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Just Said Yes November 2020

Family opinions...

Catelyn, on January 25, 2021 at 10:52 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 17
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So my husband and I married in November in. A very private, just the two of us, style ceremony. We eloped.. well my family refuses to acknowledge that we’re married because they weren’t there physically. Their comments grate on my nerves and make me feel like they’re cheapening my relationship. It’s annoying. I don’t know how to best handle it

17 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on January 26, 2021 at 7:56 AM
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag

    I know my sister eloped and didn't tell anyone in advance. Our family was really hurt. What made it worse was that she then sent out wedding announcements asking for money. Did you tell your family you planned on eloping?

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  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Hi Catelyn, if I were in your shoes, I would send wedding announcements to lots of family (great aunts, second cousins, etc.) and place a wedding announcement in the newspaper as well. This may be something tangible for them to accept you are indeed married, no if’s, ands, or but’s about it. Hope this helps ❤️
    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    It's unfortunate that they aren't reacting the way you would like, but they are allowed their own feelings of disappointment at being excluded. Send out announcements if you like (I think these used to be much more common) but only if you genuinely want to share your good news with no expectations of their reaction to the announcement (because you can't control their feelings).

    I would just move forward with your married life and try to treat everyone the same as you always have, unless they are being actively mean to you (and then, just ignore them). In time, they will have to get over it.

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  • Yasmine
    Rockstar October 2020
    Yasmine ·
    • Flag

    See, I'm gonna be the odd ball because it doesn't matter that they're "entitled to their own feelings" if they're not acknowledging your marriage then that's disrespectful. I get them being upset that they weren't in attendance but you and your husband are married and its your lives. That's what you decided to do. Being hurt is one thing but refusing to acknowledge it is childish to me. At the end of the day if they can't be happy for you and your husband, I would ignore them and continue to live your life.

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  • Apryl
    Devoted March 2022
    Apryl ·
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    100% agree with this. Your marriage is very much so real and between the two of you.
    Hopefully you family will come around to reality soon.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    The end of the day you guys are married whether or not anyone else was there to actually witness it, so it is kind of disrespectful they don’t acknowledge it
    • Reply
  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    I agree with Yasmine. I can understand why they feel hurt, but I think it's disrespectful of them to not acknowledge that you are married.
    • Reply
  • Mrs. Spring
    Master April 2021
    Mrs. Spring ·
    • Flag
    I agree with others your fam is being disrespectful. Nip it in the bud asap
    • Reply
  • Allie
    Rockstar November 2021
    Allie ·
    • Flag
    While they might be upset that they weren’t included, that doesn’t mean your marriage should be ignored! My FH had a cousin who secretly got married and didn’t tell anyone for like a year because he and his wife just wanted to enjoy their marriage together first. They live in Hawaii, so when they came home to visit we had a big picnic style party for them to acknowledge their marriage. Maybe you could do something like that, really laid back, not wedding at all, just a little get together? It might make them feel better if there’s some kind of celebration. Only if you are comfortable with that though!
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    That's on them. Ignore them. Cut off contact since they don't respect your choice.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Did she actually ask for money? Wedding announcements are customarily sent to everyone to let them know of the marriage, and often to let them know name or title changes, and their post-marriage place of residence. People are not required to send a gift, that is not their purpose. Since sending a gift to people you care about is customary , when they marry, and whether or not people are at the ceremony, many will. But they do that with or without announcement cards. You don't sent cards to get gifts. They likely are simply happy they are now married, and want to share the news. It would be nice if you could be happy about their news, instead of simply focusing on yourself not being there.
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Yes, she had a sentence at the bottom of her announcements asking for money/gifts.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Nothing wrong with eloping, and sending announcements is fine. But mentioning gifts or money in an announcement is rude. By why did it all bother you so much?
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    My parents were hurt they weren't invited or at least told about it before she got married. She then tried to tell my mom she expected her to give her money because my parents helped pay for my brother's wedding and bought my wedding dress. She felt she was entitled to cash or a check in the amount equal to what they spent on us. My mom told her she would have been more than happy to pay for my sister's photographer since they took photos after or a new dress for the wedding, but since she didn't even know they were getting married she obviously couldn't contribute. But my sister was making other questionable decisions (doing drugs, quitting her job, and dropping out of college) that my parents weren't comfortable just giving her a lump some of money.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that because parents would happily have spent money on a wedding, or college, they have automatically written the money off as budgeted to give under any circumstances. But your mom is right. Parents never made that offer. Gifts are entirely up to the giver, and not something one is entitled to. And if sis is making one poor decision after another, including drugs, your mom is correct in thinking any lump some would be a mistake. You must be sad at the whole direction and values your sister is showing, not a simple matter of eloping. I am sorry. It sounds distressing for the whole family.
    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    It was a very difficult time. She is a nurse and actually worked at a drug rehab so I was surprised when she started experimenting with drugs. However it has now been over a year and she has turned her life around. She is back to work and quit doing drugs. We are both currently pregnant and due three weeks apart. It has been great having my sister back because for a while it was like she was a completely different person.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That is what I would want. I think those who do not want others at their wedding are entitled to elope if it makes them happy. But a whole series or alienating things , being scared for my sister's welfare, would frighten me. Happy to hear things are back on track. Babies close in age with sister's ( or brother's) is fun, as well as backup over time. Enjoy!
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