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Lauren
Just Said Yes March 2022

Family From Two Different States... Help!

Lauren, on September 1, 2020 at 4:13 PM Posted in Planning 0 13
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All of my friends & family are from California and all his friends & family are from Oklahoma... its a 24 hr drive.

I am currently finishing up my last year of college at Oklahoma State and we plan to have the wedding spring of 2022. We may or may not be living in Oklahoma after I graduate.

Should we pick a state to have it in Oklahoma or California or should we have it somewhere in the middle?

2 weddings? 2 parties?

HELP...

13 Comments

Latest activity by Jeanette, on September 2, 2020 at 8:48 AM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    So i've seen this done both ways:

    friend A chose to just get married in florida where his wife's family is

    friend B chose to have two weddings in washington and california where each family is

    personally, i think i would have it where more of my guest list is at OR where ever it is cheaper to have the wedding aha

    • Reply
  • Hanna
    Super June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    It's your call, but that's what airplanes are for! Have your wedding where you want it, and your family will come to you. We had our wedding in the city where we currently live. My family lives on the other side of the country and they flew in. I did have some declines from a few extended family members, but everyone who really wanted to be there came.

    • Reply
  • Jana
    Rockstar October 2022
    Jana ·
    • Flag
    People travel cross country for weddings everyday with zero issues in doing so. Pick a venue where you currently live with your fiance and have them travel to you. One wedding, one expense.
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta Online ·
    • Flag
    We had this same situation! I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to have the wedding in my current state, where my fiancé‘s friends and family are, or my home state where my family is, or St. Louis where I had lived for the past 15 years and all my friends are. Ultimately, we decided that since some people we’re going to have to travel, we might as well have it somewhere cool and just have everyone travel. Which is how we ended up with a destination wedding. It was definitely the most fair and most fun option for us!
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    Personally, I'd give a lot of consideration to where the largest numbers of potential guests are (and if there are any VIPs for whom travel would be incredibly difficult). We have a family member who had her wedding on the other side of the country from 85% of the guests, in a location that doesn't have direct flights from So Cal, resulting in long layovers and connections dependent on small regional carriers. At various times she bragged about what a "deal" it was to have her wedding there. However, three years later I still don't think it's ever crossed her mind that the 40+ something guests who had to travel from CA likely spent an estimated total of at least $85,000 on flights and hotels to attend her bargain wedding (at a quaint Inn in the Finger Lakes, during foliage season and coinciding with Parents Weekend at the local major university...). I'd try to take into consideration things like easy airport access/availability of direct flights/variety of available accommodates/etc. On this forum, people often claim that "people who love you will be there," but I think that can be very misleading (especially in a pandemic...). People who love you will likely always be there in spirit, but being there physically may be influenced by cost, travel time, ability to take time off, health & safety, etc.

    • Reply
  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
    • Flag
    My FH is from Indiana, I’m from New York. We live in NC and decided to have our wedding in a neutral location because almost everyone would have to travel no matter here we have it.


    If it’s going to be a long weekend for everyone, I’d choose a location that’s economical (unless they can afford) for guests to want to stay a weekend.
    • Reply
  • Molly
    Rockstar September 2020
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    I would either have it somewhere in the middle or in which ever state more guests would be coming from.

    • Reply
  • Mindy
    Super November 2020
    Mindy ·
    • Flag
    We live in coastal Virginia. Most of our relatives are in western pa but I have family in Connecticut and my dad lives in Tennessee.
    We’re just getting married close to where we live. But in comparison it’s only 7ish hours for people to get here.
    • Reply
  • Cora
    Beginner October 2021
    Cora ·
    • Flag
    Hey! I understand the stress. My fiancé is from Michigan, I’m from New Jersey (with my immediate family now in Virginia), but my fiancé and I live in Arkansas. We are having the wedding in Arkansas so most people will need to travel. However, my fiancé’s family is very, very large and not everyone will be able to travel (plus the wedding would enormous and very expensive), so we are having a second celebration the weekend after at his parent’s house for his family that can’t travel
    • Reply
  • Jeni
    Devoted July 2021
    Jeni ·
    • Flag
    Pick the state where it's the best for you to plan. If yoy feel like you need to talk to vendors in person, see the venues, touch the linens and flowers, and taste the food, then you should pick where you live. If that doesn't matter to you and you're comfortable with phone and email decisions, go with whichever is better for your VIP guests (such as immediate family) and/or cheaper.


    We live in one state near his family and friends, I grew up in another state where my friends and extended family are, my immediate family live in yet another state, and all of my college friends are in a fourth state. 🤪 Of course none of these states are near each other! We ended up choosing the state where I grew up. It was the second cheapest of the four, and since I have more older family members than he has, we chose the location where they wouldn't have to travel. It's a very personal decision for couples in this situation, so list your pros and cons, and go from there!
    • Reply
  • T
    Dedicated February 2022
    Tiante ·
    • Flag
    Don’t do in the middle, may seem more reasonable but honestly all you’re doing is doubling the amount of people who’d need to rent hotels & stuff. We live in SC he has a bunch of family here. His friends & my friends & family are from NY. We’re doing it in SC (12 hr drive)
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I too think place with most guests & family (hopefully that’s the cheaper location!). I would consider hosting a reception (can be casual, cake & punch only) in the other location for guests who can’t travel.
    • Reply
  • Jeanette
    Expert July 2021
    Jeanette ·
    • Flag
    I would consider who is maybe too elderly to get on a plane. Assuming that you have to pay for the entirety of the wedding, you gotta choose one.
    Our situation is that we work in Germany, but I'm American and he's Chinese. We definitely wanted the weddings by our families and therefore grandparents, but couldn't compromise on one location due to their inability to fly, also culturally it would be more fun to experience both in their entirety. So his family offered to help with the Chinese wedding. We just have to plan the American one which is also first and the legal marriage.
    Good luck! I hope it works out well for you.
    • Reply

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