Family Only Ceremony/dinner, Extended Family/friends after party

Can't you possibly arrange a simpler ceremony that could have all your friends and family? If it is a matter of being uncomfortable with the standard ceremony, make the ceremony less formal. Avoid the wedding precession by entering a side door. Or, at the party site, be sitting down at a table until the officiant comes and starts the ceremony.

If you also just plan a party with finger foods and snacks, set up the event from 1pm to 5pm. The options depend on the reasons you have asked about a family-only ceremony

What are your motivations for having dinner with only family? What is your vision of the After-party? Are there budgetary constraints, or do you and your FS want more privacy?

While I have read about family- only ceremonies, everyone is invited to the reception meal. I personally have not witnessed this type of wedding, and I've only heard about the type of hosting your describing on Reddit where couples are slammed for rudeness and being cheap (e.g. Open bar for guests invited at X time). A "tiered wedding" is essentially ranking loved ones and limiting hosting based on your ranking. This would be considered poor etiquette.

The family only ceremony would simply be because only family is invited to the dinner reception which is about 40 family members, no friends. I would think whoever is invited to the ceremony should be invited to the dinner or that would be offensive. So if I’m not inviting friends to dinner then they should not attend the ceremony.


The dinner with family only is due to budget reasons.
While I understand tiered weddings and people will feel offended because they were not invited to the dinner - all friends are not invited to the dinner so there would be no ranking. It would be a clear cut of family only ceremony/dinner and friends may attend the after party only.
The after party would be small bites and an open bar. We live in the city which is where the wedding would be and most of our friends live in the city or the surrounding area so I figured if people want to celebrate with us then they can attend the after party.
Hope this helps understanding my thought process.

I think the way to offset hurt feelings is to have the friend celebration on a completely different day. Have your ceremony and dinner with the family and then another night have drinks with friends. Congrats to you!

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I'm tyring to picture your Afterparty at a public pub/bar or at a private room at a hotel or restaurant. I think it will come off as awkward overall. Your new guests will mingle with your ceremony guests and the latter will inevitably talk of the joy and tears had at the ceremony which others were not invited. No one likes to feel they've missed out on a fun party, especially if it's hours before. Add in that you will most likely be dressed in your wedding attire, and it's salt in the wound. Although you may think others won't be hurt, many of your loved ones do want to witness the commitment part.

Like Michael suggested, I would invited everyone to the ceremony and afterward have an informal cake and punch or appetizers open house at a non-meal time. Or as Rosebud suggested, a post-wedding party on a separate day. Other WW posters have also added costs are lower for a morning or brunch wedding or a weekday wedding during the off-season. Best wishes.

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Do something on a different day. It will make the most sense. This way the guests who weren't invited to the wedding and reception won't feel like they have to give you a gift.

Tiered weddings are invariably at higher risk for hurt feelings, which is why they are against etiquette.