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Just Said Yes November 2021

Family forcing Cousins kids into wedding party...

Tiffany, on March 5, 2021 at 1:30 AM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 17
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Hi everyone, I'm getting married in November and have my wedding party all set but my grandmother is trying to guilt me into adding my cousins kids(5 of them) into the wedding party. She's saying that since it's going to be her last wedding that she wants all her great grandkids in it, and I get that...but at the same time I've only met these kids a hand full of times and that was when they were younger, so they don't even know who I am. I don't know what to do, I don't want to start a whole argument but it's my wedding and I want people in it that I am close to, I already have my three nieces in it. I don't know what to do and I feel like I have no choice but to include them just to get her to leave me alone about it. She keeps asking saying that no one will come if I don't do it...I don't know what to do anymore.

17 Comments

Latest activity by Fred, on March 7, 2021 at 11:27 AM
  • Caprice
    Savvy May 2021
    Caprice ·
    • Flag

    What part of the wedding party would they be?

    Perhaps they can help people to their seats?

    Or maybe just attend, or just come to the reception, as an alternate option? It sounds like your grandma just wants to have memories with them, so maybe if you're open to having them just attend she'll be satisfied?

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  • T
    Just Said Yes November 2021
    Tiffany ·
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    Well they're already coming to the wedding ceremony and reception, they're between 2 and 6 years old so they can't really help with bringing people to their seats. She wants them to all be flower girls/ring barers...she specifically wants them in the wedding procession.
    • Reply
  • Caprice
    Savvy May 2021
    Caprice ·
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    Hmm.. yes that's tough. Maybe they could just walk down together before the flower girls? So they'd "be in it" but not really have any duties, and wouldn't take up too much walk time?

    Otherwise they wouldn't really be adding to your wedding much anyway so it's kind of pointless for her to force them in there!

    Could you tell your grandma that you don't have anymore time within the wedding party walk to add extra people? She might be upset but it is your day and you should only have the people in your wedding party that you really want.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    If you don't want them in the wedding then it sounds like you are just going to have put your foot down and say no. I think she's just trying to guilt you into believing no one will attend if you don't do what she wants.
    • Reply
  • Katie
    Rockstar August 2020
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    Hi Tiffany! That’s tough because we all love our grandparents and want to respect their wishes certainly, but you are having your nieces only which is totally understandable. An idea is to have the photographer get a photo of all the kiddos and grandma together after the ceremony. Off the top of my head, perhaps say “Grandma, I love your idea of wanting a special moment with the grandchildren so we decided to have the photographer capture a photo of you all. Once the photos come in, I would be happy to give you a large print in a frame for you to keep.” Although this answer doesn’t directly say no, but perhaps this will satisfy Grandma to drop the subject 🤞🏻😉❤️
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  • Tory
    Devoted May 2022
    Tory ·
    • Flag
    Why would they not come just because they’re not involved in the wedding party? That’s selfish. I feel like you shouldn’t include them just because you barely know them and ultimately it’s not what you want. Maybe try to include the kids some other way? I liked the idea above about maybe getting pictures with the grandkids (you or your grandma or both) and then framing it for her. I think that’s a really cute idea. But definitely do not feel pressured to add them to your wedding party just for that reason, because 5 extra people in a wedding party is A LOT
    • Reply
  • L
    Liz ·
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    I like this idea. If that isn’t enough, I wonder if a compromise solution could be to give them an official title (e.g. special supporters), have them wear something (tie, ribbon, etc) that matches your bridal party, but otherwise just have them sit with their parents. It might be enough for Grandma, while not causing you to have an extra five little people in your bridal party.

    Of course, a polite but firm ‘no’ to grandma is also a very valid option. 🙂

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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
    • Flag
    Well I have to preface this by saying I think it is really horrible that your grandmother is trying to manipulate you through guilt in order to get what she wants. And if you want to simply say no to her demands, you are well within your rights. That being said, if you want to appease her and have the small children involved in some way, could they maybe wear matching dresses/suits and escort Grandma down the aisle?
    • Reply
  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag
    What if you put your foot down and not have them in the wedding, but have them just attend the ceremony, take a nice portrait picture with grandma and all of her grandkids and great-kids, and then someone can scoop up all of the little ones during cocktail hour and take them back to the hotel with a babysitter.
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  • Maureen
    Devoted November 2021
    Maureen ·
    • Flag
    What if you put your foot down and not have them in the wedding, but have them just attend the ceremony, take a nice portrait picture with grandma and all of her grandkids and great-kids, and then someone can scoop up all of the little ones during cocktail hour and take them back to the hotel with a babysitter. Grandma could very well be happy with the nice picture, and you won't have to worry about kids running around the reception.
    • Reply
  • Maria
    Dedicated April 2021
    Maria ·
    • Flag
    I would say... your wedding, your rules! If you do not want them there it’s okay, it’s your decision and everybody should respect that
    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    It is yours and your fiancés wedding. No one elses. If you don't want them in your wedding (which I don't blame you, 5 is too many) then don't have them in your wedding. Your grandmother will get over it. And if guests don't come because you don't have your 5 cousins in the wedding party, then that is ridiculous and I wouldn't want people like that there anyway.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
    • Flag

    I would put your foot down and say no! Your wedding party should be those closest and dearest to you, not some random 5 cousins who you have little relationship with. Stand your ground!

    • Reply
  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    This is tough but of I was you I'd put my foot down. It sounds like she is using her limited time on earth as a way to guilt you into doing what she wants you to do. I'd say it's your wedding and if you don't want these kids in it then don't.
    • Reply
  • Molly
    Expert May 2022
    Molly ·
    • Flag

    I don't think they need to be in your wedding party! Would it be enough for her to just have a family photo so she can have the memory and photo at least?

    • Reply
  • T
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Tammy ·
    • Flag
    If you are paying for YOUR wedding do as you please, I am going to have a small ceremony when we plan to do so. You dont want to be a people pleaser family or not granny momma daddy cousins uncle friends in laws co workers lady at grocery store LOL SERIOUSLY WHOEVER it is stand your decision hey why spend all that money to impress others no one will be there to help pay 1 bill from your wedding Im not doing it, people want to debt themselves for what to put on a show that no one is help paying for to come look smile eat or drink and go home full and debt free absolutely not tell granny how the wedding was without her and whomever else its ABOUT YOU YOUR HUSBAND AND GOD NO ONE ELSE... DONT HAVE SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE ELSE THEN YOUR STUCK WITH THE EXPENSES THE NEXT DAY.
    • Reply
  • Fred
    Expert April 2022
    Fred ·
    • Flag
    This is the answer:
    " it's my wedding and I want people in it that I am close to".


    "don't know what to do and I feel like I have no choice but to include them just to get her to leave me alone about it": either you suck it up and let her get her way with the risk of turning this into a wedding regret or you stand your ground with the risk of having an argument/fight ,not only with her but with your uncles,aunts,parents.Trying to please your family is a thing , but you should never do it at the expense of your hapiness, or your partner's. Especially when it comes to big,major decisions that you (or you and your partner) have to make, not anyone else.
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