Family picked adult menu option for child - how to handle?

You could reach out to them to say something like, "Hey! We are going over our final numbers for our caterer, and we just wanted to double check that you intended to select the adult meal instead of the kid's meal for [child]?"

Some kids around age 9 or 10 might prefer adult meals due to portion sizes of kids meals not being enough for them, so the adult meal might have been the intended choice in this scenario. If they confirm that they selected the right option, then you should cover the adult meal for the child.

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I completely agree with Lisa. I know my step son at age 10 will eat as much as my husband and I combined for dinner, and sometimes still want more! It's a common age for boys to be going through a growth spurt, and they are like bottomless pits for food! 😂

Unfortunately, I think in a way you opened yourself up to it by allowing them that option. Ideally, it's better if guests can order at the table and kids are likewise offered kids meals at their table or a separate kids buffet. If the venue is requiring orders in advance then reply cards need to be very specific as to kids' options.

The problem you have now is that you're either going to have to allow it for any child whose parents request it or let these parents know that there was a misunderstanding and that children that age are meant to get a kids meal. Otherwise, it won't be fair when guests see that an exception was made.

It’s your wedding, who cares if you annoy the parents? They are annoying by not choosing the kids option.


I would just let them know you changed it and if they come back, explain the price difference and that you would be willing to let the kid have the adult item if they pay the difference.

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I agree that the parents were a bit clueless. Most people are well aware that you don't do this. However, as a host it's even worse to ever ask a guest to pay for anything. Either you provide the adult option to all children or none. It's not a restaurant, not to mention that would still be unfair to others.

View Quoted Comment Isn’t it unfair to the couple who is already paying this amount. I’m just saying if they insist their child has to have an adult option, it only seems fair that they pay the difference since it was budgeted for a child.


A $200 difference in meals is literally the cost of my save the dates and invites, I couldn’t budget that much for a kid. Personally I would say “hey I noticed your child was put down for an adult meal, unfortunately there is a big cost difference there that was not budgets so we will be changing it to the child menu”if they insist then I’d just say “I understand you concerns however we are already spending so much for our guest to enjoy their meal, if we pay that extra for your child something else has to be cut and that is not fair to us. Some options could be that they share some of your meal or if you would like to pay the difference of $200 I would be happy to order them the adult meal.”

View Quoted Comment Guests should never be asked to pay the difference (or pay anything at all). When selecting their meal from the choices provided, guests don't know (and shouldn't know) the pricing of each option. They are simply choosing from a list given to them by the couple, and I fail to see how that's considered annoying if they don't pick the option that the couple thought they'd select. Asking guests to chip in on the cost is rude. The couple getting married is not excused from following etiquette just because it's their wedding.

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Not unfair at all, because one of their two options is to tell the parents that you're sorry for any misunderstanding but child guests are served the children's meals. Offering them the chance to pay the difference needs to be off the table because it is the host's responsibility to cover the entire cost of food and drink for guests. I would keep it simple and not go into any justifications. OP is the one who decides what is offered, not the parents. As I said, it's not a restaurant.

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No, you should never ask a guest to front the cost for a meal at the reception. A 9 year old is easily capable of eating an adult portion, my kids both could. Also you never reference costs with your guests, this is against etiquette completely.

I would go ahead with the choice made by the family. Honestly it's a reasonable choice. 4 chicken nuggets and a handful of fries is unlikely to fill up a 9 year old.

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It's not the quantity of food that makes it a child's meal in my experience it's the selection. At any wedding I've ever been to where there is a children's menu there is more than enough food to fill an adult. It's not typically the same thing as a kids menu at a restaurant. If OP wants to offer the adults meal to kids, that's fine, but then she'll have to do it for anyone who wants an adult meal and make it clear that that's an option.

There was no price difference between kids and adults at our wedding. Kids were charged as adults and had their choice of a regular or kid friendly meal.

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My point is that a 9 year old can easily eat an adult meal, in my experience. If the child is sophisticated enough to want the meal, good hosting says to provide it. OP is on the hook here for not defining who is considered a child, ie "for guests 10 and under....".

What happened at your wedding isn't really relevant here, because I do note the price difference between a child and adult portion here. My point is that the responsibility isn't and never should be on the guests.

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I only mentioned my wedding to suggest that I would personally lean to providing the option to all children In OP's case because you can't politely make an exception for just one. Sorry if I didn't make that clear. But you're right, there is a big price difference and that's why I gave the other option, ie of contacting the parents and saying there was a misunderstanding. Most people have the common sense to know that a 9 year old is considered a child in this context. Whether they can eat a lot is beside the point. As I said, quantity is not usually the issue.

Good hosting doesn't require a host to break the budget or provide adult meals for kids, so I have to disagree there. Guests don't dictate the menu, hosts do.

To clarify - we did put on the RSVP site when picking the meal option for each person that this is the menu option for kids below 6 and those who are above 6. The kids option still includes an appetizer, salad, meal and dessert + bread/rolls and drinks. So... plenty of food!

We would not ask the parents to cover the difference in cost if insistent on having one of the adult options for their kid. I agree that is bad etiquette. However, also feel that if we do it for one kid, we have to do it for the others who are around the same age, and that can quickly add up.

If you were specific with that on the RSVP, then it's fine to call the family and clear up the confusion!

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you!!!

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Unfortunately, none of this would be OK on OP's part. Talking to a guest about the expense of their meal and agreeing to bill the guest the difference for something they would prefer would be crass and an etiquette violation on her part. It was wrong for the guest to order the adult meal for their child but two wrongs don't make a right.

View Quoted Comment .....and I still agree with ASHLEY!
Have a great weekend 😀

Consider reaching out with a polite and light-hearted message, explaining the situation and expressing understanding if there was any confusion. Offer assurance that you want to make sure everyone has a great experience. Most guests will appreciate the clarification.

The parent decided what is appropriate for their child and you accept that. You don’t get to ask them to cover the costs.


Not all children eat chicken strips or whatever fried foods venues serve. Some have more adult palates and it is what it is. A couple can decide to be explicit on the reply card (which is often frowned on as too much information) by detailing the menu options including that all children 12 and under will be served (fill in the blank). Beyond that, the hosts have to accept whatever the guests choose from the selections offered. At the end of the day, it’s not the guest or the child to blame that the venue chosen has a required caterer that charges $X per person and Y costs $Z extra.