Family drama

It is your wedding so invite who you want and if the others are adults they will be cordial that one day or not come at all. You should not have to justify your guest list.

It’s YOUR wedding. Done. If they can’t be adults and be civil in respects to you then they shouldn’t go . You shouldn’t feel guilty or in the middle - as far as seating charts maybe have them in different areas so it isn’t awkward but that’s about all I would do

Amanda, it's your wedding, your decision, everyone should respect your wishes!

View Quoted Comment I know but it is easier said than done. I do not know how to go about the situation!

View Quoted Comment Yeah that is smart. Maybe I should just invite them and seat them far away from each other!

Invite who you want, but the seating chart will be important here. Sit the feuding parties on opposite sides of the room

View Quoted Comment Yes ! You should- you can’t make everyone happy and if you try to, you’ll lose your mind. Do what YOU want and obviously try to keep it civil but they are adults, you shouldn’t have to babysit and worry about them not getting along. They are all there to celebrate you and your new marriage not to socialize like middle schoolers

I have recently experienced this as well. My uncle recently passed away, and my family ended up having a falling out with his wife shortly after. She already knows about the wedding and has been incredibly excited for my fiancé and I, and has already expressed that she will absolutely be attending. After the falling out however, I know there will be many family members not too thrilled with her attendance. I stressed out about it a lot. In the end, I decided the best thing to do would be what I would not regret in the future. When you think back five years from now about your wedding, would you regret certain people not being invited? If so, invite them. Explain to your family members that you completely understand and respect their reasoning for not liking these individuals, but that you also request they return the favor & understand and respect your desire to have them present during this special moment in your life, and that you feel you would look back with regret if they were not invited. These are people who love you, so surely they will be able to put their differences aside for your happiness.

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I get what you are saying but just send the invites and if anyone asks just say that you invited these people because you love them and do not have an issue with them. You hope those people will put aside their differences and still come to support you. Wedding planning sadly is not easy with guests. You do not have to forewarn them unless you feel it necessary. I feel it would be more offensive to not invite someone because of family drama.

View Quoted Comment I have tried to explain it to them but it seemed like they do not want to listen. She is my godmother and I want her at my wedding. It should not matter what they want because it is my wedding. However, I do not want them to complain and bring it up how they are unhappy about my decision!

View Quoted Comment Yeah exactly. It is my mom and sister they have the problem so it is a little bit more difficult to figure out how to handle this situation.

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I would say take both aside and let them know you are inviting the other and even though they have issues you are just asking that for that day they put their feelings aside for you. They may not like it but like others have said pp they need to be adults and they do not have to even talk to each other rather be there for you. Would not hurt to forewarn them.

Your concern shouldn’t be about upsetting anyone except your FS, unless of course these people are verbally or physically violent. Invite who you want and if someone else doesn’t like it, they don’t have to come.

It’s a little difficult to say without knowing details. It can range from “these people simply do not get along” to “this person hurt this other person.” If it’s something that wasn’t super serious, I would say invite everyone. If it was more serious than that, I’d be careful not to accidentally hurt someone too.

Seating them away from each other should help. It also depends on the situation... if you mom hates your stepmom, that’s too bad because you certainly will invite your dad’s wife. But if your dad can’t stand his brother, it depends on how close you are to your uncle if any drama is worth it to you.


My dad cut off relationships with all his siblings. Fortunately, we wanted a tiny wedding (15) so I was ok not inviting them. I only talk to one anyway and I sent them all a wedding photo afterwards.

Omg we are having this same problem! My fiancé's brother (who is a best man) is threatening not to come if we invite his uncle, but we want to invite them to make his grandma happy. I would just like to be able to invite everyone and have everyone act like adults for just one day!

I think we are just going to end up inviting them anyway, so they have the option of saying no. It also avoids the whole "no invitation" feud.

One of my fiance's aunt was very persistent and borderline verbally abusive, trying to persuade us not to invite FMIL (they are sisters). She threatened to call the cops at our wedding if FMIL so much looked at her in the "wrong" way. Before she did all of this, she gave us money to help towards the wedding and at first we accepted graciously. However not even 24 hours later of giving us this supposed "gift", she started bombarding us with conditions and people we shouldn't invite, etc. She would send harassing texts and voice messages telling us that our wedding will be ruined if FMIL is in attendance, and that she will call the cops if she shows up. She also began to ask people in FH's family for monetary donations on our behalf which was entirely inappropriate and disgusting. Fiance and I then realized that this aunt was essentially using her money as a weapon and a means to manipulate our wedding. It's terrible when family behaves this way. We tried to talk to her and tell her that we didn't like how she was behaving and tried to reason with her. She essentially got upset we were making her seem like the "bad person" and she said if we gave the money back to her, she would un-invite herself from the wedding (invites weren't even sent at that point of time yet) and that she would give the money to more grateful people... whatever that was supposed to mean. So, we gave all her money back, removed her from the guest list, wiped our hands clean of her and that was that. Now, she's been calling FH's family members like his grandfather (no blood relation to her, so it's really ridiculous) telling him that WE uninvited her from the wedding and that she really wants to attend. She's been sending us money transfers randomly and we don't accept any of them. She's really trying to find a way to get herself back into the loop in regards to our wedding planning. As far as we're concerned, she gave us a gift, verbally abused and harassed us, told us to give her "gift" back and that she'd uninvite herself, and is now going around telling people we uninvited her. She's crazy. We don't need people like that at our wedding, threatening to call the authorities, telling me to warn my family of FMIL's behavior just "in case" she acts up and causes a scene. But the only person we're worried about causing a scene is this aunt. She is not welcome anymore. Please believe me when I say that when it comes to family, they can sometimes be your worst enemy, unfortunately. Do not let ANYONE pressure you into inviting people you don't want there. You will be miserable. A weight has been lifted off of our shoulders after ridding ourselves of this toxic aunt and her antics. We don't need that in our lives, and she is going to have to live and come to terms with the chaos she's caused and how it caused her to lose a seat at our wedding. Make the right choices for you and your fiance, and I'm telling you, you won't regret it. All the best

View Quoted Comment Pra tice in front of a mirror, or with friends, saying in a polite but firm way: It is FI and my wedding, and we are inviting the people we want to have there. Other guests, and family, have no say in who the other guests will be, so I am not going to discuss it. Then, silence. Nothing. Smile and don't listen to the drama. Sing Mary Had a little lamb in your head, and pretend Mom or aunty Sue or whoever is a cute bleating sheep. If you never respond, people begin to feel stupid talking to a blank, non-resonsive smiling face. Don't argue, Don't consider their reasons unless they involve violence or Criminal Behavior. Don't keep saying no. Just, It is not up for discussion. Anyone want more coffee?