Family Frustration

No one from my immediate family will be at my wedding. My 2 best friends will be. We’re having a very small wedding and I’ve never been really close with my family.

Best of luck. I hope the situation changes for you

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Thanks! me too! But if it doesn't it's their loss i guess

I'm not close with my immediate family either so none of them were at my wedding. I did not miss them.

We were seriously considering eloping 8 months before our wedding. Family can be hurtful and very disappointing. We dealt with quite a few issues the weeks leading up to our wedding, too. Even the day before had some rude things happen. I had a lot of work to do on realizing that's "their crap, their attitude, theyre the rude ones", and lots of Petty Betty plans, and wine to get over it. The day of I just pushed all that behind me, and decided to enjoy the day as best I could. Hope you can do the same. Set boundaries for your own well being.

Wow sounds like an African family😅 and the respondses im shocked😱. however, on a serious note i am in the same delima so i feel you MrsR314. I cant talk to my parents ever since i got engaged it has always been a struggle😬 my FH mother is more welcoming than mines😒 I can talk to her about my concerns and how our day and time we plan on doing it should go than my parents. My parents dont talk to me directly but talk to my sis and she tells me the whole ordeal. Found out they want us to prospone the wedding till we have this and have that🤔 and Im not having it. FH and I need to start building our lives and waiting to spend a fortune to do a grand wedding to please people who will not be bebind close doors in our marriage is a NO NO for me. since no one is helping us pay for anything, no one has the right to an opinion for our wedding so we doing it the way we want. I feel like i said too much already😁 but honey keep calm and do what pleases you and Yours. Everyone else is second party because when two becomes one, no one can put assunder! Amen🙌

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Thanks all! Just kind stinks when you wanted them to be happy for you but they keep screwing you over in other ways making it really hard to ever want them in your life. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing I'm not alone in this

I've recently had a falling out it with my mom and sister. They both said very hurtful things to my son and me. My mom told my son that I deserve better. They both have also criticized me for having a large (100 guests) 2nd wedding. It's my FH's first marriage. I'm not sure if I even want to invite them to the wedding and if I do, they probably won't come anyway.
The best you can do is ignore them and plan the wedding you want to have.

My parents are currently going through a divorce, so that’s really puttinga wrench in the joy of wedding planning... and my dad’s behavior has confirmed my decision that he will not walk me down the aisle. And my mom’s sisters (my aunts) have been distant for years since their brother died, so who knows if they will even come. It’s so bizarre and not at all what I pictured. I’ve considered ditching the guest list, wearing the dress, having the ceremony with photographer, and a super intimate dinner... it would be so much simpler, less expensive, etc. but for now plans are moving forward. I feel for you!!

Based off what you said I feel as if I'm going through something similar with my suppose to be love ones as well. It's like no one is genuinely happy for me period and I'm the first to make it to an engagement and soon to be marriage outta of the immediate bunch I spoke with my mom last night and she is super excited for our wedding unlike I thought at first but my so call best friend and sister haven't even congratulated me/us yet and we've been engaged 1 full year come February 1, of this year our wedding if the Lord wills will take place September 22, of this year and I told myself I'm not going to allow anyone to take my joy away because it's me and not them and they don't know how to allow themselves to be excited for me but ho crazy over others how I see it I just know what it is and ain't and if it isn't benefiting them than I'm no use to them I'm assuming so I just told myself I'll give them a 3 month trial period leading to the wedding to see maybe if things change around if not they're still welcomed to be bm but damn sure not my moh's cause what exactly would I be or have to honor them for a wedding is stressful and time consuming enough on its own so since no one shares or even gives me an ounce of hope or boost of confidence when I seek advice on different things than I'll attend to and focus on the ones that do and rearrange things because family and friends are just a title if the love isn't real and I wouldn't care one way or the other if whomever came or not because it's about us and our union and bliss I wanna give nothing but love on that day and I want the same in return or how else would it work so I just refocused my energy and time elsewhere where it's appreciated and not just tolerated. Sorry it's so long lolz hope it helps.

I get where you’re coming from. I’ve got a lot of been there done that elders in my life (step parents/uncle/,etc.) so they’re all negative Nelly’s. It gets harder too when there’s no support from the ones you need it from the most. Just remember it’s ONE DAY. After that then what? These arguments and issues become petty and all for one day. Yes a lot of money being spent is an understatement. It’s a big deal because money wasted bothers everyone.

Stop talking about the wedding if it causes arguments and if it’s not the wedding and other things then put those on the side when it’s wedding planning time.

My FH doesnt speak to his sister and just started occasionally speaking to his mother again on Christmas (thanks to me and his kids pushing him to move past things she has done). My father and I just started rebuilding a relationship about 8 years ago and he actually helped pay the deposit on our venue but because my mother will be there he won't make the trip to Maine from NJ for the wedding. He did tell me that to my face when we saw him in December so even though it hurts I'm going to just accept it. My siblings won't be there because I haven't spoken to any of them in years and my mother and step father have voiced that they aren't happy about where we are having the wedding because they don't want to make the drive and won't stay at a hotel even if I pay for it. My mother also thinks that us having a wedding, even though it's very small, is stupid since we are older and this is a second marriage for us both. My 1st wedding had to be thrown with 3 days notice because I got last minute orders to deploy and was given a week when we had just sent out or invites for the bigger wedding we had been planning so I really want to do this the way I've always envisioned. I also gave my family in NJ a heads up on the date early because they all have crazy schedules and would have to make a lot of arrangements (we didnt do STD's). All but one of my cousins (who now lives twice as far in Florida) have been jerks about it and made me not even want to invite them. Either talk to them about it or ignore it but if they're going to ruin your day I'd def try to fix it or uninvite them. Family has a way of making people crazy when it comes to big events.

A couple of things...I am not sure about the entire dynamics so please don't be upset if this comment misses the mark. Could it be a little bit of everyones lives being crazy, hectic, and then add in some negative nelly, so when you talk about the wedding its not like they really aren't happy they are just overwhelmed with their lives. I don't know if that its or not and only you do. If its not that then stop sharing anything about the wedding. (I know its so difficult) On the day of if they show (most parents will) its great, if they don't its great too. The only thing that matters on the day of is you and your spouse. Its the day that both of you will become one in the maker that you both wanted. Celebrate, make memories, and make the day about the two of you. If people are unhappy, let them be as they have to deal with their attitudes, negativity, hatefulness

FH and I were in a very similar situation. We had gone back and forth on cancelling the whole thing and eloping for a while. Last week we called our parents and told them the wedding was cancelled, and that we would maybe do a small ceremony and dinner for just our parents and sibling somewhere down the line but we were just so over everything right now. FILs who aren't paying for anything had pushed too far with their demands even after we had started refusing to discuss the wedding with anyone. My mom made me realize that minus a couple of compromises I made with them we were still having the wedding we planned and asked us to take the weekend to rethink what we were doing. And she was right I felt so disconnected from my wedding because of how they had treated us but when I looked at things again I saw that nothing too major about our plans had changed. I feel a lot better and am starting to look forward to the wedding again. It can be so frustrating but stop discussing wedding details with them and don't allow them to take away the celebration that you want to have.

I am sorry you are dealing with that but I am almost jealous because I would prefer to elope but my Fiance and both our families want the wedding. Hope things get easier.

If you are paying for everything, it is all your choice. Have what you want and don't let anyone purposefully going out of their way to hurt you attend.

I've heard many times that weddings bring out the worst in people. Before planning my own wedding, I heard of so much drama that goes on in families because of weddings. I thought to myself that will never be me since my family is so chill. I was wrong. Our families were not involved in our wedding at all until the last minute. But, now I know this is surprisingly very normal. Also, of all people, the person that created the most drama was actually my normally super chill dad. I think at least with my family, they did not actually believe we were planning a wedding (I know sounds weird hah) until they got an invitation. After that, they got pretty nervous and that's when drama started to happen. But, at the end, our wedding went great, and I did not regret it at all.

Weddings do bring out all the emotions, even in "stable" families. Emotions are running high, and people feel under pressure. So if there are already difficulties in the family, they can get accentuated, especially as the wedding gets closer.

Most of the time, people end up sucking it up and behaving well on the day of the wedding, for the couple's sake. I hope that this will be the situation for the OP.

Unfortunately the problems with our families are non wedding related. They are former issues for 10 plus years ago that are just surfacing now. We never speak about our wedding to any of them anyway. Hopefully they just behave if we decide to have them at our wedding. But if things continue as they do I think they won’t even show from sheer pettiness. But that’s ok with us. We know if they truly cared about us they’d stop doing all this stuff and move on but I don’t think that’s gunna happen but wishful thinking everyone dreams of having a 100% supportive and “normal” family but not everyone get it haha

My sister will not be there. She hasn't spoken to my parents in roughly 18 years and won't ever be in the same room as them. She claims she isn't coming because she can't find someone to watch her son. The wedding is more than 9 months away...and she can bring her son. I let it go when she spewed out that excuse. I personally don't want my parents to come. My mom makes me stressed out just by her sheer presence. She wants to take me dress shopping and I'd rather go naked down the isle than go dress shopping with her. She'll tell me everything looks terrible because I got soooooooooo fat. Granted I am quite fat but we are working on losing weight and there's a dress out there to flatter any size. She's always talking down about people and being negative and even threatened my FH with the typical don't hurt my daughter or I'll kill you. It wasn't funny the way she said it. She brought my ex into the same sentence. Who does that. Ok long story over I was really close to saying f it let's elope but we both really want a fun magical day since our first weddings were both crappy and to the wrong people.