Falling Out with Parents

Well that's definitely a rough one. Do you have any intentions on trying to fix things with mom or is that just it and she won't even try even though you're her daughter. I don't see any of what you guys did wrong but if you feel you may want to fix things sounds like you'll have to forgive without an apology. Although your brother does not want to take sides he seems to have already said yes to being a groomsmen which I feel should be followed through with since there was no ill will towards him.

I would say find a new venue but invite your parents and if they come it's on them. Thoughts? I don't feel you did anything wrong but so they can't throw that in your face.

I would still invite them all and leave the ball in their court. It sounds like there’s some underlying issues other than the house situation, and that’s not something you can usually fix. If they decline the invitation, that’s on them and you’ll have no reason to feel guilty or be blamed for excluding them. In that same regard, make sure your brother knows if he doesn’t attend, that is also a form of taking sides.
This is really a sad situation for you to be involved in. But I imagine you’ve been through things with your family before if things escalated like this. Do what’s best for you. It doesn’t matter that this isn’t you or your fiancé’s second weddings. You two are creating a family together, and you need to put all of your best interests first (including the kids). If the original wedding plans aren’t going to work out, create a new plan. It’s definitely not too late and not worth the stress to try and put a bandaid over your family situation to keep the one you had.

Your mom sounds a lot like my mom. She didn't talk to me for a year because she got mad at me for a comment I made about my sister - which was true! I was in college at the time and felt utterly sad and disappointed because I didn't know what to do. Didn't even attend my own graduation cause I didn't see the point if no one was going to come.

It hasn't happened in my adulthood with her, but I don't talk to my aunts at all now. They are narcissistic and condescending human beings. I've completely cut them out of my life, they're not invited to my wedding either. I have learned to remove toxic people from my life, especially because the older I get, the less BS I want to deal with.

It's very sad that your mom is acting this way, but she will regret missing your wedding because of the way she's behaved. Honestly though, you don't need any of that toxicity in your life! And it will be too late for her to see it cause she isn't opening her eyes. At the end of the day though, it's all about you and your FH.

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Yes, it sounds like you have had a similar situation with your mom. We have had different issues through the years and thankfully a lot of therapy helped me distance myself from her narcissistic behavior. I hope you don't have any issues in the future with yours!

Thank you all for the comments. My thoughts on sending an invite to my parents now, is that my mom would try to sabotage the day. She is very manipulative and I would not put it past her to show up an cause a scene. Also, because of the comments she made toward the kids and my fiance, he doesn't want to be around her or have the kids around her. I agree with him on that point. Sadly, she doesn't realize the harm she is doing. She truly believes she knows best and doesn't see past her own issues.

It's full steam ahead with planning at a new venue now! I'll get more of an idea of my brother being a part of the wedding after the holidays are over.

i am so sorry you are going through this. i don't ever see how parents could do this to their children, yet it happens.. i'm afraid if you don't invite them it will only cause more resentment - but i'm on your side if you choose not to.

this sounds so much like my DH's situation with his mother. my H and his mother haven't spoken in 2 years (except once). when she found out we were engaged she wanted a "meeting" with him. in said meeting she told him she only met so she could see our children and be in their lives again - her heart is cold towards him and will never change. then proceeded to ask for an invitation to our wedding. he said no. and now she missed our big day. she told my step daughters mother she (and others) was "a heartless dumbass" for posting pictures of our wedding and not thinking of how that would make her feel seeing those photos.

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Oh wow. That had to be hard for your H. I know that if I invite my parents it will somehow backfire in my face. All the best intentions never work out well when they are not in favor of my mother's ideas. I hope you and your H enjoy your family! This situation has certainly drawn me closer and more protective of my future children.

Your husband and you and his kids are a family now, you guys need to worry about yourselves and leave everyone else out of it. I am very sorry that this is the situation but you are doing right by standing by your husband and defending your family!

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It is hard, but it brings him a sense of peace in a strange way because he isn't around her constant drama. I'm sorry you are also going through this terrible situation - just remember "the family you came from is important, but the one you build is top priority". I do hope your perfect day goes flawlessly and she realizes her mistakes. you are going to be a wonderful stepmom

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I agree with this. They can't say you didn't try!