Family Drama - whether or not to invite my uncle

Hm, this is hard.

If you and your FH are paying for the wedding, it's simple: "No pay, no say" - so the answer would simply be no, he's not invited. "No" is a complete sentence.

If you're mom/parents are contributing than I think they have a say.

ETA: If your uncle has such a problem with so many family members, is it likely he wouldn't attend anyway? You technically have some time to decide. I wouldn't send him a STD and make the final decision when invitations go out (if your parents are assisting financially).

Has anyone followed up with him recently? If it seems he's cleaned himself up and made a change in his life, maybe consider inviting him.

If he's still the same old uncle, then I wouldn't worry about it. This is a wedding celebration and you don't want him to start any drama there.

Invite who you want. I doubt that a non-invite will completely sever your relationship; in fact, it might be a wakeup call that his bad behaviour isn't working for the rest of the family.

Don't invite him and don't look back.

I am in a similar situation (except my aunt has been in recovery for about 3 years and doing fairly well). I am still not inviting her because I have not seen her in years, and have had no positive experiences with her in my entire life. My dad (her brother) doesn't care. Their mother (my gram) is upset, though.

You are sending invites. I don't care if mom is paying for the entire thing. Do not send this man an invite. You tell her you are worried about the safety of your guests and him coming is not an option.

In case she verbally invites him anyway, have your DOC or security be aware that he is not to come into any building where you or your family may be.

I would never invite someone who hit my mother to my wedding. I think this one has to be a hard no -- I know your mom doesn't like the idea of the finality of not inviting him, but if he's a violent drunk with issues with so many members of your family, I don't really see another option.

I would not be inviting him.. anyone who has inflicted violence on another family member in the past is automatically excluded - especially if there is the expectation of him starting something with your FH.

Weddings are not family reunions. You have no relationship with this man. You haven't seen or spoken to him in more than a decade. Not only that, but he has violently assaulted multiple family members including your own mom. Your wedding is not the time for her to reach out to an estranged family member. IF she wants to reconnect to her brother, she can do so on her own time.

FWIW, we did not invite my DH's alcoholic uncle, because DH has no relationship with him. DH's other uncle has a limited relationship with him but we don't have one, so there was no point to inviting him.

Don't invite him. My uncle on my mom's side is also an alcoholic. Everyone in the family has cut ties with him, except my grandma (who he lives with). I did not invite him, and as a result, my grandma did not come to my wedding.

You have to do what's best for you, your FH, and your wedding. If this means someone else gets upset, oh well.

I wouldn't invite him. He seems too toxic to warrant an invite to save face. I'd tell your Mom it's non-negotiable.

I wouldn't invite him! Violence is unacceptable and he obviously doesn't know how to behave like an adult so if it were my wedding, he'd be staying the fuck home!

Do not invite him, I'm sure you have enough to worry about... he shouldn't be on your mind that day! This is your day not your moms ... a wedding in not a place to mend family issues....

If you have no relationship with him, he should not get an invite. He also is clearly physically abusive so I am not sure why your mom even wants him around, brother or not.

I'd say no, personally...and wonder why my mom might want someone who she's worried about starting something at my wedding.

This is be a hard no for me. Sorry, mom.

I wouldn't invite him. If your mom pressures you, explain to her that she is responsible for his actions, and if anything happens, you will blame her. It's your wedding day and why take the risk of it being ruined. I could see if there have been more recent family events that he has attended and proved to have improved his life. But if not, you don't know what he's capable of and it's not worth finding out on your wedding day.

Yeah....no. Not sure why'd she want him around.