Family Guilt about Guests

We allowed our parents to invite their friends, but they offered to pay for them and my parents were already contributing a significant amount to our wedding and my husband’s parents were paying for a very lavish rehearsal/welcome dinner.


If they are offering to pay for the extra guests, would you even have room in the guest list for these extra invites? Or will it mean you have to cut down your guest list? Do you have a rocky past with these certain family members.
We in particular didn’t have to worry about cutting down our guest list to accommodate our parents’ additional guests, but if we did, we probably wouldn’t have allowed them to invite everyone they wanted to.
I think at the end of the day, we knew how important this wedding was for our parents as well (I’m the first daughter to get married on my side and he’s the first to actually have a big wedding on his side... most of his cousins had eloped I believe). The way we looked at it, these extra guests being there isn’t going to hurt us or ruin our day (but we’re in the mindset of “the more, the merrier!”) so we wanted our parents to be able to enjoy the special day with the people they love as well.
However, if they’re not willing to cover all the extra costs of these guests or if it means you have to cut your guest list down to accommodate them or if these are people whose presence who will ruin your day— kindly explain it to your parents and stand your ground.

Like you, we are having a small intimate wedding for immediate family and very close friends. We are not inviting extended family with which we have had little to no contact with in years.


My FH is one of 4 boys and I’m an only child. So it goes without seating he invites his brothers and SILs. He’s inviting 1 female cousin who is like a sister, but is not inviting her siblings. We do not feel guilty about it and told his mother that we were only making an exception for the cousin because of her relationship with the family.
It’s your wedding and you and your FH should have who you want, end of story

I simply reminded my mom that this is our wedding (a very intimate ceremony that should be kept strictly to those closest to us)... not a family reunion, where you invite every family member ever. She was like, “yeah, that makes sense. I never thought of it like that. Weddings HAVE become like family reunions”. And we haven’t had an issue ever since

My grandparents tried to do this. I told them, if you call and say "my granddaughter is getting married" and they say "who is that", they will not be invited. I did not want to walk around my wedding and say "hi such and such this is my husband and I have no idea who who you are".

That was not going to happen.

I got over it pretty easily by saying No, I Want A Small Wedding With People I'm Close To. FMIL is being manipulative. She's already admitting that her financial contribution will have strings attached. I'd say Thanks, But No Thanks and invite who you want. If you accept her help and give in to her demands, who knows what the next string will be.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I told my fiancé not to take a dime from his parents if any conditions are attached like that- because I didn’t appreciate it.

You just have to stand firm behind your decision to keep it to close family and friends. This is your day, your only shot at the wedding you want, so don't cave in to family guilt!!! You have nothing to feel bad about. You're planning the wedding you and FH want. Period. End of discussion. This is not FMILs wedding. If she wants to get together with all of that extended family, suggest she plan a family reunion, and she can invite them all to that.

Next time FMIL tries to go there in conversation, cut it off. Say, sorry we've already made that decision, and will not be revisiting it. Also, the less details you share with FMIL (or anyone), the less she/they have to complain about. If you don't shut down her meddling now, she'll continue this through the entire time you are planning. Make sure FH is with you, and backing you up 100%. Also, since this is his mother we're talking about, he should really be the one to deal with her, and tell her to back off when she's overstepping. Hopefully she'll get the message early on, and stop bugging.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree. He stood firm with her but I think she assumes we will change our mind. Not happening.

You've gotten a lot of solid advice from previous comments but the bottom line is ....this is YOUR wedding, it's up to you and your fiance because it's Y'ALL'S day.

Nope. No pay, no say. Plus it seems way rude to invite you haven’t talked to in years. Seems “gift grabby” and not authentic. You can tell your parents that.