Furture Mrs. G
Expert September 2019

Family Drama- i want no part in

Furture Mrs. G, on May 22, 2019 at 2:17 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 16
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Okay this is going to be a long post and I am just really wondering what to do.


Soooo, I have two older sisters. One is a piece of cake to deal with, the other (we will call her Grace)- I have had soooo many problems with her as kids, growing up, and now adult hood. Anyways, my two children usually go spend a month with my dad in the summer so they can visit their cousins and everyone else. We have been doing this since we moved 9 hours away from my dad. Anyhow, one summer my sister (Grace) offered to bring the kids back home because she wanted to visit. Of course, I said okay because I thought it'd be nice to see Grace.

Grace has always had a thing for my FH. Very inappropriate. They were friends first, then she introduced me to my FH and we ended up hitting it off (been together 7 years). It is very clear that she has had other feelings towards him but we just all try to ignore it when shes around. When she introduced me to him she was married with 3 kids at the time. Anyways, when she brought my kiddos home it was a Friday- We ended up having drinks at the house and she acted completely stupid. There were a couple time where she totally disrespected my home and my relationship... Instead of getting crazy I walked in the house and started cleaning up.

Well she started causing problems and then finally left for the night. To much of my surprise she had told both of my aunts that I kicked her out and all kinds of crazy stuff (that obviously didn't happen even under the circumstances where I should have kicked her out)

So now a year later, my aunts still hate me. between then and now I was able to confront my sister about everything she said and why she lied (she claims she didn't tell my aunts anything, which I know is a lie) Grace apologized and we have moved on. She has done a complete 360 turn around and has been awesome these past few months. But, my aunts not so much. I invited both aunts to the bridal shower I am having on Saturday- They both don't want to go, mind you they have said soooo much bad stuff about my FH and I... I even sent both STD's to my wedding.

Would it be wrong of me to not send invitations to these people? I have sat and thought about this situation and why would I want people at my wedding who don't care for me or my FH. Unfortunately I started thinking about this after I already sent STD's which I am sure are in the trash anyways. I just honestly invited them out of obligation more than me wanting it. What should I do?

I am 90% positive that they won't show up anyways and that other 10% they might show up and make ugly faces and talk trash about my wedding. They already hate me I just don't want to stir up anymore drama if I don't invite them. I'm so torn and confused.

(sorry this is so long)

16 Comments

  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·
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    I would not invite them, i didn't want anyone at my wedding that I would regret or that would make me uncomfortable..its your day
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  • Cristy
    Rockstar May 2020
    Cristy ·
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    Etiquette says anyone who gets a STD must get an invitation. However, proper etiquette never takes into account individual personalities, or family drama. I say in this situation, it's ok not to send them an invite. If they are still hanging on to anger/resentment or whatever this long after the fact, then I understand why you wouldn't want them there. Just because they are family doesn't mean they aren't toxic. Sometimes you have to cut the toxic out of your life, even if it's family. It's great that you were able to patch things up with your sister. I agree that she's probably lying about telling the aunts anything. I mean, how else would they know anything had even happened, since they weren't there? But you're past that now, and should keep moving forward. Let the aunts stew and talk trash at home, not at your wedding.

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    It's your day so it is up to you. I would assume they wouldn't come anyways since they have a bad attitude towards you. If it was me I would just invite them because they are family and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings by them not being invited and just hope they RSVP no. But if no one in my family had an opinion on weather or not they were there then I would not invite them.

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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    This is what I was thinking! Thank you so much! Smiley smile

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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    The only one who would have an opinion that I actually care about is my grandma. With that being said, I think the only reason they would come is so they don't look bad. But, they won't want to be there.

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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    So true! Thank you!

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  • Jessica
    VIP June 2020
    Jessica ·
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    Maybe ask your grandma how she would feel if they weren't there? But also to make one person happy over not having to deal with drama a and guests that don't want to be there I feel like you should just not invite them. It's fine that you already sent them STDs just don't send them and invitation and hope they don't start more drama or show up.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Not sending an invite after sending a save the date is generally considered a relationship ending move, and therefore only advised when that is the desired outcome. So, that’s the question you need to ask yourself: do you want to close the door for a potential relationship rebuilding in the future, or, do you want to ever have the opportunity to make amends? The particular family dynamic here may mean there’s other peoples’ opinions for you to consider (will other family members become mad at you as a result?). Only you can answer these things. But to not send the invite likely will close that door.
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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    That is exactly what I have been juggling in my head. I have been so hurt and stressed out over this whole thing for a YEAR! They have made me cry, made me have anxiety attacks. At this point even if we were to make amends- I could NEVER have the relationship with them that I used to. Heck, one of my aunts threatened to hurt me. Again- ALL of this happened over something my sister said and it was all lies. They have really put a damper on my sanity. So I have shuffled with the idea of never speaking to them again- and honestly I think that would be best for me.

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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    The only reason I am even considering sending them an invitation is because I am not an ugly person. I like peace, not drama. & honestly I am just over everything.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Doesn’t sound like a big loss then!!
    Honestly I’m the same, I don’t want drama— don’t want to entertain it l, don’t want to be a part of it, don’t want to contribute. I’d likely invite just to avoid it and hope they don’t come. HOWEVER, it is important to remember that this is your wedding day. If they’re there and acting ugly, will it ruin your day? If so, hard pass. There’s a lot of times when I feel like my advice is “you’ll be so wrapped up in your day, you won’t notice one person” and most of the time that’s true. But if they’re negativity has had such an effect on your mental state— remember that you need to protect yourself.

    the hard part is if not inviting them will cause you to endure ADDITIONAL stress, and frankly, I don’t know how to know that, unfortunately. It could be that a non invite would stir up additional drama, versus an invite that they might just decline and move . So, im not super helpful here. I can only advise considering the consequences of either move, and, not forgetting about your own emotional and mental health.
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  • S
    Devoted September 2019
    Sara ·
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    If you do decide to invite them, is there someone in your family or a family friend who wouldn't mind 'managing' them for the day to keep their ugliness away from you? Someone who knows the whole story and can run interference if any nastiness starts. I wouldn't suggest your parents or grandmother since this is a special day for them too, but perhaps there's another cousin?

    Personally, if someone trash talked me or my FH, they wouldn't be invited, easy as that.

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  • Cynthia's and Robert  Wedding Day
    VIP September 2020
    Cynthia's and Robert Wedding Day ·
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    I have a quote I use on WW "Don't let anyone steal your wedding joy ". I would speak with your Grandmother and get her opinion to whether or not you should invite your aunts to your wedding. Etiquette is one thing but you having a beautiful stress and drama free wedding is totally something you and fh deserve!!!
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  • Heather
    Devoted April 2020
    Heather ·
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    Has your sister explained to your aunts that she lied to them? I know you said that she claimed to have not said anything but it’s obvious she did. She should really confront them about their behavior towards you and FH since it is stemming from her past behavior. But if they re rude and nasty don’t invite them. Who cares about etiquette? Don’t invite people who are going to cause drama and have no love for you and FH. Weddings are a celebration of love, only invite those who are their to share in it!
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  • D
    Super July 2020
    D ·
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    Ask your sister to mend the relationship by coming clean to the aunts. Don't tell your sister you don't want your aunts there though.
    Ultimately it's up to you if they get invited but they have the STDs. No invites means they are going to be that much more hateful towards you in the future. If it was me was and they were more likely to not show I'd send them invitations. At the end of it all you could say you tried.
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  • Paula
    Super September 2019
    Paula ·
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    I have family that I'm not inviting, not for the exact same reasons, but similar just the same. I say it's your wedding and you should surround you and your FH with the people who mean the most to you and who love and respect not just you but your relationship.

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