Family Drama- Uninviting my sister to be Moh

Hey sorry you’re going through this. You said you and your sister already had a tense dynamic/weren’t close- then you asked her to be MOH because she guilt-tripped you in the first place. I don’t think removing her as MOH solves the underlying issue- you are making decisions about your wedding process in attempts to please her & make your relationship with her something that it isn’t.


It might be good to ask her what she thinks the MOH role is & for you to define what you need her to be as your MOH- you’re the bride so it’s your call. You could tell her that for this process you need her to put your feelings first & stop guilt tripping you- and if she can’t do that, you’d still love her to be MOH but it may have to be more in title than in substance- and just keep distance so you maintain your own sanity. Wedding planning should be a happy time.. I suggest you stop giving other people the power to control your emotions. Her behavior has nothing to do with you & you can’t bend or twist enough to make her happy. So start making yourself happy. Wishing you the best.

Your sister is being self centered, immature and ridiculous. Sometimes you just need to be practical and efficient and this was one of those times. A secure person would have understood that this was just a matter of time, distance and logistics. I agree with you that it was a better to start looking sooner rather than take the chance you wouldn't find something. The only thing you might have done to placate her somewhat given you made plans with her for the weekend of the 4th was to tell her the the bridal shops are all strongly encouraging you to start now and you hope she will understand. Not that it should be necessary.

If you ask her to step down, I can guarantee you will make things 10x more challenging and dramatic in the long run. For better or worse she's going to be your sister forever. I would not ask or expect anything from her or anyone for that matter other than to stand up for you on the day.

I agree with those above. Many times people hope weddings will fix or mend relationships. But, that is impossible because it's just a party. Expect less from this egoist and confirm with her that you only expect her to get her dress and be on time for your wedding day. Stop trying to people please and giving them the power to ruin your whole day and experience.

CM hit the nail on the head. Honestly I’m stunned by your sister’s attitude about this whole thing. It’s absolutely immature and irrational. Also I just want to say you did NOT “hurt her” and should not have had to apologize to her. Dresses do take time to come in and she should realize you can’t just wait to see her to go dress shopping to make her happy. I’d minimize contact with her for the rest of your engagement and only expect her to show up on the day of in her bridesmaid’s dress. If she keeps trying to bring up this matter with you, shut it down and tell her you will not be going over it again.
I’m sorry she did that to you.

Your wedding is not a time to get closer to people or heal old relationship wounds. If anything, they tend to amplify, as you're finding out.

Your sister is not being rational about this. She feels rejected for whatever reason, and is lashing out. It's likely something she has resorted to in the past.

I would meet her where she is, and don't expect her to be anything different. Lower the contact and planning level with her to reduce the drama. I would avoid kicking her out, because she will see that as a punishment, and that could be a relationship ruining move. Imagine sitting across from someone at every christmas, thanksgiving, wedding, that you kicked out of your wedding. It's never going to go over well.

Once things have calmed down, I'd call her and have a conversation about how she hurt you by making your wedding dress shopping all about her, not the other way around like she spun it. Then I'd tell her that you value your relationship with her, but you expect her to be more supportive moving forward because you don't have the capacity to plan your wedding and manage her emotions. That puts the ball in her court to rise to the occasion or show her true colors. If she really can't handle being in a bridal party like an adult, I don't think removing her would be the worst move. It's tough given that you're family, but if she keeps acting like this, you're going to be the one who keeps getting hurt, and that's going to build a lot of resentment.

Thank you all for your kindness and advice. I will definitely be speaking with her and i'll probably have my mom there to be a moderator for the conversation to help it from turning into an extreme argument. I feel so comforted and loved from all your comments and have decided i'll keep her as my maid of honor, but establish boundaries for the remainder of my engagement.