Family members with children

Following, kind of in the same boat.

We ended up deciding that we are going to hire a babysitter for the reception and then we have an after hours for those sticking around that don't have children.

I don't really have any advice but as a mother I would be forced not to attend if I had to travel out of town. You don't have to invite kids if you don't want to just know some people may not be able to come.

Depending on the ages of the children it may be unreasonable to expect those people to come to your wedding. You have to decide how much you want them there.

Hire an off site babysitter for the time of the wedding. Kids can go there.

They could get a sitter if they truly wanted to come!

You're not forced to invite kids. You made a decision; so did they. Having children, for all the delights and rewards, means sometimes not being able to do exactly what you want to do. If they can't come, they can't come.

It's not always feasible to get a babysitter. First of all that's a lot of money. And if it's out of town that means theyd have to have a babysitter for a lot longer for travel time. I would never leave my child with a stranger in a new state. Again if you don't want kids fine, but the sentiment of "if they want to be there they will be" just isn't true for a lot of families. I really wanted to be at my cousins wedding but at the time I was a single mom living on one paycheck and I had to decline. She was hurt I didn't come and I felt bad but it is what it is.

You can always have an on site sitter too if parents want to be close. Finger foods and games. Easy peasy.

Edit: I've seen this done on and off site and it seemed to work fine.

We said, "I'm sorry, you will be missed." We only had one couple who was OOT not come because of us not inviting children (and one couple who was local and their childcare fell through). Everyone else was totally on board with the no (except WP) kid wedding.

Parents have choices. They can leave the children at home with a trusted sitter. They can bring a sitter with them. They can hire a licensed, bonded sitter through their hotel. They can decline the invitation.

I guarantee that all these parents manage to get out of the house occasionally without their children. I'll bet some of them also had child free weddings.

Do keep in mind though, that many parents will not drop off younger children with a sitter provided by the bride and groom. They have no way of knowing if that person is reliable, much less skilled, licensed or bonded.

@muriel, do you think parents would be more likely too if the bride/groom gave parents the sitters qualifications?

The last one I saw went fine but the bride was a mother and used her sitter so I guess people felt more comfortable since she was trusting the sitter with their own kids? Genuinely asking.

@Julie- it depends on the age of the kids and, to a lesser extent, how many kids that sitter as expected to care for. Parents usually have their child spend some time with a new sitter when they are at home before they go out and leave the kids with a stranger. This would be a complete stranger and some kids don't handle that well.

@muriel - good to know! Thanks!

We decided to have adults only . Then I thought what will the flower girl and rung bearer do while the adults are having q good time, so we just decided to not have them either. Now I gotta hurt some feelings.

@Candis --- Oh yes this is a thing for us. We are having an adult-only affair. My out of town guests figured it out - in a couple of cases one of the spouses is staying behind with the kids (sad face). My oldest sister is the only one who made passive comments that she didn't really like it that she couldn't bring her daughter - but yet again - she figured it out and will be there.

Your guests will figure out a plan too.

You are not being forced to do anything. You just need to decide what you prefer. Would you rather have more people able to attend and include the kids. Or, are you ok with people declining the invite and not attending if they can not arrange childcare?

My cousin had No children, except in wedding party. All out of town guests had to find a solution. My sister and her husband have kids. She went to the wedding and he stayed home. It was an out of state wedding. You're not responsible for having to find an option for them. Stand your ground. This was the first oflike 20 weddings I've been to where no kids were allowed. It was so weird for me. I'd never really heard of this. Especially in our ginormous family. It was difficult for couples not to be able to both go, but that isn't your problem. If you let some come and not others who had to make difficult arrangements, then it would be an awkward conversation.

Either they find a sitter or they don't. It's not life or death. When you decide to have kids, you do so with the understanding that you can't always make it to every event no matter how much you want to go. I missed my best friend's DW in August because I didn't have the expendable income due to having a kid and I didn't have anyone to watch him.

And @Julie I don't care if the sitter is so qualified that they went up to heaven and shook Jesus's hand. I'm not leaving my kid with a stranger, for hours, that I haven't personally vetted myself, while out of town. On site or off site.

Thanks for the advice everyone i appreciate the input.