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Savvy February 2021

Family issues/not agreeing

Mackenzie, on September 25, 2019 at 3:30 PM Posted in Planning 0 12

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So my dads been asking me about wedding stuff and where I’ll be having it. so I’ve been talking to him about it. he’s upset that my fiancé & I are wanting to get married at my grandparents church and then a nice venue close by that’s a golf course and they have a really nice inside area. My dads big on getting married in a church which is what we are doing but he’s mad it’s not “our own” church. My fiancé & I believe in god but we don’t think it’s necessary to go to church to believe. well my dads not happy with our place of the wedding. He said we should have it in our town and at our own church. Well venues in My town are crazy expensive and I’m not trying to go broke. He said he would help but first off, everything I found in my town is over budget. and then I told him the food we were thinking about having which is pulled pork buffet style and then my dads like “well your mom and I had chicken and steak and seafood why do you want peasant food” like it’s MY big day!!!!! Why should it matter it’s what I WANT! And then he’s like who’s going with you for your wedding dress. And he got mad I didn’t say him and he’s like “I want to go what’s your budget” and I said right now our budget is $1000. And he’s like “well your mom paid $1800 you’re gonna have to up your budget”... like I’m happy with my budget. and I’m just getting frustrated. the wedding is still far out but he’s making me not excited. debating a courthouse wedding and I’m sad because I don’t want that.

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Jennifer, on September 26, 2019 at 11:25 AM

Champion October 2009
2d Bride · on September 25, 2019 at 3:34 PM
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Unless he's paying, he doesn't get a say. I'd just plan on your own. If he asks about anything, you can say something like, "We're working on that," or "It's all under control, but I want it to be a surprise."
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VIP October 2019
Ivy ORP · on September 25, 2019 at 3:36 PM
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If it were me, next time he asks about wedding stuff politely let him know that you appreciate his interest but you have different visions and you would like to plan the day you want but still want his love and support. It seems very weird to me that he is telling you to spend more money and referred to your food choice as "peasant food". Is he concerned about what people think? Times have definitely changed since he and your mom married. I would also remind him of that next time he tries to compare.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 25, 2019 at 3:40 PM
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parents can be really annoying about wedding planning. As if they think it's theirs or reflects poorly on themselves. Go on with what you want. At the end of the day they'll be happy for you
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Master January 2015
null · on September 25, 2019 at 3:53 PM
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Why is he acting like your wedding has to "beat" his and your mother's wedding? That's insane, I'm so sorry. As hard as it may be, you and your FH need to have the wedding YOU both want, not anyone else. If he can't be supportive of your wedding plans, he doesn't need to hear about them.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on September 25, 2019 at 4:01 PM
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I would quit talking to your dad about the wedding because unfortunately he doesn't sound very supportive. If he asks questions, I would be very vague. There is really no reason for him to be comparing his wedding to your mom and your wedding. It seems like he is trying to make it some kind of competition which it isn't. Do things the way you want them. I considered eloping due to stress, but I am so thankful I didn't. Do what makes you happy as it is your wedding.
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Super April 2020
Maggie · on September 25, 2019 at 4:01 PM
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Explain to him that you understand he wants you to be happy with your choices and is afraid you’re settling, but to you, it’s about the marriage and this is the wedding you want. I like to add at the end “don’t you want me to be happy?”
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Devoted February 2020
Heather · on September 25, 2019 at 6:36 PM
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I got in an argument with my mom about what chairs to have for the reception last weekend ... there’s something about weddings that makes people crazy. It’s all about trying to juggle peoples opinion but ultimately it’s YOUR day. Try not to let him get to you. I’d let things blow over a bit and only bring up what NEEDS to be discussed with him. If need be bring in your FH as support. That seems to help diffuse any situations with my mom because she doesn’t want to fight about it with my FH lol
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Super October 2020
Renee · on September 25, 2019 at 7:59 PM
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I'm sorry but I laughed at the "peasant food" comment. I'm sorry your dad is upsetting you. Maybe sit down and try to explain that you know he wants to make sure you have the big day he's envisioning but some of his comments are upsetting you and you're planning the wedding that makes you happy
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Dedicated June 2020
Shannon · on September 25, 2019 at 8:07 PM
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I would just let him know prices are very different from when he got married money went alot farther then. I am thinking of doing pulled pork I would love to do steak and all that but it's not anywhere in the budget for that!! I would say I'd love you to be apart of things but I have to stay with in my budget I csnt afford anything else and to me it will be perfect and that's all that matters!! Good luck!
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Expert October 2020
L. Thomson · on September 25, 2019 at 8:11 PM
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Stick to your guns. It's your wedding, not his. He needs to stop comparing it to his wedding. He had his wedding.
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VIP October 2020
Taylor · on September 26, 2019 at 10:06 AM
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You are me. I had this exact argument to a tee. I'm in the doghouse for not getting married in my hometown because it is super expensive and would cause us to go over budget. We live in Texas and my family is from Fredericksburg, which is a tourist trap, so of course everything is much higher cost wise. Instead, I'm having my wedding in College Station, where FH and I went to college. This is centrally located for ALL people and only an hour away from where we live now. We will be paying for 75% of the wedding so it only made sense for us to be close to the venue for planning purposes. It's not CLOSE to anyone (1-3 hours) but that's Texas. My Dad literally asked if they could move it closer to them after I'd already put the deposit down. No. No you cannot. Then I mentioned wanting to do a taco bar at my wedding and got scolded for being tacky. "We won't be doing that." I'm sorry... Didn't know that was your choice. I thought you got married 30 years ago? FH's mom was adamant on having the ceremony in a church. They have a chapel on site at the venue but it's not technically a church. *eye roll* It will be okay. Worshiping in a church doesn't make you any more of a believer than standing in a garage makes you a car. For as much of this as I'm paying for, I will have the last word. #sorrynotsorry You do you! They're your family and they will get over it
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VIP August 2021
Jennifer · on September 26, 2019 at 11:25 AM
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Yeah, do your own thing! You're still getting married in a church for goodness sake, why would it matter what church it is if it is still a church haha? The "peasant food" comment took me aback as well. Pulled pork can definitely be classy for a wedding! Also, steak and seafood are expensive as heck, especially for a wedding.
His visions of what a wedding should be are stuck back in the 1970's and seem really out of touch for today. It seems like he wants to control every aspect of your day, please don't let him!
I agree with PPs, just tell him your ideas are different and don't let him in on the details, only tell him about the things he is directly involved with, like his attire, etc. Good luck!
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