Family Drama w/ Children

I think I'd explain that the venue and decor, etc. aren't conducive to having kids present. Maybe offer a princess tea party for the girls.


*Fyi - as a mom, holiday gatherings are not the time to judge children or parents over behaviour. Candy canes, cookies - sugar - and a giant man in red bringing gifts do not lend themselves to chill ... Not for parents, children, or others. You have to have kids to understand this ...

View Quoted Comment I understand that, but there has still been poor behavior even when it isn’t a holiday. My fiancé’s sister literally said a few days ago that her children are so wild and “misbehaved” at home, and she can’t stand it and so she feels she has to take them out of the house because she can’t stand having them in the house...

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Oh wow, that's awful. I'm sorry to hear that. Again, I'd just tell the extended family that non-kid friendly choices have been made (such as venue decor, etc.) and it's not possible. They may ask you to change things, but at that point the reply is: We've committed to the choices we've made.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I would say the opposite. Holidays are a great way to judge how kids will behave in a setting like a wedding. Kids who do not always listen to their parents and defy any other people's rules, can wreak havoc. There are loads of people, things to crawl over and under, loads of high sugar goodies, alcoholic drinks not emptied sitting waiting for a little kid to poison themselves , at weddings, and kids can quickly get out of sight between guests, just like holidays in a home. It is usually possible to tell quite quickly which parents are routinely in control of their children, and practice company manners at home, so that when they go to a restaurant, event, or wedding, the kids sit in their places the entire time needed, talk in an inside voice, ask for permission or help to go anywhere, and routinely accept positive direction as needed from any adult present. An occasional meltdown happens, most often when kids are up too late, missing naps, don't have meals on time, and the adults around them are noisy and not behaving well themselves. What happened at Christmas at home, tells you the best case for these kids at a wedding. Worst case, they are worse. I and most of my siblings and half of hubby's brothers can take any of our own kids, and each other's, in fairly large groups, 10-15 with 2-3 adults, and go to any restaurant and be welcome to stay a full 2.5 hours of constant good behavior. Because we work at it at home. 1 of my sibs, and 7 of husband's, their kids are out of control in more than an hour anywhere. Quite obvious every holiday in their homes or other people's . Holiday behavior is the exact predictor of good or bad behavior in a wedding situation. And any host should look at their event and decide, at what age, if any , is it appropriate for kids? Then either alter the length and change activities, to be friendly to younger, poorly supervised kids. Or decide at what age they exclude kids. Maybe grade 7 and up, or high schoolers are fine. But B and G are lucky they did see these wild ones in a social holiday setting. Forewarned that this is an issue they cannot ignore. Not if they want their planned wedding.
( Mother of 5, ages 4-4-9-11-13.)

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This visit happened to be at a home that they are familiar with and any child can have a bad day - whether their parents are present or not. I have 2 sons, who certainly behave far better than outlined above. However, after 6hrs at Grandma's with a "all the cookies you want rule, stay up late or until you pass out, and indulge any whim..." most kids would lose their minds.

I really think the parents need to be on deck whether they work or not. But, as a stay at home mom with an 11 and 13 year old - and an aunt to nearly a dozen children and former childcare worker - I don't tout nor shame those who work or stay home. I wanted to be fair to everyone.

My nieces would be so excited to see a princess they would sit through a 2.5 hr vigil service like perfect urchins - even if 2 hrs before they found mud. Littles are a trip for sure!

I think I would remind FMIL that this is YOUR princess day 👸🏼

Hi! I’m getting married next year and I have a big family! I have 21 first cousins, mostly older mostly with kids between the ages of 25-newborn. Due to cost we also decided to cut the kids from our guest list as well, even if they are over the age of 18. It didn’t seem fair that some people could bring their kids and some could not not matter the age. I haven’t found a way to offer babysitting or anything so you are doing well! However, I do have two nieces who will be about 13 when we get married and they are our Jr. Bridesmaids and will be our replacement for the ring bearer and flower girl. I just didn’t see the need to have small children in the wedding party, they tend to get tired quickly it means the parent if also in the bridal party is distracted. That being said. I have a friend in the bridal with small children you I am close to who will be at the ceremony. Maybe you could ask you sister in law to not bring her child to the reception? Or if you haven’t chosen one yet maybe make her a flower girl so others are not wondering why she is allowed at the reception and their kids weren’t not. Maybe ask to make the reception kid free aside from those in the bridal party and be prepared to add them? I’m also in the wedding stationary business. I print letterpress invites and things. It is not uncommon for me to see on a reply card or details card “adult only reception” or (depending on how nice you want to be) “please no children at reception”. I had to explain to one family member I just didn’t feel like it was appropriate for small children to be in a room with too money drunk adults haha. I hope this helps.

We are doing our RSVP online when we made our save the dates out we labeled them to the adults we were mailing them to instead of Mr. and Mrs. Thomas and family we put Mr. and Mrs. Thomas- on the RSVP section of our website we indicated that we were having a five course wine dinner and that anyone under 21 would not be appropriate- for us it was a matter of wanting to enjoy our day and if they can’t get a babysitter for one night that’s not your problem and I wouldn’t feel guilty about it if they didn’t come

Update: FH talked to his mother and she literally said he “was ripping the family apart” and his siblings/in-laws are “pissed” at us, and that we “obviously don’t love the nieces and nephews.” And “obviously you don’t have the family values we thought you had,” and she started crying and saying that the children are his siblings’ entire life and we just don’t get it. We are “ruining the family.” ...he stood his ground stood (proud of him!), but we just feel like she is trying to manipulate this entire thing...his family has walked all over us for years, so they aren’t taking it well now that we have started to stand up for ourselves. Ugh.

Do you have a coordinator or does your venue have security/bouncer? They should be able to remove guests who bring children. Have your fiancé let his family know the policy remains and anyone who brings children would be escorted out. It will be a major cost to you in you allow kids now, so if the family is adamant then make them pay the added cost

View Quoted Comment They sound hateful and manipulative- I’m so sorry you have to experience that!!! Ughhh

If they really want the little girls to have the fairy tale experience, their parents can take them to Disneyland... that's not what your wedding is for!