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Beginner June 2024

Family drama

Caroline, on January 3, 2022 at 6:25 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 13

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What would you do if your family didn’t trust your Fh ? Things happened a while back when we started dating and then about 6-9 months ago ish things happened again which they think he did what he did when we first started dating again . Mind you this was before he proposed to me ! He has been completely honest , we have safe words if we need to use them if someone is being to hard on the other and what not but my family just doesn’t trust him. My sister younger at that calls him garbage TO MY FACE !!!

I have had mental and disabilities since I was little so my parents have guardianship because I’m not able to control things just quite yet they are “ letting me off the leash “ more lol
But how would you feel if they didn’t trust your fh ? Would you be like I’m not going to invite you and figure out how to pay and do the wedding yourself or suck it up and just go with it . Because what I’m doing is not inviting them and I made a TikTok because I wanted to see if anyone on there would be willing to help out Not that it was necessary but that was then shared to my older sis which she is now mad at me for it . Like seriously It should be about me and my fiance and this stuff happened a while ago so why can’t they just get over it I’m engaged happy af and just want to be happy and I can’t be with them being this way hints why I have decided to just forgo them and not have them there at all .

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13 Comments

Latest activity by CountryBride, on January 7, 2022 at 2:28 PM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on January 3, 2022 at 1:26 PM
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Because you mention your parents have guardianship of you, I don't have any advice for you about how to handle your relationship with them. But I will say that no matter what the situation, it's impossible to control other people's feelings. So, if they don't like them, whether or not you feel they are justified, there is nothing you can do to change their minds. I also think it's always a good idea to plan a wedding you two can pay for yourselves. That saves so many problems on many levels.
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 3, 2022 at 1:27 PM
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My mom has recently said that if I can pay for it than that’s fine they won’t stop me as long as I get my work I need to do done.
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May 2019
Griswold · on January 3, 2022 at 1:46 PM
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Any chance you could elaborate on the whole "Things happened a while back and then about 6-9 months ago ish things happened again" thing?
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 3, 2022 at 1:51 PM
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Yeah , so he cheated when we first started dating and then the other thing was that he’s email was hacked ( which I was aware of it was sending me weird things and stuff) and so the email associated with his match account was that email and the hackers matched with a friend of my sisters . The account used was the one he met me with . He didn’t need one when he cheated cuz he met her at church which he no longer goes to.
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Master October 2023
Cece · on January 3, 2022 at 2:36 PM
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Since the issues your family has with your fiancé stem from cheating, dishonesty and mistrust, I can understand where they are coming from. It sounds as though they have your best interest and safety in mind. I think if you want to change your family’s opinion of your fiancé, the two of you should seek couples counseling. This will not only strengthen your relationship and (hopefully) help prevent indiscretions in the future, it will also show your parents that you are handling the situation like a mature adult, and that he is putting forth the effort to make the changes he needs to make and win back trust.
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 3, 2022 at 2:45 PM
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Oh yeah we definitely plan on doing that but tbh idc they can have their opinions it’s not that I have a problem with it it’s the fact that they Keep bringing it up. It’s been years since he actually cheated and it gets annoying . And I also don’t want my sister to call him garbage she can have her distrust but calling him garbage is way way way over the line ! If they would just keep their opinions to themselves and just be help me with my wedding . I understand their thoughts but seriously it’s been 2 and half years ish since he cheated and he proposed so that should be worthy enough.
But my question is would you go head and take them out because of how their reacting or suck it up and do as they say. Oh and also my mom has been making me feel like crap for 10 years now so there’s that to
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 5, 2022 at 9:17 PM
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There’s a lot to unpack here, but your family sounds concerned for you. You can’t really control what they think of your fiancé.

I don’t understand what you mean about TikTok? Did you post something there?
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 5, 2022 at 9:39 PM
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Yea I posted on there asking for help cuz I wouldn’t be inviting my family lol and I know their concerned but it’s been years since he cheated and it’s annoying he actually proposed now so that should prove he wants this ! Like we’re gonna go to therapy and everything it’s annoying! And I’ve been dealing with this crap for 10 years now just me and I just don’t feel welcome in my own house ugh
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 5, 2022 at 10:40 PM
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It must be hard to feel that way. I’m sorry to hear that.
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 5, 2022 at 10:43 PM
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Oh more than you know! I love them it’s just that my mom treats me like a child ( I have disabilities and so I feel like she sees only that and never sees me as a person) and my other family members are on her side so it’s like I’m on my own side and can’t get them to see other wise! I do everything I possibly can to make them happy yet I’m the abusive one and the immature / selfish one
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Beginner September 2022
Cassie · on January 6, 2022 at 3:07 PM
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I am so sorry you are dealing with all this drama. My suggestion would be to plan a way to pay for it yourselves since you have a couple years to save. As far as invites and deciding if you want to include family, thankfully you have time to finalize a guest list, and hopefully some of the tension or drama cools down in the future. I would say keep the planing to yourself and when/if you feel your family will be positive about the wedding you can cross the bridge on if you'd like them there.
I'd enjoy your relationship, engagement, and planning since it can be one of the most exciting and fun times! So take it slow and make sure you and your FH are on the same page on planning and your futures and worry about family much later down the road. For planning, you can pad them into that guest count and if things get better that is awesome, and if not you saved yourself a couple years of family wedding drama and a toxic relationship. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, family members need time apart and it is really tough to be vocal and say that you need a day, week, or month where you all just decompress and don't speak. Sending good vibes your way!
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Beginner June 2024
Caroline · on January 6, 2022 at 3:41 PM
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Thank you
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on January 7, 2022 at 2:28 PM
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I'm not going to elaborate too much but I was engaged to a man from 2012 to 2019 During this time my family quit talking to me because they voiced their opinions and I thought they were wrong he is a great guy, he wasn't a great guy he beat me, cheated on me while I was pregnant. and had a lot of issues, but I was in love with being engaged and a wedding not in love with him or a marriage, finally, he left me thank god, so I worked on myself and met my fiance, he is incredible, I am not in love with our wedding I am in love with him and the fact that we are going to get married, my family started talking to me again and I finally feel like I got it right, my point is if your family has opinions please take a step back and listen to them they only have the best interest for you in mind
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