Hello all you beautiful brides and handsome grooms to be!! I am looking for some advice on how to deal with the stress and anxiety caused by family drama within the bridal shower and wedding. My bridal shower is this upcoming Sunday which my mom and bridesmaids have been planning. We are trying to keep it a small and intimate shower as our wedding is going to be a little on the larger side and my parents are paying for EVERYTHING, from my shower, to the rehearsal dinner and to everything to do with the big day. They invited the typical guests to my shower as in, MOB, MOG, FSIL, grandmothers on both sides, aunts on both sides, cousins on both sides and any of their kids of course, along with close friends.
Well this past Tuesday my fiancé’s grandmother called me and asked why her sister and her two kids weren’t invited to the shower. I told her I wasn’t the one planning the shower and that I know they were trying to make it a small and more intimate bridal shower. I told her if she would like I would happily have them send them an invite but her response was, no it’s a little to late for that now. She told me it was disrespectful and that she was very dissatisfied with how this whole wedding was being handled. That my mother should of reached out to his mother to see who his mother would of liked to invite to my bridal shower. I apologized to her and stated that again I was not the one planning the shower and that my fiancé, her grandson, is the one who made the list for their side of the family on who to attend both the wedding and the shower. She then said well you know we just went through this with my granddaughter, my FSIL, so we could’ve told you that you were supposed to invite every female that you invite to the wedding. You’re not supposed to pick and choose on which females to invite to your shower. I apologized yet again but this time said that every bridal shower I had been to it was more so the closer family members and close friends that went to the bridal shower not all the female wedding guests. Now I will say her sister and her two kids were invited to the wedding but we did not feel it would be right to invite them to the bridal shower since I’ve only seen them maybe two times in our whole six years of dating. I did not tell her this of course as I did not want to upset her any further. But I again apologized and told her we would happily send them an invite. She refused to give me their phone number and basically just called to let me know how unhappy she was but that she would be there but that she is just not happy about any of this. At that point I realized she just called to make me upset since there was nothing that could of been done any further to resolve the issue since she wouldn’t give me their phone numbers as they sent out e-invited to the shower guests.
On top of all that about the bridal shower she has stated that she is very upset and angry at the fact that the grooms side of the family has not been involved in this wedding at all. I apologized to her and told her that she would have to talk to her grandson about this as that is something that should be discussed between the two of them. We have since found out that it is his mother telling other family members we aren't allowing her to help or be a part of planning the wedding at all. When in fact when we first got engaged she asked what she could do and my fiancé then said some thing she could do for the wedding, I don’t remember what it was but it wasn’t anything outrageous of course. But her response to that one, “HA! Yeah that’s not happening!!” And since then has not said a word to us about the wedding besides a how’s the planning going maybe twice at holidays within the past 10 months. My fiancé has even had to reach out to her six times to ask if she wanted her hair and make up done with her response being I don’t know. But a little bit of insight here, my fiancé has clearly stated multiple times that he does not wish to have his family involved in any of the planning of the wedding. There has been family drama going on within his family over the past 5 years that has caused him not to speak to his sister in those five years. Which has now caused his mother and father not to speak to him as well unless they are calling to strictly just yell at him on the phone about his sister and tell him to just get over it already. He has informed his parents multiple times if his sister apologized he would begin to talk to her again but she owed him an apology and until then he would not speak to her. Since then they have been spreading lies and rumors about my fiancé to other members of the family, aunts uncles, etc. to the point where we do not get invited to other family functions unless it is a holiday. They have gone on beach trips and other vacations or day trips as a whole family without inviting us and told other relatives we refused to go because she would be there which is a lie. Their whole life they have allowed her to do or say whatever she has wanted without consequences and due to that my fiancé is taking a stand once and for all with what all has gone on and wants her to take responsibility for what she did by apologizing. He says once she apologizes he will then move on. So because of all this and the only time they speak to him is to yell at him, he has said multiple times that he does not want them involved because one he fears they may do some thing to ruin our big day out of spite and two he says why involve someone who won’t even speak to you or treat you like family any other day of the year. So all in all it’s my fiancé’s decision and I stand by whatever he chooses to do and whatever is going to make him happy.
So basically this little rant is just my way of saying that I am so over all the drama and pettiness that’s been going on and just want to know how any of y’all have handled the family/in-law drama. Because to be quite frank I am really just over all of this and don’t even care to have a bridal shower anymore. Which is sad because I feel like it’s something I should be excited for but instead I’m just nervous for something to be said or done and just wish it was over with already…
