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Just Said Yes April 2020

Family Invite Drama

Kim, on June 29, 2019 at 10:42 PM Posted in Planning 0 7

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Some of my family members have not been very nice to my fiance and don't seem to like him very much. It's mostly due to his race and personality differences. They have not been outright horrible to him but just some snide remarks and are cold enough towards him that it makes us both uncomfortable. I feel so uneasy at the thought of having them at our wedding, disapproving of him and just generally not being happy for us. I don't want to invite them (well at least a few of the worst culprits) but I know it will cause irreparable damage to my relationship with my family. I don't know what to do. If I don't invite the few that I don't want there, the whole family will likely boycott the wedding and stay mad at me. Has anyone else dealt with a situation like this and had a good outcome?

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Becca, on July 1, 2019 at 6:00 AM

Super October 2019
Misty · on June 29, 2019 at 11:50 PM
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Girl. This is your life, your love... and just one of many days that you must be true to yourself and uplifting/respectful of your relationship... do what you feel in your heart with grace of course.... and anyone who wants to complain... make further snide comments... can be welcomed to do so... to you. At which point you can respond with.... the top of this paragraph. Don't feel pressured into making people happy who can not treat your human with enough respect to be "ok" let alone be joyful in your union.
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Beginner July 2020
April · on June 30, 2019 at 1:07 AM
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Have you thought about eloping instead to avoid the drama or is your heart set on a regular wedding
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Expert June 2019
MrsJohansson · on June 30, 2019 at 4:27 AM
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I agree with Misty and April. If you don't deal with this situation appropriately, your partner may resent you later. I'd strongly recommend eloping that way you both can do what you want without racist people and drama interfering. I wouldn't have a typical wedding in this kind of climate.. it only serves to stress you both out.
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Expert June 2021
Shannon · on June 30, 2019 at 6:06 AM
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I don't envy you. Adam and I had a rocky start to our relationship and our families chose to see what they wanted to see on both ends. To add to that, my parents blame him for my divorce (which he had no part of). We have worked very hard on our relationship and 6 years in, we're reading to get married (in 2 years). We are keeping our wedding very small. We're not close with our siblings and we're not even sure our parents will show up. That is fine with us. We'll be over 40 by the time we're married. We'll have our close friends to support us. We're going to do what we want how we want.
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Super July 2020
D · on June 30, 2019 at 7:35 AM
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I'm sorry this a bad situation. Does everyone know of your engagement? Don't be shamed into eloping if you want a bigger wedding. Marrying him seems like it will cause a small rift in the family so you might as well have the wedding you want with the people you want. They are choosing to not be included because of their remarks and behavior. Talk to your FH and see what he wants.
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Super September 2019
Denise · on June 30, 2019 at 7:39 AM
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I didn't invite my brother and I almost didn't invite my grandmother because of personal drama. Had nothing to do with FH. If it had? It wouldn't be a question. It is your day. You should only invite people that are going to make it special, that you really want there. Nobody who will spoil it.
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Expert July 2019
Becca · on July 1, 2019 at 6:00 AM
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Invite them... if they REALLY don't like him, they won't come anyway and it puts it on them not you.
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