Family has zapped all the excitement out of my wedding.

It sounds like you would be happier to elope, but how does your future spouse feel? At this point, I would look at how much you have spent so far (deposits, etc.) vs. how much you still need to spend if you go through with it. Check your contracts to see if you can cancel, and then decide together if it's worth it to pull the plug now or carry on with your original plans. Based on everything you have written, it sounds like sacrificing some deposits (as long as your contracts allow you to cancel with no penalties) would be worth it.

As for the toxic people in your life, I genuinely hope you can establish some boundaries to protect yourself. Good luck!

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I don't want my family to feel like they've won in ruining my day and my fiancé would support whatever I chose but we're already doing a small wedding, I don't think eloping is a realistic option for us right now. We've already changed the date and been flaky I don't want to change more, maybe spending the day with my chosen "family" will be good I just hope that this depression fog will go away.

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OK. I am sorry that I misinterpreted your post to read that you wanted to elope. Definitely stick with your plans if you are content with them. I hope you can find a way to block the people who are hurting you from your life and spend more time with the people who bring you joy.

Ugh such a bummer - I'm sorry to hear you are going through this! Family can be so tough and suck the fun out of things! But, try and remember why you are getting married - maybe you and your future husband need to get away for a weekend and just focus on the two of you - without any wedding planning/talk or family talk - just the two of you! This may help get you feeling happy again!

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Thanks, not a bad idea

Hey Megan, now that I'm finally a bride to be, i really see how others always seem to make it about them and forget that it's about the bride and groom and congratulating you and celebrating with you.


Megan congratulations on your engagement. It's a wonderful feeling to say yes to the man you love and anticipate a future together. This season of wedding prep will soon be gone but I'm sure there are certain things you've always looked forward too. If possible, find lil things about wedding prep that will bring you joy. Besides the stressful parts, there are lovely forums like this one where we see others and their ups and downs to feel part of a community. I've seen some bridal boxes on YouTube that might be a nice and exciting thing to open up and be just for you. If not bridal then any other self care box. Maybe do the cliche things, a spa day with a friend, matching PJs with finance, photo album of your time with him thus far, those ones that you can make into an actual book seems cool. Just to bring back the cheer and make this season more memorable and personal to you both. I also enjoy reading funny wedding themed books. I can recommend You Deserve Eachother by Sarah Hogle.
I hope that something in what i said helped. Wishing you the best. Stay hopeful, it will get better.

You need to set and maintain boundaries with your family with consequences. If they are toxic, you cut them off permanently for your mental health. Life is too short to allow other people to make you miserable.


Take a break from planning. Work on yourself and your relationship with fiancé. Make a list of people you want to be in attendance who make you happy. Do not invite anyone out of obligation including controlling mom and aunt.

My initial thoughts.

You can still elope. If planning the wedding is entirely stressful and you don't think the day will bring you joy, screw it and just elope, either just you and your fiance, or with a small group of loved ones.

If you are paying entirely for your wedding, invite who you want to invite. If mom and aunt are toxic, I'd leave them out and invite your dear grandpa instead. I know that's easier said than acted on but there is no reason to include people in your special day that are only going to make you feel worse.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

We had a very small wedding (47 guests attended). We invited 90, but originally planned to invite 80 and land at around 60. Many of the people I wanted there did not attend, but even with a smaller event it kinda felt overwhelming at times and I feel like I spent more time "hosting" than enjoying my own wedding. It was beautiful, and it would be hard to pick anything we could have changed that day to make it better, but it's still just a lot. Weddings are a lot. I would not hesitate to recommend doing something super small or eloping if that feels like a better fit for you!

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I totally agree with what Kari said! Maybe elope with just your beloved future spouse & your Grandpa! Don't tell anyone (especially the toxic ones).... Ask Grandpa for a "special/fancy" lunch & go get married on the way. I have seen some amazing courthouse wedding pictures so maybe include a photographer. At the end of the day you NEED to really do what is going to make you both (as a couple happy) ~ Life is too short to live with regrets ~ and Grandpa's don't live forever ~ personally I can't think of anything that would make my day more special than to have that memory to live with for all the tomorrows you will be living after he passes. (none of my parents or grandparents will be at my wedding this week ~ his parents will be there thankfully)

Sending good vibes your way! At the end of the day you are marrying your best friend & the love of your life ~ the two of you are the only ones who matter when you are planning YOUR day.

View Quoted Comment I feel like my post wasn't clear. We already put down too many deposits to elope now. My grandpa is not even an option to "come with us" as I mentioned he will not come to my wedding without permission from my mom which isn't happening. Was more hoping for reassurance that the depression fog will fade and I'll be excited about getting married closer to the day. Running away and eloping at this point isn't a realistic option. Does no one else never sit there and just day dream wish they eloped?

I think people "get it", they are just trying to support you in this fog (such a good description, btw) and validate your wishes. I also think they are also trying to help you balance the cost of what you have and what you wish for. They are just offering you the hope they can.

I feel there is a lot more to the family than you care to elaborate of (that's absolutely fine, too).

You don't sound just depressed, to me. Part of you is broken-hearted. And I truly and honestly hope you find healing.

I honestly don't know if it will fade and you will be excited about the wedding again. It sounds like you have had a ton of heavy loads weigh you down these past few days.

What are you looking forward to at your wedding? What plans make you smile? I personally found some of the ideas REALLY good! But so did you.

You are adding a family member who thinks the world of you!

Take time to focus on that!