Alisha
Beginner September 2022

Family Against Being Vaccinated and Tested

Alisha, on October 15, 2021 at 11:09 AM Posted in Planning 0 19
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This is both a post seeking suggestions and venting out my frustration at the same time.

I am a fairly open-minded person, my whole FH side of the family (except him) is very against COVID guidelines. I am okay with that, it's their choice, as long as it doesn't affect my loved ones and my health.

They were not happy when I had to move my wedding from the original date of 9/6/2020 to after COVID isn't a concern. I understood it may take a couple of years of postponement, but we considered getting married when it's safer.

We recently looked into the possibility of getting married early next year, and what needed to be done to do this safely.

BUT

The family refused to get vaccinated (even though the future MIL is a nurse)

They think COVID is just a flu

They go out to party and live like COVID isn't a thing

They refused to wear masks at the wedding

They refused to provide negative COVID test results prior to the wedding

Most of them have gotten COVID in 2020 - one of them almost didn't make it


That ticked me off. I get it, not everyone believes the vaccine won't have side effects, but refusing the COVID tests when I will be providing (15min at-home test kits) to the entire family?

The entire family includes: mother, father, brother, sister, brother-in-law, nieces, godparents, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Literally everyone in their family.

The grandmother is very upset with me, in her eyes I am the hold up to her grandson not being married. This is simply a risk I cannot let my loved ones take. My mother has lung issues, my godmother is immune-compromised, another guest cannot get vaccinated due to health reasons. The list can go longer.


Not having a wedding ceremony or reception is not an option. I have thought about getting married first and celebrate later; however, I am not loving the idea. I don't think it will feel the same.


If this were you, how would you guys approach this situation?



19 Comments

Latest activity by Chloe, on October 26, 2021 at 1:46 AM
  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
    • Flag
    First, how does your FH feel about their lack of cooperation? Is he prepared to get married without any of them present?


    I think you’re offering plenty of alternatives to them getting the vaccine so if they still don’t want to do any of those things it sounds like it isn’t really a priority for them to witness your marriage.
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    That a good point on the priority thing.

    My FH doesn't care much about his extended family attending. However, he really would want his parents and brother to be there. Unfortunately, they are the biggest opposers.

    I know they were very excited about this wedding - his is likely the only son that will get married

    We are paying for the wedding without any family's help. So them not being there will not result in a financial conflict.

    • Reply
  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2022
    Cece ·
    • Flag
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    Completely agree. You are being very patient and understanding, and are providing options for those who do not wish to be vaccinated. If these people are not even willing to take a quick test to prove they are not sick, obviously witnessing your marriage is not a priority for them, nor is the common decency of not wanting to infect and potentially kill others. So to answer your question, if I were in your situation I would hold the wedding of my dreams and require at the very least negative tests in order to ensure the safety of my other guests. Those who truly want to attend the wedding can abide by the rules. Those who do not see the wedding as a priority can politely decline.
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    Smiley heart That's fair. It makes so much more sense when you and Sarah point it out.

    I think I will probably go with what's suggested by you two. If the family really cares about the wedding ceremony, they would take the COVID test. Overall it's a swallow nose swab, and sit for 15 min to wait for the result.

    My FH will certainly talk to his parents and brother about this. Hopefully, he can convince them to take the test.

    If they really don't want to.... it's okay too. More honeymoon fund for both of us.

    Thank you Smiley heart Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like your future spouse is going to have to accept that his family members care more about their conspiracy theories and selfish ways (being anti-vaxx is one thing, but ALSO being anti-mask and against all reasonable precautions in a global pandemic that has killed 700,000+ people in the US alone, is quite another thing!) than they care about him or his wedding.

    I get it. It sucks to have to realize this about people you care about. We are personally dealing with this and have had to accept that we literally may never see my husband's parents again. It's awful, but we know we can't change their minds. It's impossible to change people and we just have to let go.

    • Reply
  • W
    Super September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    We had an outdoor, masked, socially distanced, immediate family only wedding before the vaccine was in sight. Getting married without family was unacceptable. Postponing marriage indefinitely didn't seem wise in the face of a global pandemic in case one of us got ill, or lost our jobs, or needed health insurance.


    At this point, everyone who wants to get vaccinated has had the opportunity. Covid is the new flu, in the sense that it's here to stay, with much deadlier consequences. I doubt that postponing your wedding will get your FIL's to change their attitude, or that covid will truly die out.
    I would talk with your FH about who he needs to have there in person, and who he's ok with having by video. I'd take every covid precaution and lay a firm boundary that a mask is required to attend. If they won't wear a mask, then they can attend by video
    Good luck
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
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    I agree it's very selfish for them to do that. As I said, I understand why they may not want vaccine, but they should taken the precaution to keep others safe.

    I hope the situation between you guys gets better eventually. It sucks to be divided by a stupid virus Smiley sad

    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    I honestly have not thought about the video option. That seems like a great idea for those who may not wish to come.

    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag
    While my fiancé and I both think covid is just a flu (call me a conspiracy theorist if you want 🙂) and is NOT more dangerous flu... And while we would NOT get vaccinated in order to attend a wedding, nor other event, we would definitely accept being tested, I would provide a negative test and wear a mask if required by the state, the venue's owners or even if it's not required by them but the happy couple only request it.
    However, there is a thing you need to know:
    Some people refuse to get vaccinated for a religious reason. while you can think it's stupid/ conspiracy , these people won't listen to you, no matter what, If that means not attending a wedding or attendind but they're not willing to respect laws/requirements/rules, they won't care about you nor your immune-compromised folks. My fiancé and I have this type of people in both families. That being said his 'nana' is insanely selfish for thinking you're the hold up ... In this situation I would tell your fiancé to deal with her behavior and put some boundaries with her since she's HIS grandma.
    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag

    In fact people who don't want to follow any covid guidelines will argue that you can still get covid after being fully vaccinated and mask, social distancing are not 100% sure either .You can't prove them wrong since even the WHO, other experts agree with these

    • Reply
  • L
    Beginner August 2023
    Lily ·
    • Flag

    This is why I'm glad where I live it's mandatory to show your vaccine status in order to attend things inside a public setting. It's so much easier to weed out those who are being selfish in not getting the vaccine or taking precautions like mask wearing/testing. Anyway, I'm sorry this is happening to you! It is not your fault and you're just making sure you're vulnerable family members are protected. If they won't give you the decency to do what you ask then they can either not attend or attend via video.

    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Beginner September 2022
    Alisha ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I think it is completely normal for people to have different views and opinions in general, and COVID included. I respect people and their opinions even when they are much different from mine. The part that ticked me off was, I am not getting the same "respect" back.

    I completely understand my FH's family don't want to get vaccinated. I may not agree with their reason, but I support their choices. I even defended their choices when people questioned them.

    It upsets me when I was so open-minded with their opinion, they still won't step back and compromise a little. I have the kits, I can go to their house and do the swab for them. All they need to do is be there, and let their nose be poked by the swab for a few seconds. But they refused to do that.

    I think I am going to do what most of you guys suggested. Invite them, but tell them it's okay if they don't want to come (because we require a negative test), we won't be mad at them. We would be happy if they can make it to our wedding though.

    • Reply
  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
    • Flag
    We're dealing with the same issue with my mom's sister and her family. The situation escalated to the point where my dad refuses to speak to them, because each time the meet my aunt tries to convince him that he will die an awful death because he's vaccinated... Or that he's being invigilated through a chip in his shoulder, that's her other favourite theory. They're the only family I have from my mom's side so while we would have liked to only allow those who are vaccinated, we've compromised and agreed with the venue that those tested negative would also be allowed to come - where I live, we wouldn't have had to impose any covid measures if everyone is vaccinated, so this complicates things because we have to think of masks and social distancing, but as I wrote, we were ready to meet them halfway... And then they started talking about refusing to get tested because apparently this infringes on their human rights or something. So I know what you're going through... For me, it's easier to just give up and tell them not to come, i would not dare to make this decision for FH if it were his family. So ultimately, your FH will have to make a decision about what to do with those people... But I would not compromise the health and safety of other family members for a few conspiracy theorists.
    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    What does that even mean, just a flu? You do realize that there are multiple viruses in the world, yes? And that influenza is caused by one type of virus? And that COVID is a different type of virus than influenza?

    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I wasn't trying to start a debate on covid and WW is not the right place for this.

    I said this because I agree with her family members who feel the same way, not because I think the poster is wrong or in order to debate. BUT: THIS IS NOT THE MAIN GOAL OF MY 1ST REPLY!!

    That being said, if you think you hold the absolute truth on this: good for you... Thanks anyway🙂.

    If you want to discuss covid and enlighten me, join me on youtube or elsewhere😛.

    • Reply
  • Vicky
    VIP January 2020
    Vicky ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    There is nothing to discuss. This isn't an opinion issue, it's a fact issue. I don't have discussions about whether or not the earth revolves around the sun either. Corona virus =/= influenza virus.

    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Ok, good for you if you know

    everything.
    The expert has spoken 🙂

    • Reply
  • Frankie
    Dedicated April 2022
    Frankie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    Ok, good for you if you know the truth, The expert has spoken.🙂

    Of course there's nothing to discuss when you can't argue . But again : I couldn't care less what you think about it since,it wasn't the main goal of the comment. I wasn't here to debate but it sounds like this topic is (very) close to your heart anyway, even when it is not the subject 😃.

    Thanks anyway (again) .

    • Reply
  • Chloe
    Devoted February 2022
    Chloe ·
    • Flag
    Aaaaand Here we go... Every COVID post on this forum ends in a shitstorm
    • Reply

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