Family secrets

I would leave it completely up to your fiancé how he wants to handle that situation.

View Quoted Comment He is zero help in this situation. You should have see. The nightmare of planning our son’s baby shower. I could not get him to even give me addresses for his aunts or grandmother. I mean they are going to find out one way or another when they announce us by his last name I guess. His sisters are old enough to know they true they are 20 and 11.

I suggest to sit down and discuss what he wants, heart to heart. If he doesn’t seem to show interest, I guess you have to leave it as is 🤷🏻‍♀️

View Quoted Comment I understand that guys can sometimes be less than helpful in terms of planning LOL However, in this particular situation, it would probably be best to let him know you will not be making the decision, it is completely up to him to decide whether or not to invite his father‘s family, and that you will support him in whatever he decides. Personally, I would not want to get involved in such a touchy situation. You run the risk of your MIL being furious with you, and it could potentially ruin your future relationship with her. It is your fiancé‘s family and his family’s secret. I would let him decide whether he wants to invite them or not, and also let him be the one to break the news to his mother if he decides that he would in fact like to invite his father‘s family (so she has the opportunity to have a discussion with her daughters prior to the wedding- just letting them find out when it is publicly announced at an event is incredibly insensitive to them!). You taking the reins and making the decision could really make you the person everyone blames if the situation doesn’t go well, or if your MIL‘s relationships with her daughters are in any way strained because of this. Personally, I wouldn’t want that on my head. I would prefer my fiancé make the decision, since it is his life & his right to do so. You doing it could be perceived as overstepping or “causing problems”.

View Quoted Comment I get what you are saying. His mother and father have a good relationship so I been told. She for some reason just refuses to admit that they have different father’s. I have talked with my fiancé as soon as we got engaged he finds it funny and says he would purposely sit his mother next to his father. He would do it just to piss his mother off. I will sit down again and talk to him. If it come down to it and he does not give me an answer I will have to sit down and talk with his mother. I don’t want to be in the middle but I have no choice. This situation is making it so hard to plan anything. I thank you for the advice I really don’t know how to go about this.

View Quoted Comment I plan to talk with him for a second time.

So I'm assuming his dad is somehow friends with the family if everyone likes him? Is the mom still married to his sibling's father? Was it an affair? I'm sorry for being nosy but it's hard not too, this is very messy. Also, if he has his dad's last name and the family does know him, I'm sure they've put it together by now (def the 20 year old) who his father is.

View Quoted Comment She actually never got married. She was with my fiancé’s father for many years not sure how long. He still talks to the whole family. They absolutely love him. When they split which they were never married she started dating this guy who she is still with for god knows what reason he was in and out of jail for years on drugs. She had two kids with him both girls 20 and 11. My fiancé is 31. The family other than the daughters know. I am almost 100% positive the 20 year old knows the truth. She has lies to her kids for years about who my fiancé’s father us and told them that his last name is his middle name and that they all have the same last name which is an obvious lie. The rest of the family know but never told the daughters.

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This is just so strange and seems like such an unnecessary huge lie! I don't see how the 20-year-old doesn't know at this point, and she'll probably just tell the 11-year-old herself whenever they're mature enough. I guess going back to your original question, you really can't be the one to break this news (if it is even news to anyone at this point). If FH doesn't want to deal with it, leave it be. It's not like his sibling's are being lied to about their own father's identity (hopefully?!!!) so they really aren't directly being negatively affected or misled in life. Weird. Wish I had more advice.

Ok ya’ll are skipping over a little detail the original poster had mentioned!!!!!!! when they are announced “mr. and mrs. Smith” these 2 daughters are gonna hear the last night THEY were told is the middle name... so it WILL come out at the wedding whether fathers’s side of family is there or not....

View Quoted Comment I need to have a sit down with his mother if he won’t she is going to have to tell the truth. Before we get married or her kids are in a shock of their life. That or not invite the sister but that is just rude and will cause more drama.

View Quoted Comment Agreed!!! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thanks this is such a bad position to be put in

View Quoted Comment If FH won’t give you an answer and make a decision then that is his decision and you need to just leave it alone. He may not want to tell you that no he doesn’t want to invite them so instead he acts indifferent. Like Chrysta said, this is 100% his thing to decide on. If he doesn’t want to take the reins and make a decision then his family doesn’t get invited and that is the decision.

View Quoted Comment I agree that it will not be right for the mom to let it happen this way, but again this isn’t for you to worry about or to fix. This is for the mom to figure out and deal with herself.

View Quoted Comment Idk where it got confusing he wants both families there. It’s the fact that the daughters don’t know that my fiancé has a different father. That their mother has lied to them about it. My concern is how I go about inviting both with this lie she has spun. The issue is they are bound to find out once we get announced.

View Quoted Comment Oh ok. If FH wants them invited then your only role is to invite them. Give mom a heads up that this part of his family will be invited and leave it be. The rest is up to her and her alone as she is the one that has let this secret go on for so long. Don’t stress about it. Send the invitations and say “hey FYI FH wants his father and other family invited ok to the wedding so we will be doing that. Just wanted to let you know.” Thats it, that’s all that is expected of you. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment If your fiancé has verbally said that he wants his father‘s family invited to the wedding, and he has verbally stated that he wishes to be announced as “Mr & Mrs (insert father‘s last name here), then he needs to inform his mother of this so she is given the opportunity to speak to her daughters before hand. Another option is to simply not be announced using that last name, and no one will be the wiser. They could just announce you as “ The happy couple“, “ The newlyweds“, “ The new Mr. and Mrs.“... etc etc.

View Quoted Comment We are going to have to inform her of this issue. I know her well enough to know she is going to throw a fit like a toddler. It becomes our issue is she refuses to tell her daughters.

View Quoted Comment He wants to be announce by last name but I could speak to him about maybe something else. Everyone it that family but the daughters know the truth. He wants to invite his father and that side of the family.