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Savvy May 2021

Family Drama

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Sarah, on March 30, 2020 at 2:02 PM

This is going to be a long post/rant! sorry!! My FH and I dated for roughly a year and a half before getting engaged, and we got along with his mom well, and his sister lived in another state so I did not know her well. After we got engaged, I feel like his mom flipped a switch. She wanted to be...

This is going to be a long post/rant! sorry!!

My FH and I dated for roughly a year and a half before getting engaged, and we got along with his mom well, and his sister lived in another state so I did not know her well. After we got engaged, I feel like his mom flipped a switch. She wanted to be really involved in our planning, which I initially adored and was happy that she wanted to help us plan, along with my mother who is helping us immensely both planning and financially. FMIL married FH's stepdad in 2016, and she began to relate everything about our wedding back to theirs. "well for my wedding.... this is how much we spend on this....". please keep in mind she is not financially helping at all. Which is more than okay, but she judges how much everything is and how much we choose to spend. FH's sister became pregnant 3 months after moving here with someone related to their stepdad. (we found out the day after we got engaged). FH's mom pulled me aside to tell me in private about the pregnancy, and wanted me to hide it from FH. I ended up telling him because I felt horribly about hiding something like that from him, and honestly I wish she would not have told me and just communicated that to her son directly, or let his sister tell him. I am not close to his sister, but I felt like she is his sister and should be included on our wedding day as a part of our bridal party. FMIL texted me "you need to put my daughter in your wedding" which I did not like, but I already decided that i was going to, so I did not address it. FSIL doesnt seem like she wants to be in the wedding, she does not seem happy about it, she and her boyfriend are constantly out of jobs, so I am not sure she can afford it. I know FMIL will help her pay for her things, which will only make FH more upset as FMIL clearly favorites her daughter. fsil is constantly trying to one up FH (she is 34, we are 24). this weekend, she posted on facebook "cant wait to get married in a few weeks" FH and my Ffil(who lives In another state) had hurt feelings that they found out about her engagement through Facebook. Somehow, she found out about how they felt and texted them that it was a joke and they needed to relax, and that she knows how upset FH would be if she "dared get married before him" (he would not care at all). FSIL Then posted on FB that if people did not like what she posted, then they could delete her. FMIL and FSIL are constantly doing things like this in cohorts, and it hurts FH's feelings, and quite frankly mine as well. they are also quite rude to me, but I try to let it go because it is not my place. The last time I saw them, they mocked me for "planning" FH's and I's life, our wedding, and finances. They said that kids just happen and I can't prevent them and that we'll never save enough money to purchase a house. Last night, FMIL told FH that they were "shocked" when I asked FSIL to be in the wedding. This really hurt my feelings because I feel like I am trying to do the right thing and they still find something to make drama of. They are exhausting. I am not sure what advice I am looking for here, but I am over having his sister in our wedding and I have stopped inviting his mom to things because when we leave I am usually in tears.

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Just Said Yes December 2019
Sidney · on April 5, 2020 at 10:01 AM
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In fact, this topic is very serious. But I think that the main thing you need to do is to do what you consider necessary. You don't need to consult your mother-in-law or anyone else. Especially when it comes only to your family. No one should be your adviser. You can invite anyone and spend as much as you see fit for the wedding. There will always be people who condemn you for any of your actions, but let them mean nothing to you. Listen only to yourself and your husband.

I can tell you a short story about how my mother-in-law almost ruined our marriage. First time, when I met with my future husband, she didn't interfere in our relationship. I will even say more - she played a beautiful mother in law. She said that she really liked me. However, she always didn't like the way I dress (although I never wore anything depraved, I was always diligently dressed). While my husband and I were on their honeymoon, she lived in our house, looked after our cat and the house. We arrived and she must go to home. But no. She decided to "stay another week." During her stay in our house, I noticed that she was talking about me with my husband. She told that I didn’t clean or cook dinner good enough. She shared her comments with me and said that she has a better opinion about my housekeeping abilities. I was lost and didn't understand why she spoke and acted in this way. Thank God my husband treated this adequately, he was on my side, sometimes even arguing with her because of this. However, later she decided to act abruptly because she thought that because of me she had a falling out with her son. Then she started to tell my husband that I dress too well because I had a lover. I was shocked. This is complete nonsense, I always dress to look great. Each time she told him that I wasn't leaving for work, but for a date. It's hard to believe, but she went so far that she prepared the divorce papers for us and told him that I did it. I have no words. I still don't understand what caused this behavior and words in my direction, but I'm still offended. My husband and I began to quarrel on this basis, and then we realized that we should talk with my mother-in-law about her departure from our home. After that, she remained very offended by us, and especially by me. I think, now she hates me. But I don't care about this, because I love my husband and I want to be happy with him!
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