Family Drama- i want no part in

I would not invite them, i didn't want anyone at my wedding that I would regret or that would make me uncomfortable..its your day

Etiquette says anyone who gets a STD must get an invitation. However, proper etiquette never takes into account individual personalities, or family drama. I say in this situation, it's ok not to send them an invite. If they are still hanging on to anger/resentment or whatever this long after the fact, then I understand why you wouldn't want them there. Just because they are family doesn't mean they aren't toxic. Sometimes you have to cut the toxic out of your life, even if it's family. It's great that you were able to patch things up with your sister. I agree that she's probably lying about telling the aunts anything. I mean, how else would they know anything had even happened, since they weren't there? But you're past that now, and should keep moving forward. Let the aunts stew and talk trash at home, not at your wedding.

It's your day so it is up to you. I would assume they wouldn't come anyways since they have a bad attitude towards you. If it was me I would just invite them because they are family and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings by them not being invited and just hope they RSVP no. But if no one in my family had an opinion on weather or not they were there then I would not invite them.

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This is what I was thinking! Thank you so much!

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The only one who would have an opinion that I actually care about is my grandma. With that being said, I think the only reason they would come is so they don't look bad. But, they won't want to be there.

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So true! Thank you!

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Maybe ask your grandma how she would feel if they weren't there? But also to make one person happy over not having to deal with drama a and guests that don't want to be there I feel like you should just not invite them. It's fine that you already sent them STDs just don't send them and invitation and hope they don't start more drama or show up.

Not sending an invite after sending a save the date is generally considered a relationship ending move, and therefore only advised when that is the desired outcome. So, that’s the question you need to ask yourself: do you want to close the door for a potential relationship rebuilding in the future, or, do you want to ever have the opportunity to make amends? The particular family dynamic here may mean there’s other peoples’ opinions for you to consider (will other family members become mad at you as a result?). Only you can answer these things. But to not send the invite likely will close that door.

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That is exactly what I have been juggling in my head. I have been so hurt and stressed out over this whole thing for a YEAR! They have made me cry, made me have anxiety attacks. At this point even if we were to make amends- I could NEVER have the relationship with them that I used to. Heck, one of my aunts threatened to hurt me. Again- ALL of this happened over something my sister said and it was all lies. They have really put a damper on my sanity. So I have shuffled with the idea of never speaking to them again- and honestly I think that would be best for me.

The only reason I am even considering sending them an invitation is because I am not an ugly person. I like peace, not drama. & honestly I am just over everything.

View Quoted Comment Doesn’t sound like a big loss then!!
Honestly I’m the same, I don’t want drama— don’t want to entertain it l, don’t want to be a part of it, don’t want to contribute. I’d likely invite just to avoid it and hope they don’t come. HOWEVER, it is important to remember that this is your wedding day. If they’re there and acting ugly, will it ruin your day? If so, hard pass. There’s a lot of times when I feel like my advice is “you’ll be so wrapped up in your day, you won’t notice one person” and most of the time that’s true. But if they’re negativity has had such an effect on your mental state— remember that you need to protect yourself.

the hard part is if not inviting them will cause you to endure ADDITIONAL stress, and frankly, I don’t know how to know that, unfortunately. It could be that a non invite would stir up additional drama, versus an invite that they might just decline and move . So, im not super helpful here. I can only advise considering the consequences of either move, and, not forgetting about your own emotional and mental health.

If you do decide to invite them, is there someone in your family or a family friend who wouldn't mind 'managing' them for the day to keep their ugliness away from you? Someone who knows the whole story and can run interference if any nastiness starts. I wouldn't suggest your parents or grandmother since this is a special day for them too, but perhaps there's another cousin?

Personally, if someone trash talked me or my FH, they wouldn't be invited, easy as that.

I have a quote I use on WW "Don't let anyone steal your wedding joy ". I would speak with your Grandmother and get her opinion to whether or not you should invite your aunts to your wedding. Etiquette is one thing but you having a beautiful stress and drama free wedding is totally something you and fh deserve!!!

Has your sister explained to your aunts that she lied to them? I know you said that she claimed to have not said anything but it’s obvious she did. She should really confront them about their behavior towards you and FH since it is stemming from her past behavior. But if they re rude and nasty don’t invite them. Who cares about etiquette? Don’t invite people who are going to cause drama and have no love for you and FH. Weddings are a celebration of love, only invite those who are their to share in it!

Ask your sister to mend the relationship by coming clean to the aunts. Don't tell your sister you don't want your aunts there though.
Ultimately it's up to you if they get invited but they have the STDs. No invites means they are going to be that much more hateful towards you in the future. If it was me was and they were more likely to not show I'd send them invitations. At the end of it all you could say you tried.

I have family that I'm not inviting, not for the exact same reasons, but similar just the same. I say it's your wedding and you should surround you and your FH with the people who mean the most to you and who love and respect not just you but your relationship.