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Just Said Yes June 2019

Family drama

Katie, on May 6, 2019 at 12:27 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hi all, I would love some advice. (It’s a long one ) I get married in 1 month and have been copping nothing but complaints. My wedding is child free (under 1s are exceptions) and have been in arguments with family members over this . They have all had about 6 months notice that this was happening yet still feel the need to comment and ask me why. I stood my ground and it ended up my cousin declined for the wedding (so be it). My latest drama is now with the other side of the family. My aunt called me and asked me why I didn’t invite her daughter (my cousin) and her 2 kids. Simply put I have spoken to them maybe 4 times in the last 10-15 years. I told her I don’t talk to them, they don’t talk to me , no effort is made so I don’t feel like I need to invite them. She kept a saying but they are family but once again I stood my ground. My question to you all is, now after rsvping and paying for all the guests, my Aunty isn’t sure if she will come because I didn’t invite my cousin. Is it fair to ask her to pay seeing as she rsvp’d months ago and it is intentional that she has decided not to come? It’s nearly $200 pp. I’m quite annoyed with the family atm and their need to comment on everything. They have honestly ruined this entire experience for me and I’m at the point where I can’t wait for it to be over . Weddings definitely bring out the worst in your family...please help

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Ingrid, on May 7, 2019 at 12:44 AM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 6, 2019 at 12:32 PM
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No, it's not fair for you to ask her to pay you. It sucks, but it's a risk you take in wedding planning. People RSVP and no show all the time, you just have to cut your losses and get over it.
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Super May 2019
Victoria · on May 6, 2019 at 12:37 PM
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I agree, it’s not okay for you to ask her to pay. Definitely cut your losses.
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Expert September 2020
Christine · on May 6, 2019 at 12:38 PM
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That's really frustrating, I'm sorry that you're dealing with this! I wouldn't ask your aunt to pay though. It's really rude of her to RSVP yes and then intentionally cancel because she didn't like your guest list choices, but realistically you will have people who cancel last-minute or straight up don't show up to your wedding. You just have to suck it up and deal with it rather than trying to pass the bill off. That would cause even more drama. Also, there's still time before the wedding so your aunt may change her mind and attend after all!
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VIP August 2013
MAMW · on May 6, 2019 at 12:41 PM
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Unfortunately you can't ask for the money back, but I would take some "joy" in calling her bluff at the very least. If she keeps saying she doesn't know if she's going to come, just respond with, "Ok, we are sorry to hear that. Please let us know what you decide so we can make sure the give the caterers accurate numbers." Then you'll have stood your ground and showed your Aunt that she can't just get what she wants if she complains enough. I'm trying to put a "positive" spin on it for you
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VIP October 2018
Melissa · on May 6, 2019 at 12:58 PM
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Frustrating as it is, no, you cannot ask someone to pay.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on May 6, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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I agree with this!
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Devoted October 2018
Sarah · on May 6, 2019 at 4:32 PM
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I wouldn't ask her to pay you back, but I might mention that you're now out $200 (or say something to show you are upset). Especially if she is using it as a punishment for not inviting your cousin. Might be a little catty, but I might take a little pleasure out of guilting her a bit lol. But, as others have said, you will have these last minute cancellations, or people that show up without giving any notice. It sucks, but it is what it is!
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on May 6, 2019 at 9:16 PM
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Also, if she does cancel on you and you cannot change your count with the vendor, you might ask them if that $ can go toward something else -- maybe some prewedding snacks for the bridal party or upgrading an appetizer, etc. If your date is in June, you still have at least a month, so maybe they'll be willing to move that expense to upgrade something else -- they'll still be getting the same amount of money for you, but a full meal might not have to go to waste. (Another option might be to offer a single relative or friend the option to bring a guest that otherwise wouldn't be invited -- better than completely wasting the $$/meal.)
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Super July 2020
D · on May 6, 2019 at 10:50 PM
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Sorry you are going through this. It would be worse in the long run to ask for the $$. Keep explaining that for your special night you want adults only and it isn't affordable to invite relatives you don't keep in contact with. If it is that important to her maybe she can pay for your cousin's meal.
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VIP October 2020
Ingrid · on May 7, 2019 at 12:44 AM
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That sad to hear and I agree that weddings seem to bring out the worst in people. I feel differently than everyone else, I would definitely ask her to pay. Especially because she's choosing not to attend based on feelings and not logic. I tend to go against the grain, and against rules that make no sense and seem rude.
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