Expecting the worst - do we proceed as planned?

Oh man I’m sorry about that.
I think I would wait til you get the exact prognosis before you make any choices

So sorry your family Is going through this! It’s so hard to know until you have more information. We’ve had several family members with cancer (my aunt was declared cancer free in February!!!), and they’ve had different experiences. She’s pretty much back to normal now, but she was mid-chemo through the holidays and had a really rough time for at least a day and a half after each treatment and generally had very little energy. Personally, I’d wait until you find out what kind of treatment they are going to pursue, when it will start, and how long it will last. I’m so sorry! Hope the prognosis is good.

I agree with waiting until you have much more information about the specifics of her diagnosis, the treatment plan, and her prognosis. There are so many possibilities depending on the type of cancer and how advanced it is. We've had many relatives with different types of cancer, and most of them did very well and lived (or are still living) for MANY years after their treatment. And, those who did pass, still had some time -- it didn't happen overnight. Even if her prognosis isn't great, I'd take some time and let her come to terms with her diagnosis, and then see what SHE thinks about the wedding. Having it to look forward to might be very motivating to her and/or it might make her feel terrible to think you'd postpone because of her. I probably wouldn't bring up the wedding much right now when she and the family are probably distracted, but I also wouldn't change any plans for the time being. Best wishes for the best possible news.

I completely understand your situation, my FH mother has been battling cancer for most of her life. She has gone back and forth between chemo and not being on chemo. We’re currently at a stand still due to the pandemic and the doctors not thinking it’s safe for her to leave the house. But I would wait it out a bit longer and see what the doctors say and how aggressive the treatment might be. You never know how she may even feel about it. My MIL is so excited for our wedding that I think if we canceled it she would be deviated. I definitely think you should wait it out and if you’re unsure I’d talk to her about it and see how she feels regarding it, maybe it’s something she needs in order to stay positive about the whole thing.

Oh, I'm *so* sorry.

It's tough, but totally wait until you have more information. A friend of mine had breast cancer 2 years ago, but she caught it early and is fine, now. It was a super rough summer, though, I won't lie.... but once she was done with chemo (only took about 3-4 months), she improved rapidly. She actually qualified for the NYC marathon this year (well, if it hadn't been canceled)! One of the things that kept her going through that summer, though, was the prospect of becoming an "auntie" in the fall (two of our friends were expecting). She was very public that being able to attend the baby showers and be there for the babies was one of her goals and something that kept her fighting.

This is very scary, but there are a *lot* of different out comes, here. Once you know what stage and treatment your FMIL is looking at, you'll know more about what she can and can't do, what events might keep her going, and what you can do to support and also plan.

*internet hugs*

First of all, I am so sorry! Next as previous post have noted it's best to wait to see what the prognosis is. Give it a few days for everything to set in then talk to your FH and FMIL and find out how she would like to proceed. Maybe you move up the day and make it smaller ceremony / reception in honor of her. My guess is FH wants his mother there so, find a way to make sure that happens.

Have faith, sending you hugs and prayers it all works out.

Give it a little bit until you know more information. I would also talk to FMIL with FH to see what a good plan might be. I work in a cancer center and most patients (depending) still can go to events like these but this might be tough with the COVID risk. This could be a moment that can bring her joy in a time where she is going through a lot.