Expensive Wedding for Bridal Party

Are you friends with other members of the wedding party? Are they experiencing the same feelings? If so, perhaps you could all say something together. I have to say, it sounds like they are being quite excessive with what they are expecting of their wedding party. I probably wouldn’t ask them to reconsider their choices, but I’d let them know asap that you will not be able to attend the bachelor/ette trips due to the financial requirements. If everyone is on the same page, perhaps they will reconsider on their own.

How close are you and husband to the couple? You both need to tell them asap you are not able to afford the expenses. Expenses and expectations should have been laid out very clearly before you were asked to be in the positions. That doesn’t mean that people don’t take advantage of others’ kindness.


Be clear with them (you speak to the bride and he speaks to the groom) that you are unable to afford various things that you were not made aware of prior to agreeing to be a bridesmaid. Don’t go any further beyond letting her know if she is not willing to stick to the agreed budget, you will have to step down. Is there a group chat for bridesmaids where you may not be the only one experiencing this?
Husband needs to have the same discussion. Let the groom know that buying a one time use item is not in his budget.
Unfortunately the destination bachelor/ette trips are here to stay for awhile. For all the complaints that they are expensive, inconvenient and a nightmare for introvert vs extrovert, people are not in a rush to see them go to be replaced with a local outing the night before the wedding as older generations are used to.
Set and maintain boundaries as a team with consequences. Stand your ground and follow your gut. If something feels wrong, don’t do it. Unfortunately this may be a situation where neither of them care and you both need to be willing to step down and walk away if that is what it comes down to.

Not sure what to tell you about attire. Maybe see if there are rentals available for the men's jacket? It is ridiculous to make the men pay for a jacket when it is pretty common to rent tuxes for weddings.

As for the bachelor/bachelorettes, I wouldn't talk to them or nag, I would simply let them know that neither of you will be attending because you can't afford it. And that means you also won't be contributing to expenses since you are not going. If that inspires them to reconsider, great! If not, oh well. With the cost of everything going up with no end in sight, they'll have to realize that people are trying to spend less and live within a budget.

In terms of attire, you need to be able to have input on the budget. Nothing should be planned without a budget discussion first.

Pre-wedding parties are optional only, and I would decline the out of the country events. In this current economic condition, the instagram-worthy bachelorettes are out of reach for many.

I am like Theresa and confused about purchasing a jacket when you can rent the whole tuxedo--jacket, pants, tie, shirt, and even shoes. A tuxedo is a full look, not part. You cannot put lipstick on a pig and call it a princess. It sounds like the couple can benefit from some realism and guidance in finances and expectations.

Well, it's inconsiderate to ask a wedding party to pay that much for attire. Period. I would have your husband consult with the other groomsmen, or find the same/similar suit/tux for rental or for cheaper and ask the groom if he would consider those instead. I don't think a bridal party should have to spent more than $250 on attire, personally.

As for the bach trips, just don't go. Not going to the bach trips doesn't disqualify you guys as bridal party members, but if you simply can't afford it or don't WANT to (even more important!), then don't go! If they hold that against you, their expectations are ridiculous. That IS a lot of money, but if that's what they want to do, they can! But they must be aware that there will be people who don't/can't pay that much.

They have been fair in being upfront with the costs, and if all of these are non-negotiable, you will always have the option of stepping down. In reality, they're asking a lot of you guys and should be understanding of that.

Personally, I don't understand the hate on destination bach trips. A lot of people can, and will afford them and that's their decision. If you can't afford to go, then don't. Brides also need to realize PLENTY of people will not be attending if it's over x budget, though.

I will never understand anyone who makes their bridal party pay for the "honor" of standing up in their wedding. I know it's typical in the US but it makes no sense. Either let people wear what they want or budget for their outfits in your wedding budget. If you can't afford that, why is ok to push that onto someone else? Ridiculous.

I would be bowing out of the bach parties for sure and not doing anything extra - just decline, no need to go into why. I'd probably suck it up and pay for the clothes - you can really refuse that unless you step down from the bridal party. That's also totally fine, just be prepared for them to be really mad about it and likely end the friendship (silly, but they sound like the type)

I completely agree- I don’t understand how you are “honoring” your wedding party by forcing them to spend money on your event. FH and I are definitely of the mindset that if we request the honor of your participation at our wedding, we will be footing the costs for you to do so.

View Quoted Comment

We did the same! glad to know there are others who think the same way, i've never met anyone else in real life who did this!

I don't know where some of you are from, but these are unfortunately very very normal prices of being in a wedding party in Los Angeles at least. It's not fair to expect them to know your personal financial situation, it's your responsibility to politely decline when they invite you to be part of the bridal party if you know you are struggling financially. I had one woman I asked to be a bridesmaid do just that (let me know she can't afford it right now) and I still love her dearly and was not upset at all. Also- consider getting the items used. I was in a wedding where the bridesmaid dress cost more than my own wedding dress from my first wedding! I found a used one in my size, and then re-sold it afterward. It was my way of being able to participate even though I was struggling with money back then. Talk to them- they won't know what you don't tell them. Maybe you can work out cheaper alternatives that still matches what they chose.

Thank you for you guys responses. Unfortunately this is my husband brother so I couldn’t ask him to step down from being a best man at his brothers wedding. Same thing for me with the bride we are pretty close. I would want that to be the last resort.


I guess the biggest issue I have is they have financial trouble with their household and could barely afford the things for their wedding but want us to spend a ridiculous amount. It’s more of the principle of things. We can afford (although I know there’s people in the party who cannot). I just don’t think it’s worth paying that much. Also the groom straight up told us he does not want people to rent and want something specific.

It is like they are going cheap on things they have to purchase dress, food, decor but want the wedding party to spend a lot on the wedding.

View Quoted Comment

That's tough. I don't know why people assume they can spend other people's money just because they are getting married. It's ridiculous.

"No" is a complete sentence though, and now is a good time to have boundaries. "We cannot accommodate that in our budget right now, we really want to do everything we can, but this is just too much money for us" is my suggestion. Leave it in their court, and see what happens after that. My guess is you won't be the only people in the wedding party struggling with this. Someone needs to give them a reality check.