Exit Strategy for Parents

If the venue requires that you clean up after, if you don't do it who will??? You would need to have that set in place to decide if you would be able to leave or not

I think my FDIL would like for the parents to leave early. My son has talked about assigning his groomsmen and groomswomen to clean up. Clean up only involves taking away the things that we brought for decorations, photobooth (we have our own), etc. I would sneak a few of the valuable things I'm taking (antique family heirloom bottles/vases and lace) with me. This could be a little weird, but I won't be leaving without some of those things. The venue takes care of everything else. But traditionally are the parents supposed to stay until all the guests are gone and be there to help supervise clean up even if minor? The bride is more than okay if we leave.

I think it is.

View Quoted Comment It is fine if you leave, and couple is still there. Some responsible party needs to be on site, that is all.

Thank you all for your comments!

I have never heard of parents leaving a wedding to let their kids have fun...it's not a school dance, it's an important day for the parents as well. You're becoming one big family and it's important that you're there to celebrate, during it's entirety and yes, help to clean up.

View Quoted Comment

What if it's what the bride wants? Does the mother of the groom tell her, "No, I'm staying."?

I'm confused..are they staying at the venue to continue partying after the reception ends?

Our parents were the last to leave. My parents were probably having more fun than the younger peeps! Plus they helped clean stuff up and carry stuff to our car.
I think it’s kind of rude to ask them to leave.

I honestly think it’s really weird that the bride wants the parents to leave. How old are the bride and groom? This sounds like they’re very young and want to get drunk without their parents around to tell them no. I can’t imagine there’s any other reason for saying they want you to leave. Personally, if my child gets married in the future, unless she elopes I’m going to be there for the entire event.

View Quoted Comment

Not sure what their definition of when the reception ends is, but they have requested that the parents don't stay for the entire time once the dancing gets going. Yeah... it felt a little hurtful. I had never heard of such a thing. This is my 5th son to get married. Stayed for everything with the others and helped clean up after we sent the couple on their way. It's been more than a decade since our other sons got married. Some other things have changed so was just wondering if this was something more common now.

View Quoted Comment I totally understand how that would be hurtful. The way you phrased it in your original post it sounded like maybe they want to go out with just their friends after the reception, which would make more sense. Maybe clarify with them? Also, though, this is your family and you have every right to stay for the entire ceremony and reception. You can offer your help to clean up, but if they have otherwise worked that out, you may leave when you're ready or at the end of the reception. If it ends up being just their friends towards the end, you may decide that you want to leave before the very end, anyway.

If the parents want and are able to they should stay the whole time.

View Quoted Comment

They are both in their late 20's, college graduates. The bride has been teaching school for 5 years. So... not that young. They've been living together for several years and own a house.

I want to be there, too, and I'm not sure why she wants the parents to leave. But, again, as the mother of the groom do I tell the bride that I'm not leaving? I don't want to be THAT mother-in-law. Also, they are paying for a large portion of their wedding.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think it matters who is paying. You can’t invite guests, any guests but especially parents, and then demand they leave before the event is over.

I think y'all are well within your rights to leave whenever you want to.

After reading more of the comments it sounds weird to me. Why do they want you to leave? I get that they want to have fun but they should be able to do it with you included. My parents stayed til the very end and had a blast. There were a few things that people did that shocked them a bit but oh well....it’s a wedding and everyone was just having fun. I say you do what you want. It’s not fair for her to ask you to leave when the fun starts. I would talk to your son about it. Good luck.

Is the after party back at the hotel or at the same venue? I think dancing is a big part of the actual reception, not the after party. I feel like after parties are normally just drinks at the hotel bar or something along those lines. If they are asking you to leave after dinner, I find that unusual and rude. You are a VIP guest and all guests should be allowed to stay the entire time. What if the grandparents or aunts and uncles (basically any “older” relative or guest) wanted to stay and dance? Would they be asked to leave as well?

View Quoted Comment Oh, I apologize; I'd ask the bride when they feel it's right for you guys to go. Leave ball in their court. :-)

Will her parents be leaving too? I think that's strange that she wants you guys to leave