Family Issue

If your budget is very limited, I would absolutely choose close friends over family you're not as close with. You can also choose a cut-off point for family, for example, decide to invite first cousins but not second+ cousins.

I don’t understand why this is an issue or why it confuses/upsets people. Many people are closer to their friends for a multitude of reasons and are considered “found family”. If you are not close to any or all of your relatives, that’s life. It’s not because you are a bad person or anyone is to blame. Your guests are happy to be invited and don’t care one way or the other what they ratio of guests is.


I have a ton of relatives but I’m not close to everyone for reasons. There’s no bad blood between anyone but they don’t spend time together. I’m much closer to friends who I consider to be family. Fiancé is similar. Our friends we have discussed this with don’t see any reason to make it into a big deal because no one cares.

If you want to get together with relatives on a separate occasion, it costs nothing to arrange a family reunion picnic at a local park. You are not responsible for hosting everyone.

I have the exact same situation! My mom is one of 13 children. And each of them had 2-5 kids… who in turn have had multiple kids. If I were to invite just aunts/uncles and first cousins, it would be over 120 just on my mom’s side! Then you add in my dad’s side of the family, plus FH’s family, plus our friends… and we were looking at a 300+ person guest list. Not only is that obnoxious, and incredibly expensive, it’s NOT the kind of wedding FH and I dreamed of (we both really want a small, intimate affair). So we have decided the only family we will invite are parents and siblings, and the rest of the guests will be our closest friends.

Also, we don’t agree with the idea of “circles” that is commonly suggested as how to decide who to invite. Because maybe you have no relationship with parents’ siblings but you are closer to your extended relatives. That “circles” logic says those aunts/ uncles you have no relationship with have priority over the extended relatives you do want there. Toss those “guidelines” out the window that have no basis in etiquette and do what works for you and who you want to attend.

View Quoted Comment Very true! Thank you for your insight! I have too many feelings sometimes and shouldn’t haha. It’s one day, they will get over it

View Quoted Comment That’s a good idea! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Holy moly, CeCe! That’s a lot for sure and way too big. Thank you for your insight!

View Quoted Comment I totally agree! Can I ask why someone with this POV would be okay with an invitee policy that says ALL children of adult guests must be invited or none?

View Quoted Comment When you pick and choose which kids under 18 are invited, other guests get offended because they had to find childcare while someone else gets to bring their children but no one will never say anything to the couple. Factor in the hurt that the kids experience with the unspoken message that they aren’t “good enough” to be included and that affects their relationships moving forward. In general, babies are much more unpredictable than older children but they are under the umbrella of “babies can and should be invited because they aren’t a problem but older children are so they need to stay home” which makes little to no sense. At the same time, why would you invite an adult relative you have no relationship with “because they are family” to please someone else? If that is the case, the couple may as well just hand over all planning decisions to someone else and arrive as guests. If the couple’s parents want to get together with those relatives, that is what a family reunion picnic is for that can easily be organized for another time and venue. And the wedding is generally not a family reunion type event except in cases where it is the tradition of the family to do so. In some families, if you don’t everyone including children you will be blacklisted from future family events because you were so selective.

We had a 50 person wedding (invite list was 80, originally). The only family we invited were grandparents, parents, siblings (+ spouses and children, of course), and aunts/uncles. All of the others were friends. I have a lot of cousins too and, while I was upset about not being able to invite one or two of them, it was the right call to cut it off there. There are so many of them that it would have actually doubled the guest list to include them all. It has to be everyone or no one when it comes to tiers of your family tree. My family and my husband's all understood but it also helped that we were livestreaming our wedding ceremony so they still had the option to participate virtually. I highly recommend Lovecast, which is what we used since it was both free and easy to use. My family overseas also tuned in with no problems.


Good luck! Family can be hard sometimes. ❤️

Wow, I’m surprised you’re still in touch with all those family members! I think my great grandmother had a bunch of children. But my mom didn’t really grow up close to all of those family members and I certainly have not either (barely know any of them). I have a small family- my parents and two uncles. And a couple family friends. I definitely have more friends than family. Just invite your closest family members and friends!

View Quoted Comment That’s what I’m thinking about doing! I’m not super close but we all stay in touch on Facebook and we try to get together once and awhile!

View Quoted Comment Oh wow! Well that is nice that you have a tight-nit family!

The pandemic will help you here. I am getting married cross country from where the majority of my family is located along with not particular thrilled about inviting certain people we came up with a bit of a solution that my mother didnt think would offend too many people and a way to make it seem like the announcement wasnt a gift grab. Im going with wedding announcements that look like our invites but with no location information and adding a statement :

We wish everyone could be be part of our special day, but due to the unpredictability of COVID and the health status of the bride and members of the bridal party, we will be having a smaller wedding than what we had hoped for. If things continue to improve we will be having a calibration of family in the spring or summer of 2023 at (home state) and we hope everyone will be able to join us then.

As a we make the journey to a married couple, we realize we have everything we need. If you wish to help us mark this occasion with a gift ,we would ask that you make a donation to our local food bank or to a women's shelter of your choosing.