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Jacki
Beginner September 2019

Family Drama

Jacki, on June 26, 2019 at 11:51 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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I recently got engaged and going to the courthouse for our wedding. I wanted to have a reception to party with all the people that care about us and have been a positive influence in our 8 year relationship. However, my oldest brother has never been positive towards me in my life, nor has he ever showed any signs of wanting to be a brother to me later on in our lives. Both my FH and I do not want him at the wedding because of the toxic relationship and anxiety I get around him. The part that makes this tricky is my mom. She and some other family members have told me that we should invite my brother but they also think he won't show, yet I have a strong feeling he'd come for the free meal. So its come to my family telling me they don't want me to regret not inviting my brother. I feel that if he wants a relationship after our wedding, then the ball is in his court. Yet I'm still unsure how I should go about our wedding if its worth trying to convince my FH to send the invite in hopes he doesn't show up.


9 Comments

Latest activity by Jacki, on July 23, 2019 at 12:16 AM
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Leave him out if he gives you anxeity and problems.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Don’t invite someone you hope won’t show up, he probably will. I don’t think a wedding is a good time to repair a broken relationship; don’t feel guilty about not wanting a toxic person there on your day of love & happiness.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    PS If your mom wants everyone together, she can host a holiday gathering and invite you both. Your wedding should not be used for a family reunion with people who don’t support you and/or your partner.
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Totally agree with this!!

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  • Cassi
    Super October 2019
    Cassi ·
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    Personally these are my thoughts towards that situation Family Drama 1


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  • Futuremrsbroadhurst
    Savvy November 2018
    Futuremrsbroadhurst ·
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    My husband uninvited his sister from our wedding because she is a toxic person. He said that he was so much happier not having her there and barely noticed that she wasn't there. You shouldn't have to invite your brother to YOUR wedding if you don't want to, it doesn't matter what other people want, it is about what you and your FH want.

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  • Madisen
    Savvy April 2020
    Madisen ·
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    I’m definitely in the same situation. I don’t talk to my dad much, we’re just cordial on holidays and birthdays. Everyone keeps telling me I have to invite him and “he probably won’t show up.”

    They said the same exact thing for my college graduation and guess what... he showed up. He had texted me a week before saying he was excited to come and the whole time leading up to my graduation and the day of, I felt sick, anxious and like I was going to cry because I didn’t want to see him or talk to him.

    Im still not sure what I’m going to do for the wedding because my family is making me feel guilty again and I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t, so I definitely understand how you may feel and how hard of a situation it is. But if you even have a slight feeling he’ll show up even if everyone else is saying he won’t, or like it may ruin your and your FHs day due to stress or anxiety, I wouldn’t send him an invite.
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  • N
    Savvy July 2019
    NikkiMJ ·
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    If it were me, I would do my part and invite him.
    If this was anybody else and not my brother I would not. But since this is a sibling, yes I would extend an invite.
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  • Jacki
    Beginner September 2019
    Jacki ·
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    Thank you all for the responses! I continue to battle my mom and now my godmother about MY wedding. I'm getting tired about all the opinions and at this point I've told my mom that if she keeps bringing it up, I'm not going to let her do anything with the wedding. She's also showing signs of jealousy and is obsessive about things with the wedding. She keeps trying to be in control of things and is making me feel terrible about wanting to include my FMIL and FSIL in planning and doing things. I have a WAY better relationship with them than I am having with my own mom. I've yelled at my mom about the brother thing getting continuously coming up so I told her I'd talk to him myself so she would stop bringing it up through other people, IE my godmother. She tries to force my brother back into what's left of the family and its not being received very well by two of the four kids, me included. At this point I feel broken and I even told my mom that planning this wedding shouldn't be this stressful because of one person. She tells me to get over it and I should grow up.

    I should also mention that my brother has mental health issues (narcissism and bipolar) addiction issues (gambling, drinking and drugs) which is probably what caused this riff in the family and I know he can be manipulative with my mom to get what he wants. He is notorious for asking people for money and sharing his pity story with everyone to get attention. This is the purpose I want him to stay away along with the chance he will get drunk since my mom insists on having an open bar. My godmother keeps making comments like this wedding is supposed to be traditional or I need to control my FH and make the decision to invite my brother because "that's the right thing to do." Or that "weddings are more for the bride and her family versus the groom." It's one thing after another......

    My dad passed away 13 years ago so this wedding is already emotionally charged. And I've apologized to my mom for having to go through another wedding without him. But she still never sees things through my view and continues to disrespect the way we want to celebrate our wedding. She even says weddings and funerals are for seeing family we don't normally see. At this point, I'm just ready to be done and I'm sick of all this drama.....

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