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Just Said Yes June 2022

Family Inviting Extra Guests

Me, on October 20, 2021 at 11:04 PM Posted in Planning 0 4
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Hello!


My fiancé and I are getting married at a space that can hold up to 300 guests. We do not plan on having that many guests as we only had around 140 in our initial list.
We’re about to send out save the dates and my mom has about 20 extra people she wants to invite. These are all cousins of hers, co workers, old friends, basically people I have never met or haven’t seen in over 20 years. My sister (MOH) feels she is entitled to invite her best friend and her best friend’s mother and father to my wedding as well (she apparently has verbally invited them). Again, I am not close with these people either.
I feel bad because my parents are paying for the venue expenses (food/drink) but my fiancé and I are paying for the other vendors (dj, florist, photographer, videographer, officiant etc…). I have high anxiety over this because I hate being the center of attention and would LOVE to keep the guest list as low as possible. I also think a wedding is a special day that is to be spent with people who mean a lot to me and my fiancé (not spent with random people who I barely know). Am I over reacting about wanting to tell them they have a limit of people they can invite?

4 Comments

  • C
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    You’re not overreacting. If you have never met them or haven’t seen them in 10+ years you 100% do not owe an invite. Set that boundary and if you’re flexible with the remainder, let her invite those.
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  • Jasmine S.
    VIP May 2022
    Jasmine S. ·
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    Your budget is like mine -- parents paying for venue and food but couple paying for other vendors. Even if they're contributing I think it's totally reasonable to set a cut-off, like no one you haven't met, or if you haven't seen them in over 2 years. Don't be afraid to express your feelings if it makes you uncomfortable to have that many strangers there (because that's what they are to the couple, strangers).
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  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
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    I'm not sure why you would accept to invite the sister's bestie and her parents. The fact she verbally invited them doesn't mean you have to. Just say 'no' , if the 3 get upset, this will be the sister's issue, not yours.

    Your sister will have to deal with it since it's HER fault.

    The same goes about mom's cousins. The fact she's paying for the venue and catering doesn't mean she has the full reigns, especially by inviting people you've never met. Set some strong boundaries, or they may feel entitled to roll over you whenever they want if you don't shut this madness mess NOW .

    They should only invite people you know and don't dislike, no matter the % they are paying. Otherwise this is as much mom's gathering as your wedding...

    You can still warn your DOC and venue about the issue, you can hire security guards if your venue doesn't come with them, so people who are NOT on your list won't be allowed to enter.

    We are doing this since we're hosting a kid-free wedding and some guests want to bring an adult plus one , even though we made it clear that we're only accommodating our guests' spouses,fiancé(e)s,boy(girl)friends but not friends or other randoms we don't (or barely) know.

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  • N
    Expert June 2021
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    Definitely not okay for them to do. Set your boundaries and make it clear they are not on the guest list. If they choose to still make these people feel like they are invited they will be embarrassed when there isn’t a table, place card or meal for them and it will not be on you.
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