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Savvy August 2021

Family Re-connecting advice

Laura, on October 15, 2019 at 7:53 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5

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Ok long story short; while my FH dad was losing his battle to lung cancer, his mom pushed the dads side of the family away and made her boys (FH and his brothers) think that side of the family was all bad people. Fast forward almost 6 years. FMIL is a narcissistic whack job that kicked her two oldest sons out of the house and doesn’t talk to my FH because he talks to the older brothers (little brother is 24 and mom pays for everything so he follows her lead). Neither the mom nor little brother are invited (she did some shady stuff I won’t go into detail). However, we did make the first step in getting back to the dads side (attended a cousins wedding a few years ago). Although we don’t keep in contact with dads side, I wanted to keep family options open for FH because he doesn’t have much left, and wanted to invite his aunts, uncles and grandparents! (His older brothers somewhat have contacts with that side through posts on Facebook).

how do I go about inviting them but also without having to give an explanation and also not have to tell them about his recent relationship status with his mom?! Lol

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5 Comments

Latest activity by Laura, on October 16, 2019 at 11:37 AM

Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on October 15, 2019 at 11:52 AM
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You don't say anything when you invite them. If they come to the wedding and comment on the fact that his mom isn't there you say, "Unfortunately, she wasn't able to be here." If they question you further, you just say, "I don't want to get into the reasons; she just wasn't able to be here." You don't mention that the reason she wasn't able to be here is that she's such a narcissistic whack job that you didn't invite her.
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Master August 2019
Rebecca · on October 16, 2019 at 3:05 AM
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Honestly, given her behavior... they probably won't ask. They know.
No one asked me where my mom was at my wedding. They all knew, or if they didn't, they were far too polite to ask.
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Savvy August 2021
Laura · on October 16, 2019 at 7:47 AM
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At first, I wasn’t sure if we were doing nailed save th e dates so I was trying to figure out how to send them a Facebook invite without having to give an explanation. However, then I remembered that they sent us an invite to a cousins wedding out of the blue so we could too! (Turns out we are doing mailed save the dates but I still invited them to the pre-save the date I originally sent to out of town peeps on Facebook.) 🤞🏼
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Devoted July 2020
Brandi · on October 16, 2019 at 9:09 AM
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Family is family regardless of any situation that happens. Therefore, I don't think an explanation is needed. An invitation shows that there's an olive branch there that you'd wish to extend and hope that they accept. Go for it and I hope it all works out. Also, I'd start building more of a relationship more. If you're friends on social media, comment on statuses and pictures. If they live close by, offer a dinner/date night. Things that suggest that you really wish to have a relationship.
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Savvy August 2021
Laura · on October 16, 2019 at 11:37 AM
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Yea... it’s just hard because my FH’s mom would like brain wash her boys into thinking they are mean spirited people so it broke any relationship they had. I’ve only met the aunts and uncles once and h th At was 4+ years ago! It just is such an odd situation to navigate because both my sides of the family , however odd they are, are very tight. He is an introvert who is not entirely on board with all of this, so I am treading lightly!
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