us hosting a large event, and travelling out of town...it just seemed obvious that it wouldn't the right time.

View Quoted Comment

Can you budget for a hotel for them, the night before the wedding and the night of? Then after, they can leave (like all other guests) and head back to their house.

So you're definitely not overreacting, but in my culture its expected so I didn't really mind when both his aunts stayed over the wedding night and then one of them for the week after since she traveled from Greece to be their for him. My parents also housed my dads cousin and wife plus 3 of my cousins and their significant others and a baby (in a 2 bedroom so lots of air mattresses) -- it was mostly fun until his cousin and wife became too demanding. I think if you know the people and they're not expecting you to entertain them its ok. But you're not comfortable with it at all so bring it up!

View Quoted Comment They have already made their own hotel arrangements for day of and before the wedding, using the hotel block. (We've blocked 4 local hotels for guests) Our wedding is on a Saturday, but they are looking to stay our home the following Monday thru Thursday

"Sorry, Mom, but, on second thought, that doesn't work for us."

View Quoted Comment Simply put, thats the jist of it. Thanks

I would not be comfortable with this either, especially because they will be alone in your home while you aren’t there with them. Your FH should be making these decisions with you, not for both of you. I would talk to him about that. It’s also concerning that his family “told him” that this was happening, not even giving you both the courtesy of asking if that was ok. Allowing that sets a precedence for future occasions where his family will try to do the same thing because they got away with it this time.
My H had an issue with this too, making plans or telling people they could come over to our home without telling me first. I would end up having to run to the store and get food for 10+ people because HE told his entire family they could come over for a BBQ and then never bothered to tell me until an hour before. I let him know that that wasn’t cool, and it’s OUR home, not just his.

View Quoted Comment Oh gosh....that's what i dread, too...a routine of rude behavior. Thanks for the tip!