I feel like surely I must be missing something. We want to have an adults only wedding for a multitude of reasons. The two main ones being budget, but also equally as important, we want everyone to feel relaxed and have a classy, romantic evening. We don't see kids of any age contributing to that romantic energy we want (selfish? maybe? but it is our wedding, don't we get to decide that?).
Our wedding is NEXT October, so to give notice, I reached out to my brother to let him know we'd like to do adults only. A year ago, he married a woman with two kids - they're currently 11 & 13. They share 50/50 custody with their biological father. We saw this as a super easy solution - they could spend that weekend with their dad. Also though, we did tell my brother if they wanted to come for the weekend, we'd love to have them at the rehearsal dinner the night before and at brunch the morning after, but then we would help secure a baby sitter for the night of the wedding/reception.
My brother responded saying he's shocked I wouldn't let his stepkids attend the wedding and now he's unsure if he'll attend the wedding. I guess he complained to my mom who reached out and told me if the kids don't come and in turn, my brother doesn't come, then she won't go either. It's not like we're inviting some kids, but not his. We're saying no children at all.
I feel like I've handled it the best I can - offered for them to join in on some activities, just not the wedding - offered to help find a great babysitter for the night - made it abundantly clear it's nothing to do with his kids, it's no kids across the board. But now my only sibling and my mom are threatening to not attend my wedding. And, it's not like the kids would have no one at home to care for them, they've spent weekends at their grandparents house before (their moms parents) & also of course with their biodad. My brother did say he already told the kids about the wedding and they are so excited to go. I kind of think maybe he's pissed that now he'd have to tell them actually it's adults only? But I have no clue where the anger is coming from and why my mom is threatening to not come either!
Can I get either insight or reasurrance that I've done all I could? I'm just upset and feeling at a loss. I don't want to turn my wedding into something neither my fiance nor I want just because of him - our friends are totally fine not bringing their children, and in fact they've all said they'd be excited for a parents night out type of event. I just don't get it!
