Family members

Unless budget and/or capacity are extremely tight, I cannot imagine not accommodating one extra guest to help my disabled relative, but it sounds like you already responded how you saw fit, so I guess I'm a little confused on what you're looking for advice on?

Where I can completely understand your perspective of not wanting a stranger at your wedding, in this specific case I think I would make an exception.

I agree with Chrysta.

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I agree with Chrysta on this matter.

I would allow it. Clearly she needs help getting around.

I agree with everyone else. This is a unique situation. He probably needs help tending to his wife.

I don’t think that’s inappropriate of him to ask at all. He’s not asking to bring someone random for no reason. He’s asking to bring her daughter for medical reasons, and that makes it entirely different. It sounds like he might not feel comfortable traveling/flying alone with her. Certain things, like helping her use the bathroom, could be difficult for them in public places. It would be easier if there was another woman to enter the women’s bathroom to assist, for example.

Ordinarily I am team ‘no extra guests’ because 99% of the time people have some ridiculous reason why they want to bring someone. In this case however, I think it would reflect poorly on you and your partner if you didn’t allow the daughter to come.

While the daughter may not biologically be your uncle’s, and the wife may be his third wife, it does not detract from her being ‘his’ daughter, let alone that they have a legitimate reason for asking to bring her along. If I needed assistance travelling with my partner and someone told me I couldn’t bring an extra person to help but they could instead ‘travel with [us]’ I would be quite offended, personally.

If your uncle and his wife are invited, I would try very hard to accommodate their daughter. It sounds like she's only attending to make it possible for her mom to attend. In order for my mom to attend my nephew's wedding (her grandson) we really needed to have her caregivers attend with her (she'd suffered a significant stroke and needed round-the-clock care/assistance). Without that help, there is no way she could have attended and would have been heartbroken. For daughter's wedding, we invited my aunt and uncle, who were 88 and 94 years old. I knew there was no way they'd be able to attend on their own (driving over an hour each way, they can both be a bit unsteady on their feet, etc.). Even though we did not invite ANY of my other cousins, we did invite one of their daughters and her husband because we knew it was the only way they'd be able to attend. Good luck!

If he’d contacted you and said “my wife requires a caregiver for assistance, is it OK if the caregiver attends your wedding?” what would you say? The fact that the caregiver happens to be her daughter isn’t relevant in my opinion. She should be able to attend.

I understand the caregiver aspect. It’s hard for me to be okay with the situation based off how my uncle is handling it. We’re barely engaged. Our wedding is OVER 7 months always. He will see me in person at Christmas and that would have been more appropriate than over text. Also he doesn’t have an invite yet and covid could completely change our planning, which would mean he wouldn’t even be invited if we need to downsize.


I think it’s also hard to understand why the daughter needs to be at the wedding since it’s only about 4 hours that they would be there. My aunt and uncle come over every year for Christmas without additional people (her daughter) and they do just fine., the only problem is the steps since my aunt can’t do those very well, she can walk though. My aunt is able to go the bathroom basically by herself in my grandmas cramped bathroom and my venue has fully handicap accessibility.

View Quoted Comment I think if they went through the trouble of asking immediately about the daughter attending to help, there is a valid need for it. They obviously sat down and thought about the logistics and determined it was in her best interest in terms of safety to have her daughter there to assist. To be honest, I think you’re being incredibly insensitive about the situation. You are not in a wheelchair, and you do not have MS, so you cannot begin to grasp the gravity and difficulty of her illness. And they should not have to justify it by breaking down every action they need the assistance for. I think you should be understanding and compassionate and allow her the additional person for assistance. I also think it was in incredibly poor taste to suggest the daughter travel with them yet not be able to attend the wedding. I do not however feel it was in poor taste for your uncle to text you with his request. They saw a situation where they needed additional help and wanted to verify that it would be ok as soon as possible. I am sure traveling with a handicapped person requires additional time and consideration when planning. And if the daughter will also be traveling with them, there is the additional finances associated with it. On the contrary, I think it was very thoughtful of him to bring up his concern as soon as possible, rather than wait until you were further along in planning and possibly cause more work for you. As far as your Covid concerns go, if you feel the need to communicate the possibility of having to reduce your guest list should restrictions still be in place at the time of your wedding, you can state that on the wedding website you made available to everyone. Then all of your guests will be aware that is a possibility.

View Quoted Comment Seven months is not a long time when there's travel involved, which you incinuated there was when you mentioned the airport. I agree with Chrysta that you're being slightly insensitive to the situation. It's not like he's asking to bring a plus one. He's asking to bring someone for additional medical support.

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I'm a little confused about your comment that "he doesn't have an invite yet...." Your OP sounded like he was included in the online save-the-date. Were he and his wife supposed to receive the STD info? If so, that implies they will be invited. (Unless, of course, Covid continues to create havoc and the regulations at the time require you to cut your guest list -- that is different. If you have to cut them then, that's just an unfortunate, but understandable, reality of our current times.)

I agree with pps that I don't think your uncle was overstepping or being rude by asking you about this. If you sent him the info for the STD, it makes sense that they are trying to think through the logistics of attending. If those logistics require assistance for his wife, I'd try to be charitable in interpreting his actions. If they know that you won't be able to accommodate their request, they may not plan to attend. I understand the request throwing you for a loop -- especially if you're struggling to keep to an invitation cap; but, if you're close to this uncle and want him to attend, I'd try to accommodate the request if possible. Good luck!