Expensive bachelorette

I would never suspend fertility treatments for a wedding or wedding related events. You are absolutely not being selfish for thinking of the lifetime of your family vs. one day for her. Completely ignoring the length and cost of the trip - having a child extends so far beyond the one day for your friend that if she were a true friend, she would understand. Is she allowed to be disappointed? Sure, but she can't be mad at you for prioritizing the rest of your life over an extended celebration of herself. Maybe do the same thing she did for you and have a separate celebration between the two of you.

I would just sit down with her in person and be honest. "Friend, I want to go to your bachelorette so much, but it would affect my fertility treatments in x, y, & z way, and I just can't risk that."

Again, you are not being selfish. Not one bit.

I think you should just be honest with her if you're comfortable with that. If she's as good of a friend as you think, she should understand that while you want to indulge in all of the fun activities that comes with weddings, you cannot leave town or spend that amount of money. Maybe return the favor she did with you and take her out when she gets back?

Please don't have any guilt. Who can spend 5 days at a bachelorette party????

I understand. We've been trying to have our 3rd baby (we have twins, so this would be my 2nd pregnancy) and we're having a hard time. If I don't get pregnant this cycle, I'll be meeting with my doctor to begin discussing ways to "help us out" as he puts it. I guess that's why my response to you was so strong. I'm sending you lots of positive good vibes towards your treatments

Just be honest with her, no need to feel guilty. There is always so much pressure to reciprocate to certain things but, honestly, it is usually mostly in our own heads.

Just tell her that #1 you are undergoing fertility treatments (if you feel like sharing that info)

#2 If you don't want to tell her about the fertility treatments, just say it is in a Zika area so your doctor says NO, because you are TTC.

#3 if you are worried that she will see the Disney pics and be like "oh, they couldn't afford my party but they could afford that" kind of thing, just be honest and say that you had a very generous gift to go otherwise you wouldn't be doing either.

I am sure that she will completely understand, even if she will be bummed for a minute. Don't overthink it, just do what works best for you. Doing the best thing for your family starts WAY before the kids being born, in most cases.

eta: wording

The Zika issue alone is enough reason not to attend- with NO GUILT!

You definitely don't need to feel guilty here at all. Real life is more important than one occasion!

A 5 day bach party is a vacation, not a party first of all.

And if you guys are truly good friends (and she missed your bach party too), then you should feel ZERO guilt about telling her you can't make it. I had two BM who couldn't come to my bach party and even though I was disappointed I understood and their reasons were far less significant than yours.

You don't have to share anything about your infertility if you don't feel comfortable, but you can tell her that you can't go to a Zika area because you're TTC and leave it at that. Also, you're having some medical procedures that require to stay in town at certain times. Tell her you're already actively trying. You can also at some point casually mention that family is gifting you with a disney trip.

I hope you get all your heart desires! Best of luck to you and your spouse!

You are very welcome. I always do these little scenarios with "what if" in my head, so I come up with ways to say things before hand. Of course, they rarely happen that way, but my mind still does it.

Good Luck to you!!!

I had a destination bach. One bridesmaid and my MOH couldn't make it. One was because money was tight and the other was because she was starting fertility treatments during that time frame. I wasn't even disappointed that either couldn't make it. I am hopeful that the fertility treatments will work for my friend so we can add another little one to our group and I was proud of my MOH for making the right financial decision (something she doesn't normally do). I think your friend will understand. I will add though that the person planning the bachelorette was not happy when both cancelled after confirming they would go and made plans with them included, so I would recommend being honest from the start.

If she is your FRIEND she will understand you cannot go. Tell her you have a lot on your plate and its too expensive. Maybe plan something alone with her if you can. If she is that mad, then you aren't as good of friends as you probably thought.

I'm in no position to tell you what to do/judge but holy cow that is a lot of money for her to expect everyone to pay for.. did she consult you all with how much you all needed to pay?

Are you still expected to pay even if you don't go? For instance, I could not attend a brides lingerie party (i was a BM) and they still asked me to pay for a huge chunk of the party, which I get, but still really annoying to me.

Definitely talk with her about it. If these costs are going to start adding up as well maybe consider if you even want to be in the wedding? Personally, family is more important. Good luck