Family Issues

Here it is... Stop talking about your wedding with them. The less they know, the less they can complain about. Is your mom still married to your stepfather?

View Quoted Comment Yes, she is. It's getting difficult to emphasize that I would like for them to be there without him. FH and I have attempted to disclude his parents in the planning and this made them even more upset. It has all been a hassle.

Wait. Are you trying to not include his parents, or include them? It all might be somewhat of a hassle; and sometimes wedding planning can bring out the worst in people! Or at least, it brings out emotions. Take some time away from the planning, and do some fun things to de-stress?

Also, people always say stuff about weddings, and who you invite, and who you don't invite, etc.... Just smile and carry on. Talk about other topics? Don't let it get to you.

First things first, if they (parents) are contributing to your wedding financially then unfortunately they get a say. If not , If you and FH are paying for everything then they are not entitled to any information; just give vague answers for instance... How's planning coming along? Great! everything is falling in place... subject change.

As far as your stepfather, you have to invite him he is your moms significant other and unless she is in agreement that he should not attend you should not separate them. Have you tried talking to her directly about the situation?

You do NOT have to invite a man who abused you, absolutely not. If she wants to stand by him that's on her. Do not have this happy day ruined by him. Stop engaging your mom or that side of the family about him. Hold firm. Regarding the inlaws hold firm on that unless they are paying.
Weddings do bring out the worst in family/parents. I just had a knock out drag out with my mother today over the welcome reception that she wants to turn into my sisters 22nd birthday party. I think not! She wa spaying for the majority of it so I told her it's best to cancel then she cussed me out and hung up on me. Hold your ground!

Hi well my advice would be to keep planning your day. No One else matters on that special day but you guys an the unity of your marriage. If you choose to not invite your stepdad that would be a decision on your behalf because you choose not to be upset or worried. If your family doesn't understand then oh well they will get over it. I say let it happen wether they like it not it's your day,your money, your happiness. Every bride deserves to be selfish on such an important day. Good luck I pray happiness an peace over your marriage.

Absolutely, DO NOT extend an invitation to your step father. I don't see how they think it's okay to stand by him after what he's done to you.
Your FILs, well let them be upset. We can't cater to those types of emotions. It's not their wedding. If they aren't paying for it, they get no say.

Its yalls wedding!!!! No one else. Invite who ever you want. And if ones that are invited dont like it tell them they dont have to come. And good for you for not inviting your step dad. Hope it all turns out beautiful.

View Quoted Comment I disagree, the OP should NOT invite the step father as he has abused her, and her mother stands by him. No way would I stand by anyone that has abused a child.

View Quoted Comment This situation is one of the few exceptions to having to invite a guests SO.
OP should not have to look into the face of her abuser on what's supposed to be such a happy and joyous celebration of love.

It's your day and you invite who you want! I would hope your mom would still come to your wedding regardless but that is not something I would give in on that. No step dad!!

No no no no, you do NOT have to invite your abuser to your wedding!! My grandfather molested my sister and me when we were kids and my grandmother is still married to him. She's invited, he isn't. End of story.

I'm so sorry this is happening OP, I don't have any advice for you except to stay strong!

I agree, you shouldnt invite your step Dad after what he did to you. I can relate to your situation but it was a different relative. I would not feel comfortable being in the same room with this guy, so I understand where you are coming from. You shouldn't have to deal with that sort of discomfort and anxiety on a day that is special for you and your FH. Stand your ground in your decision on this. Also you dont need to explain your reasons to others especially if they dont already know your situation. You have your reasons and that is what counts.

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LisaMarie I am guessing you did not read the whole post. Her step father abused her.

Please no matter what you do during your wedding... do not invite someone who was abusive to you. This is your wedding day and it should be special and not have to be shared with someone like that. Do not back down and anyone who questions it just say that is your choice and move on. I know that is easier said than done but you should not be made to feel uncomfortable like that on your day.

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I agree - and I can't believe people are expecting you to feed and host the man who abused you. If your mom sticks by him - and she might as he could make her life hell - be prepared but do NOT cave. This man has no place in your festive day.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely not! I realize this is wedding etiquette 101 under normal circumstances but under NO circumstances should someone be "required" to invite their abuser. If her mother chooses to stay married to someone who did such awful things to her child that's her choice but OP does not have to invite him to her wedding. Period.

You're not alone. FHs family and I got along great until we got engaged and now it's like they hate us. Nothing we do is right or good enough so I'm just keeping to myself, being a shoulder for FH, and we're doing our best to not let it kill our vibe. My feelings were hurt but my heart mostly just breaks for him. At the end of the day, we can't control how people react or how they treat us, we can only control how we respond. I'm hopeful this will all turn around for good eventually.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much for this advice. I will definitely take some time to de-stress, and focus on seeing beyond it

View Quoted Comment Yes, I have tried to talk to her, however she is and has been avoiding me for months. I understand it's usual formality to invite spouses, however I don't believe I can handle that. Any ideas instead of how to emphasize respectfully that he is not to attend?

Thank you all so much for the support and such positive advice! It really does make me feel better and more confident in my decisions when planning all of this, hopefully it turns out well!